Matsuda the Brave
by Matsuda'sDreams
Summary: When the team returns after the Kira case, all the team wants to do is return to their normal lives, but they discover they have another mystery with another crazy psychopath. One member is in danger and the others have to help him. What's happened and why? Can the others help him before something terrible happens? My first fic! Be kind! (Title inspiration from the internet...)
1. Chapter 1

My first fanfic so please be kind. ^_^

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Death Note or any of the characters (except the ones I made up, of course). =)

**Matsuda the Brave**

**Chapter 1**

Everything was black. There was no light whatsoever.

_Light….Oh, yeah….I almost forgot…Light…._

"Matsuda! Who the hell do you think you're shooting at? Don't screw with me!"

Then there was vision. There was a vision of Light, his right hand injured from a gunshot, blood running down in dark red streaks. Then he remembered. He remembered that he was the one who had shot him, that Light had confessed to being Kira, and he remembered that he had been in such shock that he couldn't even stand. He had fallen to his knees, right into a puddle of all things. His eyes had gotten so wide he thought they would pop right out of his skull and roll onto the floor. Then he'd be looking up at himself, at how pathetic he looked, sitting in a puddle on the floor.

It faded to dark again. He wished it would stay dark, so that he would never have to see Light's face again, or the chief's, or anyone from that day or from that horrible, god forsaken case.

However, much to his discontent, he received yet another image.

He was standing now, hot tears streaming down his face.

"What was it all for then?" As he screams, he starts to lose his sight, not because of the tears clouding his eyes, but because of the pure anger and fury. "What about your dad? What the hell did he die for?"He started to lose his hearing too. He missed the first part of Light's answer, but got the gist of it.

"…You want to live in a world where people like him are made to be fools? I know you understand….Shoot them!"

He couldn't, refused even, to believe that Light, the chief's son and someone he most admired, was telling him to shoot his friends. Even his name meant something beautiful and bright, the total opposite of dark and evil, the total opposite of what Kira was. Light had said it himself and yet….No, he had to be imagining it…right? Maybe this was all his imagination's doing: Light being Kira, the past six years of investigating and trying to capture him, all of it. Maybe this was all a sick and twisted part his mind showing him some demented nightmare. Maybe he hit his head and was in a coma and would wake up in a hospital bed surrounded by his friends and flowers and none of this was real.

"You led your own father to his death, and now he's gone you call him a fool?"

He'd heard about things like this, seen them in movies, how the rage becomes so unbearable that the person would actually black out or become incoherent of what they were doing. He never thought he would have to deal with that, not like this anyway, not because of Light.

Light had taken out a piece of the Death Note, and started to write a name with his own blood.

It's ironic that Light would use the thing that gives life, to try to take one away- his, he assumed, since he was the one that made him bleed in the first place.

There were four more shots that rang out, successfully piercing, Light Yagami – no, Kira. He realizes, barely, that he's the one firing them. He never knew he'd had this kind of indignation, almost a kind of power, inside of himself. He felt about ready to explode.

Light was now flung back on the floor of the warehouse, splashing as he landed in a rather large puddle, which was now swirling with his blood. This young mass-murderer that many in the world considered to be a god was now helpless, whimpering, and calling out for help, like an injured animal.

"…Someone…Anyone….Misa! Where's Takada?" He was crying now, not wanting to accept defeat.

He was rushing over, taking long, anger filled strides to where the boy had fallen and was now panicking and in pain. "I'll kill him! I'll kill him! He has to die!" He looks Light in his eyes and points the gun at his head.

Darkness….

The bang of the gun echoed throughout the Yellow Box warehouse.

~x0xOx0x~

Matsuda gasped loudly as he sat up in his bed. He was in a cold sweat and panting in short, quick breaths, his sheets tangled around him. He could still feel the gun in his hand, the way it felt to shoot his former friend, who, for so many years, betrayed them, killing people behind their backs, all while pretending to help catch the murderer. There were tears that he still let fall, some dripping onto his hands as he stared down at them in the dark.

Matsuda took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "The same nightmare again…" He glanced over at the electric clock that gave off a faint green glow on his bedside table. It was a little past three in the morning.

He was glad that his friends had been there to hold him back, just in time. His bullet missed Light's head by mere inches. They were all given a month's vacation to settle down and get their heads straight. But Matsuda felt as if he could never do that. He would never be the same again, no matter how hard he tried.


	2. Chapter 2

**Matsuda the Brave**

**Chapter 2**

**Matsuda**

After three weeks of the paid vacation I just couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't been in the mood to go anywhere or see anyone, especially not anyone from the Kira case. But after a couple weeks I just felt like what I needed was to go back to work and move on to other cases. Sitting at home all alone and remembering, wasn't exactly helping. As it turned out, Ide and Mogi came back to work early too. I was sort of glad. Coming back and not seeing any familiar faces would be strange. Aizawa was using the whole month to spend time with his family, I'd guessed. He was the only one of us who really had one anyway. I was an only child and my mother and father both lived a three hour's train ride from the outskirts of the city, so seeing them took a lot of time and effort. I didn't know much about Mogi's and Ide's families, but I knew they didn't have anyone close by either.

I had missed the team. They had become my closest friends and we'd made attachments to each other. After all, seeing each other just about every day for six years, we'd sort of grown on each other. They were like my surrogate family, people to look out for each other. During the Kira case, it was us against the world. I felt guilty that they were the ones taking care of me most of the time though. I tried hard not to be so childish or seem stupid, but my efforts were always in vain. I was oftentimes made the errand boy, running out to get L more sweets, or getting everyone's order of coffee. Even then it seemed as though I couldn't do the task at hand, tripping and spilling the coffee, or squishing the pastries. My clumsiness always got the better of me, no matter how serious my endeavors.

Mogi and Ide were standing right inside the doors, to my surprise. I just casually strode over to them, trying to give off a more confident vibe than what I was actually feeling. We greeted each other nervously. "Hey guys."

"Hey Matsuda, nice to see ya," Ide replied. Mogi just nodded and added a small "Hi" as we started walking together toward the lounge area, which was just a small kitchen like area off to the left side of the building. There were a few chairs around a couple of tables along with the counter top where the coffee maker was. We sat down at one of the small round tables and as we pretended to drink our bitter coffee we made small talk, not really knowing what to talk about now that the Kira case was over.

Strange. It was really, finally over. The thought finally sank in at seeing my comrades and not worrying about a crazy serial murderer with a killer notebook and a shinigami running around giving people heart attacks.

But the crazy serial murderer was Light, and I had shot him. Five times, to be exact.

Such a trivial number made all the difference in the world. Literally. The world was torn in two. Actually, it was more like three: the Kira supporters, the Kira haters, and the people that it didn't really concern and who just wanted to move on with their lives.

I stared down at the cup of coffee in my hands that was resting on my lap, but not really looking at it, the steam warming my face from the cold, cloudy February morning outside. The images kept replaying in my mind. I tried not to think about it but sometimes the memories just crept up on me and ambushed my thoughts. I always tried to distract myself when that happened, usually with organizing or cleaning; anything to get my mind off of it. But one day, after about the first week and a half, I realized my apartment was already clean and tidy. It was a bit too neat, in fact, and it looked as if no one had ever even lived there. That's when I started going out to bars and drinking. It wasn't bad at first, but I got worse and worse, each time getting more drunk than the last.

Secretly I'm glad Ryuuk, the Shinigami and rightful owner of the death note, had written Light's name in the notebook and killed him. I already felt guilty enough for shooting him, so I didn't need the added guilt from killing him on top of that. If Ryuuk hadn't written Light's name he would have bled to death from the wounds I gave him anyway. So, technically, I hadn't killed Light, but sometimes I just couldn't help feeling like I had, somehow, contributed to his death.

I sighed.

I could guess that Ide and Mogi knew that I was thinking about the case, and Ide put a hand on my shoulder sympathetically. The look on his face told me, 'I understand, it was rough on all of us.' Mogi was still as quiet as ever but also gave me a compassionate look. I half-smiled back, and took a glance around the artificially lit building, trying not to think about it.

Now that Kira was gone, the NPA was, very slowly, rebuilding, gaining back employees. Although I noticed that there weren't even half as many officers as there used to be. There were still those that didn't believe Kira was truly dead, and that he would return, seeking revenge. Most of the people that were back probably didn't want to be there, and only came back because they needed the money. But I knew better. I knew that, luckily, Kira was definitely not coming back, seeing as how I was the one who had shot him.

I started to think about that day again and shook my head quickly, as if I could somehow physically shake the memories out of my mind. I took a deep breath and yawned. I really hadn't been getting enough sleep lately and I'm sure everyone else noticed the dark circles under my eyes. I briefly remembered how L had had huge dark circles under his eyes. I never actually saw him sleep. In fact, now that I thought about it, I don't recall him ever even yawning either. It was weird how I was suddenly thinking about L though. I haven't thought about him for some time now, months I'd guessed.

_Near is the new L now though, huh?_

I stared down, again, into my coffee and noticed out of the corner of my eye Ide, checking his watch.

"Well," Ide stood up, stretching his back out with his hands on his hips. "It's almost eight now and the director said she wanted to see us. I wonder what this meeting is all about anyway."

"W-wait," I stammered. "She wants to see us? Even me?" I was utterly confused, which wasn't much different than normal I guess.

"Yeah, Matsuda, didn't you get a call from her yesterday afternoon? I thought that was why you came in today."

"Well, uh, I don't know. I went out yesterday in the afternoon, and when I came home I forgot to check my messages. I guess it was lucky I decided to come back today, huh?" I rubbed the back of my head with embarrassment and gave a small, nervous laugh, avoiding his gaze.

Ide let out an exasperated sigh. "Matsuda, you idiot."

"Hey, I'm not stupid," I defended. "I'm just…I've been really tired lately," I said quietly, looking down.

"We can sort of see that," he pointed out, indicating the dark circles under my eyes. He had a bit of concern in his voice as he added, "Are you really alright, Matsuda?"

"I'm fine," I lied. I'm sure Ide and Mogi both knew that. They had spent too much time around me not to know, and I was never a very good liar to begin with. I just hoped they didn't ask me where I was when I went out. I didn't really feel like telling them I went to a bar like I did almost every day for hours. So I changed the subject. "Hey, what about Aizawa? Is he coming?" Actually, I was curious. It seemed like since Mogi, Ide, and I were together, Aizawa should be here with us too. It seemed…unnatural that he wasn't. He was like the last piece of our puzzle, and we were incomplete without him. He was the fearless leader of our team, though it was unofficial. He just sort of took charge without being appointed, but no one complained. He was a great leader, and I had always been more of a follower anyway.

"He should be here any second. It _is_ almost eight after all," Ide pointed out again. And, as if on cue, Aizawa marched through the automatic front doors of the NPA.

AN: Yay! Another chapter! Yeah, I know, kinda boring right now…but the first few chapters are just an introduction to everything and everyone. I do have a character (or a few ^_^) that's mine, that's going to be coming up soon. Some more suspence also! XD


	3. Chapter 3

OMG! Already to the third chapter! =) Yay! It's still the introduction portion of the story though, but I promise, it will start getting more interesting soon! ^-^ I thank Sonar for already giving me a review with some advice! My first commenter ever on my first ever fic! I was so ecstatic when I saw it! XD Firsts are always exciting, even if it's something small. So now I am motivated to do the best I can!

Aaaaannndddd… insert disclaimer here.

**Chapter 3**

**Aizawa**

I stood outside the NPA building, staring up at it, it seeming to stare menacingly back. People passed by me in all directions, but I paid no notice to them. They probably didn't notice me either, except that I was just a road-block to them.

From the cloudy sky came a clap of thunder, foreshadowing a storm to come. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I put my hands in my trench coat pockets, opened my eyes, and strolled inside as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I barely repressed the urge to turn around and run back out into the swirling mass of passersby.

As I was inside and kept walking, this uncanny feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I had had since I woke up that morning, started to get worse. It was the same feeling I got when something bad was going to happen, which made me a bit wary of my surroundings. But, then again, that didn't necessarily mean that it was a huge bad thing. I had once gotten that feeling right before Matsuda tripped and spilled the coffee he was carrying all over me. It was scalding hot. Still, I just couldn't shake this feeling…..

Soon I noticed my old comrades. It was good to see them again. Being with them all the time for years and then suddenly not for three weeks was weird. And even though I don't like to admit it…I sort of missed them. They were my only true friends. After the Kira case I was never really sure who to trust anymore, except for Mogi, Ide, and Matsuda. But that's not to say I didn't enjoy the time off with my family. I truly did. So I was a bit ticked off when I found out the new director wanted to see us for some mystery meeting, which didn't ease my stomach whatsoever.

Those first few minutes when you're with someone you haven't seen in a long time, are pretty awkward. No one can think of what to say. Mostly just "Hey, how are you doing?" or "How's your family?" followed by a quick response of "fine, thanks," then heavy silence.

It was especially difficult for the four of us because, for so long, we only had one topic on our minds: finding Kira. And we had been going to hell and back again trying to find him, only to discover, to our surprise, he had been right under our noses the whole time.

God, we had been through so much together and lost so many good people. We were lucky to have made it out in one piece. Maybe chipped around the edges, but intact.

Mogi, Ide, and I had had at least a few thoughts now and again that Light was possibly Kira. But Matsuda had stood by Light's innocence one hundred percent. So, when Light confessed, Matsuda was the one who had taken it the hardest. It didn't help that the kid pretty much ran on emotion alone. But I also realized that the world was so complicated sometimes, that it was nice to have someone as simple as Matsuda around.

However, I noticed that Matsuda wasn't his normal cheerful self. I mean I wasn't expecting him to be ecstatic; I just wasn't used to seeing him so solemn and depressed. He had given me somewhat of a half-smile when I approached, but it seemed too forced, not sincere at all. He seemed really out of it: He seriously needed a haircut, not to mention that said hair was a mess, hanging around his face. But his suit was pristine and really out of place. I made a mental note to ask him about it later. His eyes said that he hadn't slept at all since I'd last seen him. That's probably exactly what happened too- or rather, what _didn't_ happen.

After resting a bit in the lounge area, we all walked together in a close-knit group to the elevator to go up to the fourth floor. My feeling of uneasiness grew with every step I took, which was not a good sign. Now I was beginning to think that maybe something serious really would happen. After all, I experienced the same feeling a few weeks ago, on none other than the day of Light's confession. That accursed day that, for a time, took away the last inkling of everyone's sanity and peace of mind they had left, as if it was something that Light could physically suck out of each of our brains through a crazy straw.

I tried to pay more attention to my surroundings, my wariness not letting up. I wasn't surprised to find that everyone we passed either glared at us disapprovingly or stared at us until we looked at them, and then they quickly glanced away, like we were some kind of freak show. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I knew we were the ones in the right and they were the ones in the wrong.

We had stood by L, by justice, fighting Kira, all for the sake of _them._ _They_ were the ones who ran away when the world needed them most, and _we_ had stayed. _They_ were the cowards, and the betrayers, not us.

Sometimes I felt like just yelling that to the next guy that gave us a dirty look. Although, that's not to say that all of the NPA disliked us or were really cowards. Sometimes my mind gets a little carried away, but at least there were some good cops that came back and trusted us. The ones that didn't trust us were usually cops that thought we might have lied and let Kira escape, or ones that believed Kira would rise again. Some were even full-out Kira supporters, and wouldn't deny it if asked.

I sighed as we entered the elevator, and as the elevator rose up, so too, did my dread.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger. I had to concentrate hard not to crush my coffee cup in my hands out of frustration.

_It's only eight in the morning and I'm already getting a headache. This is going to be a hell of a long day._

When we got off the elevator, we took a left down a hall and two doors down to the right was a normal, brown, wooden door that was the beginning to a peculiar series of events.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Mogi:**

The members of the taskforce were together again. Finally. I felt like I was going to go insane by myself in my apartment all alone. The first week was okay, but after that I was about ready to explode. I used any excuse to go out, and sometimes not even for a reason, like a walk around town. Once I had started walking at noon and ended up returning home at about 6 pm. I even began drinking at bars almost every night. Sure I like drinking now and again, but I almost took it too far.

It was a lucky break the director called when she did. I was about to go out again that evening, and had I not gotten the call, I wouldn't have showed up for the meeting.

However, I got the strange feeling in my gut that told me this mystery meeting that involved just the four of us had something to do with our famous 6-year-long case that no one dared talk about aloud again. Those were the longest 6 years of my life, and I hoped my gut was wrong this time. But I was never that lucky.

We entered the conference room single file. We all hung up our coats and jackets on the coat rack by the door in the warmth of the room. It was a pretty large room, with two 2 columns of 7 rows of 2-seater desks. To the right of us was a large window that spanned the length of the wall space. I thought I saw the sky darkening in time with our steps. It was probably my imagination. As we gathered inside we stopped midway, not comfortable being too close to the new director yet, although she was very attractive. Needless to say, we just had a very difficult time trusting anyone outside our team.

Her name was Minori Hashimoto. She had long black hair, tied back in a low ponytail that fell to her mid-back, and side swept bangs going to her right with two strands of hair on either side of her face. She had square glasses that gave her a sophisticated look, and wore a grey pantsuit with a pair of sensible black heels.

She was standing to the left of the front desk and didn't even look up when we entered. She kept her hard gaze focused on the case file she was holding open in front of her. The instant I saw the scarlet words 'Secret' stamped on the front cover, I knew it had to do with the Kira case. Although I knew it wasn't the actual Kira case. It might have had bits and pieces, but not enough to know about anything important. It especially didn't mention anything about the death note, that shinigami, and it definitely did not mention anything about Light being Kira. No one outside of the task force and Near's SPK team was to know anything except for the basics. The real case file was, hopefully, locked up somewhere safe where it will presumably never see the light of day.

Ide and Matsuda sat down at the table, Ide on the right and Matsuda on the left, while Aizawa and I stayed standing by the wall. We waited anxiously for her to begin. As the minute passed, seeming like hours, I looked at everyone's faces, trying to determine if they were as nervous as I was. Aizawa had the same stern gaze, as always. Ide looked pretty tense though. Matsuda looked really edgy, but at the same time, he seemed distracted and sad. I could see his mind was somewhere else, somewhere depressing. It was strange to see him so somber. He was normally the guy that stayed way too positive, no matter the situation. There was only one other time that I had seen him even close to being this grave and it was when the chief died. But even then, he kept himself composed and kept a calm look on his face. After a while, he started to get better, and gradually started to be the same happy-go-lucky kid he was before. But this was different.

I blinked tiredly and stared out the window at nothing in particular and took a deep breath through my nose. I noticed a few drops of water hit the glass. It was starting to drizzle. It was a gloomy day that reflected the moods of our team perfectly. It was as if the sky felt our pain and was mourning along with us.

Finally, the director shut the folder, closing her eyes with it. She paused another moment before looking up at us. She took a breath in before speaking.

"I assume you all have an idea of why I called you in here. I apologize for the inconvenience of cutting your vacation time short."

_Some 'vacation.'_

"Anyway," she continued, "There has recently been activity that may involve the Kira case." My heart clenched up at the mention of the name.

"What do you mean?" Aizawa asked quizzically. "Do you not know?"

"Well, we know it has to do with Kira supporters."

"What happened?"

"I was just getting to that." She paused again, adjusting her glasses with her hand that wasn't holding the folder. "It seems as though we have some troublemakers on our hands." I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Apparently, someone tagged the side of a prominent corporation that recently went through a lawsuit over their kid dying while sleeping during a dental procedure. They claimed it was the company's fault for not monitoring the oxygen intake that caused the death of their son. There was no evidence and the charges were dropped." She had a frustrated look on her face and she tossed the file on her desk, sighing and crossing her arms. "I know, it's not a huge deal, probably the family of the victim, and we need someone to check it out, just to be thorough."

"Oh yeah. Wasn't it that company 'Pearl White' or something?" I recalled I had watched something about it on the news a few days ago.

"Yeah."

"What did the tagging say?" Aizawa questioned.

The director picked the folder up again and flipped quickly to the page she wanted. "'Kira knows what you did. Kira will kill you. Kira is justice and He will prevail. Kira is alive!'"

"That's impossible!" Matsuda shouted, slamming his fist on the table. "We were there when he died! We all confirmed it!"

"That may be the case, but we still need to find out who made the actual graffiti," she reminded him.

"Right…Sorry." Matsuda seemed to realize his sudden outburst and regained his composure. In fact, he just stared down at the desk again and continued looking depressed.

"Long story short, I need you four to take this case." The director said with a serious tone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Ide:**

"Long story short, I need you four to take this case." The director said, with a serious tone.

Matsuda slammed his hands, palms down, on the table as he jolted up out of his seat. The chair made an awful screeching noise as it skidded back. He was so forceful that I felt the need to stand up as well.

"What? Come on! Can't someone else just do it?" he took a few anger filled strides to the left, out of the way of the table, towards the wall closest to us, opposite the window. He was ready to storm up to the director if need be. He stood tall, trying to look menacing, fists balled tightly at his sides. Although I knew it was more because he was trying to hold back his anger rather than lunge forward and fight.

"We've been through enough! And we certainly don't need any more of this God damn case!" I was sure the whole building could hear him now.

"M-Matsuda…" I said quietly, in shock. Matsuda was the follower, puppy-dog type of guy. He tried his hardest to follow instructions exactly as they were given, even if he made mistakes here and there, and I knew he was trying now not to lose it. If we let this go on, it could turn really ugly really fast.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Matsuda was fed up with anything having to do with the case. He was starting to become hysterical over a case that wasn't that big of a deal. This sounded like one of those cases where it's exactly what you'd think it was. It was probably that kid's parent or something.

I can't say that I blame Matsuda though. After what he went through- what we all went through- who wouldn't be at least a little upset? Matsuda was much worse off than the rest of us though. He felt the most betrayed and even tried to kill one of our closest friends and allies. He would have succeeded had we not held him back at the last moment.

Even though I hadn't been on the case as long as they had, I got to know Light and his father, the chief. I was also there when the chief was killed still believing his son was innocent. I was there at the very end too; I was there for Light's confession, the day he made his one great mistake that cost him his life. I knew that feeling of betrayal too; the hurt and the disbelief.

Even so, I started to become concerned for the director's safety at this point though. Matsuda looked about ready to rush at her like an angry bull. If he had tried to paint the warehouse with the brains of someone close to him because he was furious just a couple weeks ago, what was stopping him from strangling the life out of someone he didn't know now? The air between them was as thick as a brick wall.

"I'm sorry." The director finally spoke. "That's just the way it is." She added nonchalantly. She may have said she was sorry, but her words were empty. "No one else will go near this case, let alone take it. You four were my best bet, since you have the experience with-"

"No! That's got nothing to do with it!" he cut her off. "Why don't you just make someone else do it, or better yet, just do it yourself?" The director was taken aback by his last sentence- no, demand.

"Matsuda." Aizawa said sternly. "It's alright. That's enough."

"No. It's not alright," he said softer, turning his body away from the director and toward the large window, his head down. His hair was hanging in his face, just shielding his eyes, and he was clenching his jaw. His fists were still clamped tightly, knuckles white. In the silence, I could hear the soft patter from the light sprinkle on the window increase suddenly to pouring rain. Any other day I would have thought it was relaxing. Now it just intensified the situation.

"Six years." I barely caught his words. "Six years, Aizawa!" he yelled, turning back towards us a bit. Six years of getting absolutely nowhere, of watching our friends die right in front of us! Ukita! The Chief! Criminals weren't the only ones dying, you know!" He turned back toward the window, head down once more. He took a shaky breath and spoke again, quieter. "I don't want to go through that again." His hands loosened out of their fisted positions and hung limply by his sides. "I…I don't want to watch anyone else I care about die."

Suddenly, everyone just about jumped out of their skins as a loud crack was heard, followed by the thick glass window shattering into hundreds of tiny, glistening pieces raining down onto the floor. The projectile that caused it had hurtled into the wall, leaving a small hole in its wake.

My adrenaline started pumping, but sooner that we had a chance to duck for cover, another projectile entered through the large opening. Before it could reach the wall, something- or rather, someone- had blocked its path.

"Agh!"

Matsuda let out a cry of pain, his back colliding with the wall, a small splotch of red in the center of his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Aizawa:**

"Matsuda!" I called out before rushing over to him. Matsuda squeezed his eyes shut. He grimaced as he hunched over, clutching the crimson area on his chest tightly, sliding down the wall to a sitting position. I wasn't worried about the sniper. They only take two or three shots or until they hit their target, then disappear. So the probability of this guy shooting any more was highly unlikely, especially since Matsuda was shot.

_Oh God, he's really been shot! _

I had reached Matsuda, and by then the director had flipped open her cell phone and started shouting demands into it as we crouched by him.

"This is the director! We need a medic to conference room B, fourth floor! Sniper on south side of building! Officer down!" When she finished, she shut the phone and squeezed it so tightly in her hand that you'd think it was her life, the expression on her face, one of pure fury. "The audacity for someone to attack officers at the NPA _Headquarters_ of all places!"

I looked at Matsuda again, and wished I hadn't. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, and these were possibly his last moments on Earth.

_No, no, no, no, no. Please be okay! _I mentally pleaded.

Matsuda was making attempts to gasp for air. "Come on Matsuda! Hang in there!" I shouted at him. Matsuda's eyes were only squinted open.

"A…Ai…zawa…" Matsuda started between struggles for breath. "I…I'm…"

"Sshh. Hey, don't try to talk. Just catch your breath, alright. Help will be here soon. Just hold on kid." I was literally on my knees, begging inwardly that he be okay. I didn't think I could take it if any more of my team died on me. I felt so helpless. All I could do was sit there and watch and wait. A member of my team, my _friend_ dare I say, was sitting there right in front of me, shot, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

Matsuda's breathing was slowing down now, and his grip on his shirt was relaxing. His face was calmer too, with his eyelids half-closed, making him look exhausted. I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Hey, Matsu, you okay? They're almost here."

"Aizawa, I'm…I'm alright." I started to panic. This sounded a lot like last goodbyes. This couldn't be it for him. It just wasn't possible. Was it?

_Just like that?_ _No. Not like this, not now, after everything we went through. It can't be this simple. He has to be okay! _I demanded he be alright and I wasn't going to accept anything different.

"Yeah, I know, you're gonna be fine." I reassured him, soothingly. I had a lot of practice. Being a parent does that to you, and I thought of Matsuda like a sort of son, considering he could be extremely childish at times. Then I realized that that wasn't such a bad thing. Sure it annoyed everyone sometimes, but it helped them too. It helped everyone see that the world wasn't all bad. It still had some good people.

There were people like Matsuda.

There was Mogi too.

And there was Ide.

And there was definitely my family.

Sometimes people say that the world is filled with evil. Well, I still see so much good. There's still so much good _around me._ Things I normally wouldn't notice. Things most people normally don't notice; things that Matsuda helps me to see.

Then I remembered reality…The reality that Matsuda was sitting in front of me, shot, and possibly dying.

"Hey, Matsuda, don't give up, okay? Just keep fighting. You have to make it. That's an order, damn it! One that you sure as hell can't screw up!"

"No, A-Aizawa…I…"

"No, I won't let you!" I felt a little bad for being so hard on him at a time like this, but I had to. It was the only thing I felt I could do to keep him conscious. If it was what I had to do to keep him alive, then so be it.

"No, Aizawa. I-I mean I'm actually alright. See?" He lifted his hands up away from his shirt, like he was surrendering. His hands and chest were covered in a dark, crimson colored liquid. Only, it wasn't the liquid we initially thought it was. I didn't know whether to hug him or punch him in the face.

"Paint," Matsuda said nonchalantly.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry, this chapter's kind of long. ^_^'

**Chapter 7**

**Matsuda:**

"Paint," I said nonchalantly.

Everyone let out the breaths they were holding and we all relaxed. Seeing that I was okay, the director called off the paramedics. I was glad they seemed to worry for me, but my darker thoughts took over then.

_Or maybe they're just glad they won't have to deal with all of my paperwork if I did die._

"You alright then, Matsuda?" Aizawa asked.

"I-I just got the wind knocked out of me, that's all."

"But you looked like you were in a lot of pain. You sure you're okay?" I felt like Aizawa was interrogating me.

I looked down to my left, at my "bloody" hand. "…Yeah…Paintballs…T-They just…um...h-hurt…a lot…" I didn't want him to worry. But mainly, I was just embarrassed by how much pain I looked like I was in. It was enough to look like I had actually gotten shot apparently. Was I that much of a wimp? It's not like it actually broke skin, but the force threw me back. I would definitely have a huge welt soon.

"Well…Alright then," he gave in. "Can you stand?" I nodded and slowly got to my feet, wincing at the bit of pain from the movement. Aizawa and Ide helped me up on either side, holding my arms. I felt so weak and helpless, like an infant.

_Great. That's so typical of me. I could've been killed, or worse, someone I cared about could have been killed, and here I am, feeling sorry for myself! _It seemed as though I couldn't even think right. I felt so stupid. I didn't even stop to think about anyone else. Now I just felt self-loathing and guilt for only worrying about my own safety and no one else's.

"I-Is everyone okay?" I interrupted the silence of the room. "No one got hurt did they?" I had purposely left out the word 'else' from those sentences because I didn't think my "injury" was even considered an injury in the first place.

A round of head shakings and no's went around our small group. I let out a sigh of relief, wincing though, as the already-forming bruise stung at the sudden movement of my chest. I didn't want anyone helping me if they were hurt, when _I_ wasn't really hurt. In my mind, I thought that if I really _had_ been dying, they still shouldn't have worried, even if no one else had been injured.

I wasn't worth the wasted effort.

_Who would want to kill me anyway? Or, well, at least snipe me with a paintball gun…Why? Why not just shoot me and kill me with a real bullet? It would have been easy enough._

The director's phone vibrating brought me out of my daze. She answered quickly. "Yes, this is director Hashimoto…Really? ...Are you certain? ...Alright. I understand, thank you." She clapped it shut. "As you probably guessed, the investigators didn't find the shooter anywhere in that building, but they found something else that might be of interest to us. The shell casing from the bullet was missing as well, but there was some sort of disk in a gift basket with a note that said 'For Kira Taskforce Detectives eyes only.' They're bringing it over to us as we speak."

"What does this mean?" Aizawa asked.

"I'm not sure yet. It's probably significant. It's too strange and too detailed to be labeled as some prank by a bunch of kids. I suppose we'll know more when we see whatever's on that disk." The room was silent again. I thought for sure the bizarreness of the Kira case was finally over when I shot Light in the warehouse. I thought my life might finally be back to normal or at least close to it…Silly me.

I shivered suddenly, noticing the cold from the broken window. It was windy outside, and I also took note of the puddle slowly forming underneath it from the rain being blown in. I turned to my left behind me at the wall and stared at the hole that the real bullet had made. I swallowed hard at the close proximity it had come to actually hitting me.

It made me ever more aware of the paint that stained my shirt and hands. It made me think about how close I had come to almost dying. If that bullet had been just a tad bit more to my right, there wouldn't be an 'almost' about it. That would be my real blood soaking me. I'd be dead. Period. I thought about if anyone else had been hit.

_Ide was pretty close in front of me at the time. What if he'd been shot? Was I the target? If I was, and someone else was hurt because of that, I don't think I could live with myself._

Even though no one was hurt, thankfully, I still felt guilty just putting them in danger.

_This is all my fault. I don't know how, but it is. Oh my god! How do I always manage to do something like this? How do I always manage to mess something up and get others involved in my problems? _I mentally kicked myself for being so idiotic. I couldn't believe that I somehow got everyone mixed up in something no one needed, especially not now. My face had changed with my thoughts, contorting into a look of anger and disgust.

"Hey Matsuda, what's wrong?" Ide asked quickly. The others stared at me again.

"Oh, uh, nothing." I snapped my face back to my 'normal' image of fake happiness and cheer. I knew they would ask again and again if something was wrong, and I really didn't feel like explaining to them that I absolutely hated myself. "Just thinking about how weird this all is, you know? I mean, paint? That sure is different."

Aizawa raised an eyebrow. "Yeah…I guess." I could tell he wasn't completely satisfied with my current answer.

We all whipped our heads around at the sound of the door opening. It appeared to be some young rookie cop. I shivered again. Not because of the cold this time, but because he reminded me of Mikami. He had sleek black hair and wore a pair of square glasses. He had his nose in a manila folder. "Excuse me, director, I'm really sorry to bother you during a meeting, but I really need your help with this important-" He looked up. I could see he was downright confused by the sight in front of him. Window broken, glass everywhere, a bullet hole in the wall, not to mention it looked like I had been shot. His eyes focused on me. "Uh, h-hey, i-is he okay?" the kid was able to stammer. In pointing and taking a step, he stumbled forward and almost fell, dropping the folder. Its contents scattered all over the floor.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine, kid, don't worry about it."

"A-Are you sure? W-what happened?"

"Oh, nothing. Probably just a prank, I guess. See? I'm not really hurt." I said holding out my stained shirt, showing him that there wasn't even a hole.

"Oh… Well…T-That's good I suppose." His eyes were wide and he was looking everywhere but us.

"Don't worry about it. We have everything under control," the director added.

Not looking convinced, he fidgeted with his hands in front of him. He then became conscious of his papers all over the ground and was on his hands and knees picking them up in an instant. He scooped them up into a haphazard pile in his arms before standing and yelling out, "Please excuse me, director!" bowing low, and practically running out of the room. This kid, whoever he was, was a nervous train wreck. He had probably heard some horrible rumors and stories about us four from the other, older cops. I'm sure seeing this was throwing any possibility of our normalcy out the window.

"Uh, yeah…Don't worry about him. He's just some new computer geek kid. He's actually pretty smart, just dense," the director stated. "Anyway," she continued, "We should probably get out of here and head over to the main conference room to see about that disk. Maybe it'll give us some clue as what this is all about. I've already got people on the way to clean this up." She adjusted her glasses once more and started to walk calmly out of the room, us following shortly after. I could tell she was one of those all work and no play kind of people. But her confidence was helping me to keep calm, or else my anxiety and dread would get the better of me and I'd be no help to anyone and I would feel much worse than I already did.

We only had to go a short distance down the hallway to conference room A. The director had to use a special level clearance card to access it though. The director held the door open for us and we strode, single file, into the darkness. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. Like the other conference room, this one was a decent size with multiple rows of desks, but the difference was that there were, thankfully, no windows and it contained high-tech looking computers on either side, and there was a large screen on the front wall. The director passed us and walked up to a man, already standing by the screen.

"You have the disk then?"

"Yes ma'am. It's a DVD. Our team already checked for fingerprints, hairs, fibers…We didn't find anything."

"And the note?"

"Here," he said handing it to her. "That's clean too. This guy was careful."

My stomach started to sink. This was sounding eerily close to the Kira case. I knew this sick bastard, whoever he was, had a terrible plan, and more than likely that's what would be on the disk. I knew he was going to explain his plan and expect us to listen to what he said. He wouldn't have gone through all this trouble for nothing.

"Please start the tape now."

"Yes ma'am." He pressed a button on a small remote in his hand and the screen flicked on, then he left the room quickly.

The man on the screen didn't show any part of his body or his location though. We could only see him, perched on a stool, surrounded by darkness, except for a single spotlight shining down on him.

"Hello taskforce."

He was just sitting there, ever so casually, with one leg crossed over the other, his fingers laced together, gloved hands resting on his top knee. He, of course, had his voice disguised, but in a high pitch rather than a deep menacing one. The thing about him that was the most disturbing though, was that he was wearing a clown mask. Not the typical big red nose, red around the mouth, and puffy orange hair made for making small children laugh. No. This one looked like it had been home-made, with uneven, sharp teeth, and what I guessed was supposed to be blood coming from the eye sockets and mouth. It had an evil grin twisting up at either corner. There was black paint, I presumed, messily smeared around the mouth and under the eyes. Worst of all was the word 'Kira' crudely painted over the forehead with, still dripping, scarlet paint.

"You may call me Fear."

"What the hell?" Aizawa blurted.

"Dammit! Not this again!" Ide shouted shortly after. Even Mogi gasped in shock. I just stared on in silence, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The air suddenly seemed like mud, so heavy and thick.

"Let's cut the chit-chat and get right to the heart of the matter, shall we?" I wanted to puke at the sound of the voice. "First of all," he continued. "I think we are all aware of who this man is." Some photographs filled the screen a second later. I didn't think it was possible, but my eyes got even larger. I took a step back, tempted to run out of the room and curl up into the fetal position. My stomach wasn't just doing flips in my belly, it was doing all out gymnastics.

The person in those photographs….was me.

It looked like they had been tailing me for quite awhile. Or at least during our time off. There was some of me at my grocery story, at a bar, and there was even some looking into my window at me in my apartment. They knew where I lived, and what I did, and even where I went to get food. I felt so stupid for not noticing. But then again, I was never observant like the others, and I was depressed.

"Now…" The screen became the image of this man, this "Fear" again. I hated looking at him. I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me. So, in a way, he was aptly named, instilling fear, trepidation, into my very soul. "I will tell you what we want." He had said 'we.' That didn't mean much just yet. It might be only two or three determined sociopaths, or it could very well be a whole organization of Kira supporters. Neither one sounded appealing. "Matsuda Touta." My heart leapt up to my throat. "We know what you did. You are the one who killed Kira." My face turned hot and red, and a sheen of sweat formed on my forehead. Fear gave a slight chuckle. "But it wasn't just Kira, was it? Haha…No." I didn't know if my heart could beat any faster. Fear uncrossed his legs and leaned closer to the camera. It seemed like he was staring right at me. "You know what I'm talking about." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

He knew. I didn't know how, but he knew.

"Anyway," he sat back up straight. "We want you to come forward about the truth. You need to tell the world about your sin! You hand yourself over to us, then we get your confession on camera, show it on a special broadcast on Sakura TV, and the world is no longer denied the truth! Besides…" Another evil chuckle escaped from behind the mask. "You wouldn't want something to happen to your precious friends or parents now, would you?" More pictures clicked onto the monitor, not of me, but of my mother and father, Ide Mogi, and Aizawa with his family no less! A wave of pure anger and fury enveloped me. It was one thing to threaten me alone, but I wasn't about to let him lay one finger on anyone else. The screen flicked back to Fear. 

"That'd be a real shame. If you don't give yourself up, we'll be forced to hurt them. We don't want to. In fact, we don't want to hurt anybody… But if we have to in the name of Kira, we will. He _will_ be avenged." His tone of voice had gradually become more serious and dark. "So you just remember this, Matsuda Touta…" I gulped. "Show up at the Yellow Box warehouse, alone, on February 16th at noon and we'll know that you have decided to repent your sin against god Kira. However, if you do not show up, it is the same as telling us that you do not plan on cooperating with us, in which case… Well… I hope you care for your family and friends enough not to find out." The tape ended with Fear's maniacal laughter ringing throughout my skull.

Everyone stared at me, but I couldn't do anything. I was like a deer caught in headlights. The horror was too much for me to handle. My eyes bulged and my knees buckled. My legs gave out from beneath me. I crashed to the floor and just sat there, slumped over on my knees, one hand holding my face, the other on the ground trying to keep me upright. I was sweating like a dog and I felt dizzy and lightheaded.

'_W-What?_' was all I could think. I didn't have the strength to even utter a word. The world around me faded away into fuzziness. My brain couldn't comprehend anything anymore. For a moment, I had forgotten what I was doing, where I was, and why I was on the floor. The shock was so much that I was in denial of ever even coming into work. Then it all hit me, like the paintball had slammed into me earlier. That was nothing in comparison with now.

Someone was trying to kill me. Actually, they were trying to get me to hand myself over to them, tell the world what they think is the "truth" about me shooting Kira, AKA Light, probably torture me, and then kill me. And if I didn't do what they said, they would force me to do it in a way that meant possible injury or death to the ones I held dearest to me. That just wasn't right. It couldn't be. _I guess the best insurance of their safety is just to do exactly what they want me to. I have no other choice than to give myself up._ My brain was running a million miles an hour.

_Hurting the ones I love? Never! I'll never let him do that! Should I do what he says? Should I not and see what happens? Maybe we can make a plan to find him and get out of this. What if they torture me if they get me? I know they will! I don't want to be tortured! If I give myself up, would it be better if I kill myself before they do torture me? What about the Yagami family? I don't want them to find out the truth about Light! Even if I tell the truth about the shinigami and the death note, no one would believe that! They would think I killed him, not to mention he was Kira! Poor Sachiko! And poor little Sayu! Why do they even want me to announce it publically, to humiliate me? And at the Yellow Box of all places? If they know it's me, why not kill me now? Oh, what have I done?_

Somewhere in the background, being blocked out by the sound of my drumming heart, I faintly heard what sounded like a male voice calling my name.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I know it's been a long time since I updated this. To be honest, I had trouble writing the next part (writer's block or whatever). And then with school….meh. -_- Anyway, I also changed my story a bit than what I originally planned, so I changed the summary a little.

Also, I realized that the date that Matsuda's supposed to meet on is wrong. But just pretend it's about a week(ish) later. Sssoooo….yeah…..but that specific date isn't that super important. Hehe… ^^;

Chapter 8:

**Matsuda:**

"…Matsuda…?"

_W-What? Who?..._

"Matsuda…"

_Me? R-Right…_

"…Matsuda. Hey, Matsu."

I stood up slowly, faltering a little, my head swimming. I blinked rapidly with the spinning of the room. "Hey, Matsuda, you okay?" Aizawa asked for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

"Yeah, I-I just…I need to…um…I just need some…some fresh air," I muttered hopelessly. I started staggering out of the room.

"Matsuda, wait," Aizawa called to me. I started walking faster. I was beginning to think clearer now, the shock dissipating, and I wanted to get away from everyone before I put them in more danger. "Matsuda, where are you going?" Aizawa demanded as he stomped after me. He put a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off harshly and kept walking. He slowed down for a moment, taken aback, but started up again, angry that I was ignoring him. I pushed the door open and stormed into the hallway, Aizawa not long after. "Matsuda!" He caught up with me, but this time he had an iron grip on my shoulders and spun me around, forcing me to look at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing!" he practically screamed.

"I told you, I just need some fresh air," I stated apathetically. I turned around to walk into the other conference room to get my suit jacket, putting it on and buttoning it, making sure to cover as much of the red stain as possible. When I walked back out into the hallway, Aizawa was giving be the most dumbfounded, what-the-hell-are-you-thinking-Matsuda look he had ever given me.

"Are you insane? There's a lunatic out there who wants you dead and you're just going to stroll outside? You might as well put a big red bow on your head while you're at it!" I looked past Aizawa, at Mogi and Ide who had followed Aizawa and I, and looked down. I was more disappointed in myself than ever. I knew it was a stupid idea, but I didn't care. _If the simplest way to keep the people I care about safe is to leave, then why not? They'd be better off without me anyway…_

"Do you not remember what happened within the last ten minutes, Matsuda?" Aizawa continued. "And that was all when you were in the freaking _headquarters_! If you just waltzed outside you'd be walking target practice for them! Is that what you want?"

I bit my bottom lip to suppress my urge to scream yes, but it didn't help much. "Maybe, Aizawa! I don't know!" He took a step back.

"Matsuda…" he said softly. He stared right into my eyes, and quite possibly my very soul. I looked away quickly and clenched my jaw.

"I just…" I took a deep breath through my nose. "I just need to get out of here right now. I need to figure out what I'm going to do." I was at a breaking point.

"Matsuda." Aizawa started. "You said earlier, right before…you know…" I knew he meant before I got "shot," but what did I say? He continued on. "You said earlier that you didn't want to watch anyone else you cared about die, right? Well it's the same for us. We care about you too, Matsuda. And we don't want to watch you get hurt either." I looked back up at him. His face seemed to suddenly become much older, and more caring. "We don't want to lose you too. Besides, you don't have to do this alone." I looked down again. _Yes. I do._ "We're here to back you up. We'll figure this out together, and we'll get this bastard." The way he said all of this was so comforting. It made me tear up, just knowing that they cared, at least a little. But I cared about them too. That's why I knew I had to leave.

I looked back up at Aizawa. Then behind him, at Mogi, and Ide, then back at Aizawa. I took a step back. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. I took a few more hesitant steps back, then spun around and ran. I ran as fast as I could. It felt like the weight of the building would come crushing down on me at any moment.

"Matsuda, wait!" I heard Aizawa call after me as I bolted down the stairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator. In the solitude of the stairwell, I started to tear up again. My eyes stung and my vision blurred. When I reached the bottom, I stopped to gather myself together before opening the door to the main floor lobby. I took a deep breath and calmly strode through the first floor, keeping my head down. I passed all the unsuspecting officers and agents, the receptionist at the front desk, all unaware of my current situation. If they did know, they would probably give me up in a heartbeat, even though we helped save their lives by defeating Kira.

I walked out the front door and a wave of relief hit me as the cold air and rain did. There weren't many people walking by anymore with the rush of their morning commute having died down, coupled with the rain. For a moment, I debated which way to go, left or right. It was pouring so hard I was already soaked. For a split second, I thought about turning around and going back in and apologizing to everyone. They would forgive me it I just put up my old "idiotic Matsuda" face with a dumb laugh.

I closed my eyes and sighed heavily with frustration, tilting my head up towards the sky, letting the freezing rain hit my face. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately, hiding my emotions like that. Actually, I had been doing it for a long time, especially since the Kira case started.

It began around the time Ukita was killed. Not many people knew, but we were pretty good friends. When he was killed I felt guilty that he had died and not me. For a long time, I couldn't get over it, but I tried to act like my usual self and help the team as much as I could. I felt better eventually and after a while things were back to normal. Then the chief died. Once again, I felt guilty because it wasn't me instead. He had a family to take care of, and he still insisted on being the one to take the shinigami eyes and confront Mello. Even though he knew it was dangerous. Even though he knew he could die. Even though he knew he was already giving up half of his remaining life span. And even though I spoke up first to do it, he said he would, if only for the sake of protecting me. Not just me, but if anyone else had offered to do it, he would have done the same, because that's the kind of person he was.

He was a hero. And I let him die.

I should have persisted. Then maybe he would still be alive, be there for his family, and I would have been the one who was killed, not him. I sometimes wished I had died in that explosion at least. Then I wouldn't have felt so bad for living when the chief wasn't.

It's the same for when I shot Light too. I occasionally wish he had written my name down on the piece of the death note he had before I shot him. Then someone else could have taken him down. I would have died but at least the others would live safely and I wouldn't have shot the chief's son. I should never have lost control like that in the first place. I let the chief down. I killed his only son and left his family without a father and husband, and a son and brother. There were different scenarios I thought of that could have played out, all ending in the chief and Light living-and most of them ending in my death.

I returned to reality, and bowed my head, sighing again. None of those scenarios happened. The chief was dead. Light was dead. I could have prevented them both, but I didn't. I was alive and they weren't. I put the remaining, living, team in danger and now they could die. I caused all of this. I needed to figure out a plan, and I was convinced I already had one.

I got into my car, started it, pulled out, and went left, now sure of my destination. I just had to get where I was headed and do what needed to be done. I was certain, then, of what I was supposed to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Man, I have had some trouble using my brain lately… -_- And school didn't help with that… Despite that, I have managed to write the next chapter (though it's not very interesting)… It really just explains what Aizawa thinks and does after Matsuda left.

Chapter 9

**Aizawa:**

"Aizawa?...Wha…what should we do now?" Ide asked hesitantly.

"I…I don't know yet," I answered honestly, still not facing their direction. I hung my head. I felt like I was failing my team. I was failing the chief. I shouldn't have just let Matsuda go like that, but once he was set on doing something, he usually did it, one way or another. Besides, the way he was acting scared me. He was normally the guy that everyone could depend on to be cheerful in a bleak situation, even if we knew he was faking it. He always had a smile on his face, however annoying or unwanted. I was shocked. He just wasn't the same Matsuda anymore. I mean, I wasn't really surprised at his change in demeanor, considering the past six years, but I didn't expect him to yell at me and run away. Then again, there was that time that he ran off by himself to the Yotsuba Company trying to help the team, but he almost got himself killed in the process.

I felt terrible that we made him feel like he had to prove himself. This was all our- my- fault. If I wasn't so hard on him all the time, calling him degrading names, reducing him to the errand boy, he wouldn't be blaming himself for what happened. And if he was willing to do anything even remotely close to back in the Yotsuba Group incident…. I had to find him. Immediately.

"Idiot!" I yelled. Mogi, Ide, and the director all jumped at once at the sudden loudness of my voice in the echoing hallway.

"I'm sure he was just distraught, Aizawa. He probably just wasn't thinking straight," Mogi spoke up.

"No, not Matsuda, me!" I called over my shoulder as I sped into the other conference room to grab my jacket before heading down the hallway toward the elevator. "I shouldn't have let him go out by himself with someone targeting him." I couldn't believe that I let him out of my sight at all. I heard Mogi's and Ide's footsteps as they started to follow, but I shouted to them from the entrance to the elevator door. "You guys stay here! I'll get Matsuda back!" I saw them exchange glances between each other, but I knew they would listen. "Don't worry!" I called for good measure, though more for myself than for them. The elevator doors dinged open, recalling my attention.

Once inside and the doors closed, I let out what was possibly to deepest sigh I'd ever breathed, like I was trying to release some of all the built up emotions that had suddenly boiled to the surface again. If I wasn't in the middle of work and trying to find Matsuda, I would probably end up crying a little. I would never admit to anyone, but for the first week after the end of the Kira case, I cried myself to sleep every night. I cried for every good person that died in the fight against Kira, especially the people we knew; the chief, Ukita, innocent people like those FBI agents, Naomi Misora, even Mello and that kid Matt. All of them were trying to help catch Kira, maybe not in the most ethical of ways, but help nonetheless. And all fell victim to the hands of Kira and his followers. I cried for Light too. He didn't have to become a mass murderer. He didn't have to kill innocent people either. He didn't have to become one of the world's worst monsters of all times. But he did. That was his choice, and I felt so sorry for him, and anyone associated with him.

But I wasn't at home, and I was in the middle of something important. Hopefully I would be able to prevent another death, another friend lost.

"Oh god, Matsuda, please be okay," I said aloud. I'd hoped he hadn't gotten far. The elevator dinged again to let me off and I took a deep breath before venturing out. I jogged through the lobby, passed all the dirty looks and raised eyebrows, and burst out of the building, barely parsing for the automatic doors to open.

I came to a complete halt.

I looked around frantically, but didn't see Matsuda or his car anywhere around. "Damn it!" _He couldn't have gotten far, right? But what if someone already got to him and kidnapped him! _I started to panic, my thoughts jumping immediately to every worst situation I could possibly imagine. I just couldn't help but think about all the things that could go wrong with something like this: Kidnap, held hostage, beaten, tortured…they would blame him for everything that happened in the Kira case, especially in the end, how he had shot Light, and then make him admit to it on camera to the entire world. They would make him suffer.

In my mind, I saw Matsuda, lying on the ground in some sort of dark warehouse that was filled with a variety of weapons. He was bloody and broken, barely conscious, coughing up blood, alone. No, not alone, worse. I imagined Fear standing over him menacingly with that demented clown mask dripping with Matsuda's blood, his gun in hand, pointed down for the final blow. At this point, I was frozen. Not from the cold, but because of the fear of my thoughts becoming a reality. All these possibilities were rattling around in my brain. But one certainty stood out among the others.

I would not let anything like that happen to him, or the rest of my team for that matter.

I jogged to my car and got in. I tried Matsuda's cell phone. "Come on, Matsuda, pick up!" I pleaded out load. No luck. It went straight to voicemail. I didn't know where he went or what else to do except call the director and let her, Mogi, and Ide know that I was going to look for him, though I didn't even know where to start. Since he was probably in his car, driving, he could have been in a lot of places by then.

As I was pulling out into the road, slowly because the rain made the road slippery, I flipped open my cell phone and dialed the director's number.

"This is Director Hashimoto."

"Hello, this is Aizawa. Are you still with Ide and Mogi?"

"Yes. Hey, is everything okay? Did you find Matsuda?"

"Actually," I began, "That's what I was calling you about. I just wanted to let you know that he took his car, so I'm going to drive and look for him. Can you tell Mogi and Ide too?"

"Sure thing."

"Thank you, Director."

"And, hey…" she started.

"Yeah?"

"I hope you find him in time."

"Yeah…So do I."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I'm going to need it," I finished and hung up. _Now let's see… If I were Matsuda- emotional and unpredictable- where the hell would I go at a time like this? _Then an idea hit me. _No… It's not that simple, is it? It can't be… But then again, it _is_ Matsuda… _I pondered. "He went home, didn't he?" I said out loud, incredulously. It just seemed like something Matsuda would do at a time like this. For someone so unpredictable, he sure was, well, predictable. It made sense though. He was really emotional and upset, wanting stability. So what better and comforting a place to go than your own home? Even if he wasn't at his apartment, it seemed as good a place as any to start looking. Maybe there would be some sort of clue as to where he went or what crazy idea he had planned next. I hoped if I got to him in time that he would listen to reason and let us help him. I made a U-turn and went down the road as fast as the wet pavement would allow.

AN: so what do you think? Personally, I'm not completely happy with it, but maybe you think differently? Please let me know. ^_^


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Ide**

"Aizawa? Wha…What do we do now?" I asked, sounding like a frightened child. But my brain stopped functioning. I needed someone to tell me what to do next.

"I… I don't know," he replied flatly. He never turned to face us. Good. I didn't want him to see my confused expression. I was hopeless. I had never seen Matsuda yell at Aizawa like that before, and I certainly didn't expect him to run away. He was just… gone. He didn't even react to almost dying. In fact, he almost seemed sad that he wasn't dead. He was really scaring me.

None of us ran after him because we were all too shocked to. We didn't know what to say to each other either, so we said nothing for a long time. After a couple minutes of deafening silence, Aizawa yelled out, "Idiot!" the sound resounding through the corridor making us jump out of our skins.

"I'm sure he was just distraught, Aizawa. He probably just wasn't thinking straight," Mogi courageously spoke up. He had more guts than me, always had. Anyone could see that Aizawa was pissed, and I didn't want to say anything for fear that he would yell at me.

"No, not Matsuda, me!" Aizawa called over his shoulder, running into the other room to get his jacket then down the hallway to the elevator. Mogi and I started to follow him, but he turned toward us and shouted, "You guys stay here! I'll get Matsuda back!" We exchanged unsure glances, but he added, "Don't worry!" We couldn't really disobey him. He was already stressed enough and we couldn't do much to help anyway. All we could really do was wait. And it bothered the hell out of me. I felt the same way earlier when we thought Matsuda was shot and dying too. All I could do was sit and watch, helplessly. Even when I joined the Kira case, I was just waiting for Light to tell us what to do, and where to go.

I hated it, with every fiber of my being. I hated always being out of the loop, left behind. _Matsuda's my friend to dammit! _I mentally screamed. _I can't just sit back and watch! _I sighed. _But what can we do? Where are we supposed to go? _

Once again, I was unable to help.

**Matsuda**

When I got home, it was dark. The clouds covering the sky in a thick blanket mimicked night. I didn't even want to turn on the light. I just felt like hiding there, curling up in a corner for the rest of my miserable life. And judging by the way things were going today, that wouldn't be very long. I flicked the light switch anyway, to my dismay, to do what I knew I had to do. I figured someone would probably follow me, whether it was Fear or the team, so I had to hurry. I grabbed a notepad and a pen and quickly scrawled out the words I had been thinking about since I left the headquarters.

A few stray tears ran down my cheeks onto the edge of the paper. _I'm so sorry, you guys. But I have to do this. It's for the best, for your safety, _I thought, as I wrote the last few words. I smiled sadly. "Funny," I said out loud. "This is almost like a suicide note."

I ripped the piece of paper from the notepad along the perforated line at the top and placed it gently on the table, leaving the small light on over it to make sure whoever came in would see it. Then I put the notepad and pen away in a drawer and walked out, but left the door unlocked. It wouldn't matter now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Aizawa**

I arrived at Matsuda's apartment complex, ran up the stairs to the fifth floor and then down the hall to Matsuda's door. I banged as loud as I could several times, and yelled Matsuda's name. When he didn't answer, I figured he wasn't there. I tried the door. It was unlocked. That really concerned me. I didn't know what to expect if I went inside, but I had to. The door was unlocked for a reason. I couldn't just walk away now. I entered slowly, taking my gun out of my holster, being ever so quiet, ever so vigilant. Someone other than Matsuda could have been there. Of what I could see in the dimly lit, tiny place, Matsuda's apartment was clean; no sign of a break-in or a struggle. In fact, it seemed a bit too clean. It was cleaner than what I would expect from Matsuda.

One small light was on in the kitchen over the table that contained only one thing on top of it. I finished searching the rest of the apartment before putting my gun back in my holster and going to the kitchen where the lone light was illuminating one neatly placed piece of paper with Matsuda's handwriting on it. It looked like there were some water droplets on the edges too. The letter read:

Dear whoever reads this,

I don't know whether the taskforce will read this first, or Fear. I really hope it's the former, because this is my goodbye letter. I'm sorry, Aizawa. I know you told me that we can work this out together, but we can't. Not this time. This is my problem and I'm going to deal with it. I'm truly sorry for endangering you all. Again, I'm sorry. You guys are my closest friends. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'll do my best to fix this mess. I hope you can forgive me.

-Matsuda

My stomach dropped. I had to reread the letter twice to fully comprehend the words. I felt weak, and had to lean on the table for support. "Dammit. Matsuda, you idiot!" I pounded the table with my fist then stormed out of the apartment, the paper still in my hand, and slammed the door behind me. I stopped myself though. I had to think clearly at a time like this. I tried to think of any place that I knew of that Matsuda would go next, but to no avail. I sighed and went back inside to turn off the light, then made the trek back down the stairs to the main office. I showed the woman behind the desk my badge and told her which apartment she needed to lock, seeing as how I didn't have a key. I also told her to keep me notified if any utilities were used (because those things were monitored on their computers for billing information) so I'd know if anyone was there and gave her my work number.

I walked quickly back outside to my car, got in, and sat there, staring down at the letter in my hands. It had a few water drops on it from when I had walked from the building to my car in the rain. I remembered that it already had some water drops on it in the apartment. I knew which ones they were too, because the rain drops were smaller and had hit the paper at an angle. The previous ones didn't fall on it at an angle and were partially dry. Then I realized something. _They're…tear drops. He was… He was crying when he wrote this… _I reread the part where he wrote that this was his goodbye letter. My eyes became moist. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat before getting out my cell phone and dialing Mogi. I didn't want him to hear how shaky my voice was.

"Hello?" he answered. I thought it was kind of nice how he answered his phone. Instead of just stating his last name like Ide and me, he made it more personal. For such a big stoic guy, he was a softy. I hoped nothing ever happened to him or Ide too.

"Yeah, this is Aizawa," I responded. "I'm leaving Matsuda's apartment now. I'm on my way back to the headquarters. He wasn't there, but you'll wanna see what I found. Then we'll figure out what our next move is." I purposely left out that what I found was a goodbye note that Matsuda left. There was no need until I got back and told them in person.

"Okay… See you soon then."

"Yeah." I hung up and started the drive back to what seemed like the place where everything bad had started: the NPA headquarters.

AN: Yeah! I uploaded two chapters in one day! Anyway, I just want to let everyone know (even though it's pretty late into the story) that yes, there is a reason behind the corny title. So just bear with me until the end. ^-^ I also realized that the NPA headquarters is a very unlucky place if you think about it…

Also, I hope you have enjoyed what's going on so far and can understand it. Please feel free to leave a review. I love it when people comment. It makes me feel so happy! =D


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Matsuda**

I drove straight into the bad part of town. I needed to find some random motel to stay in, somewhere where no one could find me. I just needed to get a room and hide out there until the meeting. _Well, actually, I may need to make a quick stop at home._ I had been in such a rush and was so upset, that I had forgotten to get a bag with some clothes for the next few days. _Great, Matsuda… Good job._ At least I had my wallet.

_But wait._ I had thought of something. _If I don't want anyone to find me, I'll have to ditch my phone so they can't track me, and I need to get rid of my car so they don't happen to see it and know where I'm at. I can only use cash too. _I had to practically drop off the face of the planet. _I wish I could… It would make things so much simpler. _I quickly turned off my phone. First things first; before anything else, I had to find a cheap motel room. Fast.

I strayed deep into that "questionable area of the city for about 20 minutes before finding a suitable place to stay. I parked-and locked- my car, feeling nervous that it might be stolen. Then I decided that I didn't really care all that much and tried to appear inconspicuous as I walked toward the door. Before venturing in I remembered something. I reached into my jacket pocket and took out my phone. I turned it off and threw it on the ground, making sure to stomp it into oblivion on the sidewalk.

I strolled inside but kept my face hidden behind my strands of wet bangs. The man behind the counter didn't seem to think much of me, but a few other tough-biker-looking guys with multiple tattoos and piercings with colored mohawks who passed me looked at me with what seemed to be snarls. I didn't make eye contact. I wanted to flee back home, but I just looked down at my feet as I approached the counter.

"I need a room, please," I said quietly, still not lifting my head.

"Sure thing," the muscular man replied in his deep voice. He put his hand in a drawer and it reappeared a moment later holding a key with a number engraved onto its side. "40 bucks per day," he added as he held out his empty hand expectantly, still withholding the key in the other.

"Uh…. Yeah." I fumbled with my wallet for a moment and handed him the agreed upon sum. He counted and in return tossed me the key. I didn't reply and trudged up the stairs. I turned on the light to my room and scrunched up my nose as I looked around at the shabby quarters. The nightstand and the bed were the only two pieces of furniture that adorned the space. The yellowing wallpaper was peeling, the cheap carpet was dirty and stained with what I really hoped wasn't blood, and I didn't even know when the last time the bed sheets were washed. I flopped down on the squeaky bed, noticing a small puff of dust fly up off of it. I grimaced at how filthy everything here was. I stood up, shook out the blanket and sat down again on the edge.

I rested my forearms on my legs and hung my hands down between them. I was so tired. I was just so god damn tired of everything. I stared down at the floor for a while and tried to take deep breaths. But every breath seemed to become shakier than the last.

_I should just die, _I suggested to myself. _Maybe offing myself would solve everything. Is suicide really an option for me? _I had never seriously debated it before, but I had been depressed for a long time and now it all seemed to make sense. I certainly didn't want to give myself up alive. They would torture me to no end. By the time Fear was finished with me my body would no doubt be found in pieces, if it was found at all. But if I died before they got to me or any more of the people I cared about, then it might work. Right? Everything would be okay. They'd have the person that killed their "God" and my friends and family would be safe.

_Would anyone care? Probably not. They would be glad they didn't have to take care of me like a kid anymore. _I cared about the team, more than I cared about myself. They weren't screw ups like I was. They weren't the reason everyone they love is in danger. They didn't kill a friend. They were good people. And I felt sick to my stomach with self-loathing. I couldn't think of a single reason why anyone would love me, or want me around for long. My stupidity could entertain someone for a little while, but sooner or later everyone gets tired of me. They always have. After I got out of school, none of my childhood friends bothered to call me, not even just to say hi.

_But wait. Aizawa said that they cared about me, right? Even if they did feel a bit sad if I died, they'd get over it soon enough, _I thought. Anyway, this was for their safety. Their safety was much more important than my death. I sighed. I was slowly drowning in the depths of depression. And depression was like quicksand. The more I struggled against it, the deeper into its dark abyss I sank, into a place in which few get out alive. A sob racked my body and I didn't even try to stop the tears that poured down my face.

I had made my decision. I just hoped it would help everyone.

_But still, I don't want to completely disappoint everyone. I don't want to be viewed as a coward who took his life because he couldn't face the consequences of his actions, _I thought. Then I had an idea. _I know… I'll make it look like I died in a gunfight. Fear will definitely have a bunch of guys with guns at the meeting. If I shoot at them, they'll shoot back. It's human nature to defend yourself. _I thought it was a pretty good plan. I recalled movies I'd seen and stories I'd read or heard. No one ever thought the guy who died in a gunfight with the bad guys was ever a coward. They always made him out to be a hero, especially if he was a cop.

_I'll go down fighting. That's more ideal than just shooting myself in the head or hanging myself. At least then no one can say I didn't try. Maybe I'll even get some guys before I die. I mean, I don't want to kill any more people, but if it comes down to it, I will. Besides, that would be less the rest of the team would have to worry about anyway… Including me. _

I started to feel better. Developing this seemingly fool-proof plan and playing the scene out in my mind was reassuring. I sniffed and dried my tears on my sleeves.

I smiled sadly to myself, knowing that I made the right choice for once in my life.

**Mogi**

When Aizawa had exited the elevator, he seemed… different. He still had a relatively determined look on his face, and was soaked from head to toe from the rain, but something else was there too, something that normally wasn't. He looked… depressed actually; sad, like he could almost cry. And he looked older. I swallowed hard and my stomach felt sick with worry. _What happened that could make him look that way? _I wondered. _What happened to Matsuda?_

When Aizawa left to look for Matsuda, Ide and I had gone downstairs for more coffee, but went right back upstairs to standing in the corridor again, not knowing what else to do. Unfortunately, the director was still there, still trying to dig her nose into our business. I know she's the director; it's her job to know. But I just didn't want anyone else getting too deep in our problems. I wished it was just us. It should've been just Ide, Aizawa, and me searching for Matsuda. It felt too personal for her to be with us right now. That and the fact that we had learned to keep everything and anything having to do with even the word Kira a secret. But it seemed like we needed all the help we could get. And having the director of the NPS's help might come in handy in the future.

Aizawa trudged toward us tiredly, a flimsy sheet of paper in hand. I wondered if that was what he had found at Matsuda's apartment. _Is that what's making him look so worried? _I saw Aizawa swallow hard too. _What could that possibly be? A ransom note or something?_ A moment later, my questions were answered.

"Here," he said, handing me the piece of paper. "I found this at Matsuda's apartment. You need to take a look at it." I did. As I read, I gasped and my eyes widened.

"What? What is it?" Ide questioned. I finished and passed him the letter. He drew in a sharp breath. No sooner than Ide lifted his head from reading did the director snatch the note out of his hands to have a look for herself. Aizawa stood in silence, while Ide and I were feeling how he felt. I kept my eyes down, locked on the floor. I heard the director breath a short sigh. "Well," she started. "You three know Matsuda better than I do. Any idea where he might have gone or what he's planning to do now?"

"No," Aizawa said. Ide shook his head. I simply stood there, motionless, like a statue. "We can try tracking his phone, but Matsuda probably tossed it by now," Aizawa added.

"I see," the director replied. "I guess the best thing to do is go about this the old fashioned way." Aizawa looked at her. His face still showed a shred of hope. "We'll have to start looking for him," she continued.

Ide cut in, "I don't think he left the city. Maybe he's hiding in some motel. It would take awhile, but searching motels might help." Aizawa seemed thoughtful, and the director nodded her head.

"All right then. I guess we should start. Something's better than nothing at this point. I'll go see about tracking Matsuda's phone. You'll go out and start asking around," the director ordered. "Oh, and I don't think we should make posters or anything. We don't want people thinking he's some kind of fugitive." That was a good point. The last thing we needed was some bounty hunter going after him too. "Let's just keep this between us. I hate to say this, but anyone else would give one of you four up in a heartbeat after the Kira case." I didn't want to agree with her, but she was right. We were like our own faction. No one else really fit in. We were separated from the rest of the world. We were becoming known in the law enforcement community as the four who helped bring about Kira's demise, which could be taken in either a good or bad way depending on the person.

"Understood, Director," we said in unison.

"That is all."

We spun around and started for the elevator. I was certain we would find Matsuda, no matter what it took.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Matsuda**

Everything was dark. Pitch black. I realized my eyes were closed. I heard evil laughter. The way it echoed made it seem like it was everywhere, all around me. The voice seemed so familiar, like I had heard it somewhere before. I opened my eyes and looked up. I was on my knees on the ground, sitting in the middle of a warehouse; the Yellow Box warehouse. My hands and ankles were bound tightly with duct tape. Fear was looming over me, with that demented clown mask's smile seeming to grow larger knowing he had me in his grasp. His revolver was pointed down toward me, aimed at the center of my forehead.

Then he slowly pulled away enough of his mask so that half of his face was showing. What was there made my stomach lurch. The face behind the Kira mask was Light's, wearing that same demonic smile he had when he confessed to being one of the world's worst mass murderers, the same glowing red eyes. He started laughing hysterically again.

My eyes opened wider than I thought possible, and my pupils shrank to quivering dots despite the darkness of the place. I turned ghostly pale, and I tried to inch away. "No... No, that's impossible!" I was losing it. "It can't be! You can't be real! I- I shot you! I… I killed you…"

He stopped laughing abruptly. "Goodbye Matsuda," he said calmly, still grinning. "You weren't able to kill me this time." He pulled the trigger slowly. I squeezed my eyes shut.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

~x0xOx0~

I gasped loudly and jolted upright in my bed, expecting to be shot and dead. I was in a cold sweat and breathing hard. I relaxed seeing that I was in the motel room I had rented.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! I jumped at the sound of pounding consecutively on someone's door out in the hallway. "Hey!" Bang! Bang! Bang! "Dude, you in there? Open up!" I heard a gruff male voice yell. The walls were thin and his angered screaming was giving me a headache already. "Hey, come on!" he started again. "You haven't paid your room fees in two days! This shit ain't free! I ain't no charity! Pay or get the hell out!" I guessed it was the manager.

I reached over to retrieve my wrist watch off of the small, cracked bedside table. I checked the time. _Why do I have to be woken up so early by his-? _"What?" It was already almost eleven thirty in the morning. "Ugh!" I jumped out of bed, fully awake now. "How did I sleep so late?" I pulled open the top drawer of the nightstand and took out the suit I was wearing the day before. "Damn. I forgot about the paint stain." But I just had to ignore it and cover it as much as possible until I could make the trip back to my apartment, which seemed like a mansion in comparison with this dump.

I made sure to grab everything I brought- my clothes, shoes, wallet, watch, and my badge and gun being the only items- and left, squeezing by the red-faced manager down the narrow hall on my way out. When I stepped outside after returning my key, I noticed that it wasn't raining anymore, but it was still overcast and looked like it might drizzle. I got into my car, glad to be out of that place. Although I knew I would be in another one like it again for the next few nights. I started the car and made the journey back to my home in a daze.

xOx0xOx

When I stepped inside my apartment I noticed it was dark, aside from the diminutive amount of light filtering in through the curtains. The light I had left on in the kitchen was now off, and the note was missing. _Someone was here, but who? _I hoped it was the team. Just the thought of Fear or anyone else in my apartment was unsettling. I shivered at the mental image of Fear and his goons placing their grubby paws all over my personal belongings, especially while I wasn't present. But the door was also relocked. _Would those guys- desperate criminals- really be courteous enough to turn off the light and lock the door on their way out? _I raised an eyebrow.

I sighed. It really didn't matter. _I could care less whether they were here or not. The important thing is that they're not here now. _My stomach gurgling interrupted my mental complaints. _Ugh… I'm filthy and starving._ I made my way over to the bathroom and took a much needed, very comforting shower. The water was too hot at first and burned my skin, but I got used to it quickly. The warmth seemed to wrap its wispy arms around me and I inhaled the steam deeply. I scrubbed hard at my skin, trying to remove any trace of the past couple day's events, any remaining smell or particle from that dingy, dank motel. As I washed, I tried to forget the previous day. How I wished I could have rinsed away memories as simply as if they were dirt lingering on my skin.

I reluctantly turned the faucet, halting the flow of water. I carefully stepped out of the shower so as not to slip, drying and covering myself with a towel. I paused momentarily to look at what part of my reflection the fogged mirror would allow. I hated myself because of what I did. I could hardly stand to look at myself. I padded my way across the cold linoleum until I left the bathroom and was shuffling tiredly down the carpeted hallway to my bedroom. I took a glance toward the clock on the nightstand. I had been in the shower for nearly forty minutes.

I still felt exhausted, and the shower calmed my jittery nerves. All I wanted to do was pull on my sweatpants, plop myself down on my bed, and sleep for the next few days. I put on a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt instead, followed by a plain black hoodie. Wearing my suit, like a cop, around a particularly criminal filled area of the city didn't exactly help me to blend in. Besides, I had been told before many times that I didn't look like a cop at all. They said that I could pass for doing a lot of other things, but that I just didn't have that law enforcement, authority air about me. I never liked when people had told me that before. I felt like I wasn't a real officer then. Now it was ironic that one of the many things I didn't like about myself was actually something that would come in handy.

I just finished pulling on my socks, sitting on my bed, when the phone rang. I don't know what in the world possessed me to answer it, but I did, out of habit I guess. I figured if it wasn't important I would just hang up. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the phone.

"Hello."

"Matsuda! Thank god it's you! You actually picked up!"

I blinked. "Aizawa?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Aizawa**

"Aizawa?" Matsuda asked disbelievingly. "W…Ho…How did you know I was even home?" he stuttered.

"That's not important! Matsuda, why in the HELL would you run off like that!" I barked down my cell. "You can't just run away from your problems!" A pause.

"Aizawa, I can't talk to you right now," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. He didn't even sound phased that I was yelling at him.

"Matsuda, wait! Don't hang up!" I pleaded.

"Why? So you can tell me everything's going to be okay? Because it's not, Aizawa! Not this time."

"Okay, fine. I won't say that then. Just… Come back, Matsuda… We're all looking for you. Everyone's worried."

"I… I can't."

"Matsuda, are you even listening to what I'm saying?" I snapped again. "And what do you mean you can't? You can and you will!"

"No I'm not, Aizawa!"

"Matsuda, I found your letter yesterday," I blurted. There was only silence from the other side of the phone. "Matsuda?" I checked to make sure he was still on the line.

"Yeah… And?"

"Matsuda, this doesn't have to be just your problem. We were all there that day, together, and you didn't even kill Li-… Kira. Ryuuk did. The autopsy confirmed he died of a heart attack," I tried once more to get him to listen to logic. "Come back and we can make a plan to catch this guy, damn it! Together!"

"Sorry, Shuichi," he used my first name, making it more personal, more regretful. "You know he would have died anyway…And I don't want you risking your lives because of me! I won't do it. I just… I can't… I can't kill any more of my friends."

"You won't kill any of us! This is not your fault! It's Fear's fault! It's Kira's! Not yours!" I yelled angrily.

"…Yes… It is…" He sounded like he had started to cry. "This is all my fault," he said, and sniffed.

"Matsuda…" I felt bad for him. "It's not all your fault. None of us could have predicted that Light would try to kill us. Even though it doesn't seem like it, I think you did the right thing… You saved all of our lives, you know."

_Don't worry, Matsuda, just keep talking. I'll be there soon enough. I just have to keep distracting him! _I thought.

He seemed to realize what I was trying to do though. "I'm sorry… Goodbye, Aizawa. And tell Ide and Mogi goodbye too," he said hastily.

"Matsuda, wait!" Too late. He had hung up. I was about halfway there, and needed to hurry before he left again. The traffic would slow me down substantially. I put my sirens and lights on, but the cars still weren't moving fast enough. "C'mon, c'mon," I muttered under my breath at the snail-paced cars inching forward in front of me.

"Finally!" The cars were moving faster now, some changing lanes and moving over more. There was a space open in front and I sped up a little. I was passing through a large intersection I recognized. _There's just a short distance to go until Matsuda's apartment._ I was concentrating on the cars in front of me. They blocked my path and slowed me down again.

I didn't notice the black SUV that sped through the red light perpendicular to me. Not until it was too late. He T-boned me right in the driver's side. Everything after that was a blur. I was in and out of consciousness.

There was the sound of skidding, and glass shattered everywhere. Pain. People yelling. Sirens wailing. Lights flashing. I was being wheeled away. Then nothing.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital bed next to Ide and Mogi with an IV drip stuck in my arm and bandages all over me. I was hooked up to a heart monitor and could hear the consistent beep of my heart, letting me know I was still alive at least. There was a variety of flowers in a vase on the table next to the bed, along with a get well card with some crayon drawings next to the words "Get well soon daddy!"

"Aizawa?" Ide sighed with relief.

"So, you're finally awake," said Mogi.

I was still dazed. "What…" I trailed off, my voice hoarse.

"You were in a pretty bad car accident," started Mogi. "They don't know who did it. It was a hit and run. But I think we can all take a guess at who's responsible."

"The doctors say you have a severe concussion, a couple of cracked ribs, and some minor cuts and bruises," Ide added. "But you were really lucky that it wasn't worse."

I cleared my throat and wished I hadn't. I sure felt the cracked ribs. "What time is it?" I asked slowly. I felt so exhausted. I closed my eyes.

"It's about nine. You've been out cold all day," Mogi stated. My eyes flew open and I turned to look out the window, wincing at the soreness in my neck. It was dark out. "Shit," I said quietly, staring back up at the ceiling. It wasn't raining, but the light from the city reflecting off of the bottoms of the clouds told me the sky was still covered in a layer of them.

"We were pretty worried. We didn't know how long you would be out for," Ide said. "Your wife and kids were here earlier," he said, motioning quickly toward the table. "But they had to leave when visiting hours were over. The only reason we got to stay was because we showed them our badges.

I didn't say anything in return. This wasn't luck, this was a setback. I needed to find Matsuda. Then I remembered our conversation on the phone.

"I talked to Matsuda today, right before the crash."

"What?" Mogi asked.

"Really? Where? What did he say?" Ide questioned.

"Not much. It was over the phone. I tried to reason with him, tell him to come back, but he said he wouldn't risk our lives and…" Mogi and Ide looked at me expectantly. My mouth was dry and I tried to swallow. "He said to tell everyone goodbye," I said the words awkwardly.

"What? Why? What does he plan on doing?" The usually silent Mogi interjected. No one responded. His question was rhetorical. We all knew the answer. We knew he planned to go to that meeting. And judging by its location, both Fear and Matsuda wanted it to end right where this mess all began. All of this confusion and madness started there. Light confessed to being Kira. Matsuda lost control and shot him. And Near won his little game he was playing with our lives.

I tried to sit up, but Mogi nudged me back down gently. "Don't even think about it," he warned.

"We have to find Matsuda before that meeting," I tried.

"Mogi and I will look for him," said Ide. "Maybe the director can help too," he added. "You need to stay here and get plenty of rest. You need it."

I wanted to object, but I couldn't argue with that. I wouldn't be able to help in the condition I was in. I would sleep it off and see how I was feeling in the morning. "Yeah, you're right," I gave in. "You two should get a good night's rest too. I'll be fine here."

"You sure?" asked Mogi.

"Yeah, I think so. Trust me, I don't think I'll be going anywhere soon," I tried to smile, play down the situation. In all honesty I didn't feel too horrible. They both nodded and walked out reluctantly. I didn't think any of us would be getting a good night's sleep. But I did the best I could. I was so exhausted that when I shut my eyes, I almost fell asleep right away, except someone rushed into my room, with Mogi and Ide following behind shortly after, all slightly out of breath. I lifted my head and was about to ask what was going on, but froze when I saw who it was. I thought I was hallucinating. Maybe the concussion was worse than I thought.

"Matsuda?"

"H-Hey… Aizawa."

AN: If you haven't noticed so far, I like cliffhangers. But anyway, I hope everyone who has read my story is pleased so far with the way things are coming along. =) Please let me know what you all think!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Matsuda**

After talking with Aizawa on the phone, I knew he was on his way over. I had to pack a backpack with only absolute necessities. A couple pairs of clothes, cash, my toothbrush, comb my gun, ID, and badge. I thought it was a good idea to have my badge on me in case I needed it for anything. I called a taxi, zipped the backpack, threw it over my shoulder, and took one last look around my home before closing the door behind me.

I managed to find another motel to stay in. One that was a fair distance away from the last one, but it wasn't in any better a condition. I rented out a room and left a while after, taking my wallet but leaving everything else, and went to a nearby bar. I needed a drink. I was so tense, so scared. I didn't know what was going to happen to the team. I wondered how Fear found out about the Kira case's ending, and about me and Light.

I sat down at the counter. "What can I getcha?" the bartender asked.

"Just a beer for now please." He passed a bottle over to me. There were only a few people there, not many. It was pretty quiet. The bartender was chatting and laughing with some drunken guy on the other end of the bar and most of the others seemed to have come alone too. There was a TV up in the right corner of the room behind the counter, close to where I was seated. It was on some news station. The volume was pretty low so I could only hear parts of the story. The news' anchor woman was talking about a car accident not too far from where I lived. Car crashes weren't anything special, but the thing that caught my attention was that it involved an NPA detective.

I looked up, a sinking feeling in my stomach. There was a clip from a traffic helicopter that had gotten coverage over the scene earlier in the day when it was still light out. I thought I recognized the car, but sincerely hoped I was wrong. The small car was flipped over on its side, the drivers' side up and severely crushed in. There was broken glass and debris everywhere. I was now solely focused on the television screen. "Hey, can you turn that up?" I asked the bartender. He nodded his head and a moment later was pressing the volume button.

"…an NPA detective. Detective Aizawa, Shuichi was driving in his vehicle with his lights and sirens, when a black SUV ran a red light and smashed into the driver's side." My heart jumped up into my throat. The damage from the scene looked terrible. "A nearby camera caught everything on video, let's take a look." The screen cut to a black and white soundless video of a parking lot and the nearby street in front of it. Then Aizawa's car, with lights flashing, came into view. I knew where this was heading, but I couldn't will my head to turn away or make my eyes shut. Sure enough, a big black SUV sped through the red light perpendicular to him and rammed the side of his car with enough force that it knocked him over completely.

_Was it fatal? Please don't have been fatal!_

"Luckily the crash was not fatal, but it certainly caused quite a backup there," the woman appeared and spoke again as if directly answering my question. I breathed. My feeling of guilt grew. I knew he was coming to see me. The time stamp on the surveillance video put the incident a little while after we talked on the phone.

"Authorities say it was a hit and run," the anchor woman announced. "Last we heard, the driver of the SUV has not been found and the detective is recovering from his injuries at Shinjuku hospital. Police are cleaning up the last of the debris and glass from the street now, so it is expected that the traffic will lighten in that area. Now for Yukimura with the weather…"

I didn't hear anything after that. I almost forgot to pay as I sped out of the bar, until a very angry barkeep yelled at me. I threw the money on the counter and ran outside. I flagged down a passing taxi and hopped in. Luckily it was still early enough in the evening that there were plenty of taxis still driving around.

"Where ya' goin' kid?"

"Shinjuku hospital, as fast as you can please," I said breathlessly.

He started driving and asked, "Somethin' wrong with ya'?"

"No, not me, a friend of mine is there," I replied. "Sorry ta hear that. Hope they're okay."

"Yeah… So do I…"

**Aizawa**:

"H-Hey… Aizawa," Matsuda greeted awkwardly. I could only stare at him with an irritated look. "I just… Came to see how you were doing. I-I heard about the crash on the news and…" his sentence trailed off and he shifted his gaze between me and his feet and fidgeted uncomfortably. There was a long silence. Mogi and Ide were silent in the doorway too. Ignoring my soreness, I sat up.

Before I blew a gasket I closed my eyes. "Mogi, please shut the door." I took a deep breath. "Matsuda, you idiot!" I yelled, after hearing the door click. He jumped, but didn't look surprised by my outburst. He was expecting it. What _I _didn't expect was him showing up out of the blue at the hospital to see me of all people. "What the hell were you thinking? Do you even know what could have happened to you? Do you know we were all looking for you instead of trying to find Fear?" He worried me to death and then had the nerve to just show up a few hours later. He was lucky I was physically restrained.

"I know… I'm sorry."

"You're 'sorry?' Sorry doesn't cut it, Matsuda," I said exasperatedly.

"I know," he said again. He still hadn't looked up. I had pretty much gotten all the anger and yelling out of my system, for now.

"Matsuda, what happened?" I said in a softer, parental tone. "You really scared me today." He looked up now, and seemed genuinely surprised by my quieter volume.

"You really scared all of us," Ide said.

"What you said in your note… What you said on the phone… It's not like you," I spoke again.

"I'm sorr- I mean… I know you're mad, but… I did what I had to."

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't mad. But I'm only angry with you because you ran away and won't let anyone help you," I insisted. "And… We're glad you're okay." Matsuda was silent, not knowing what to say next, so I continued on.

"Listen, I know that what you did was because you were afraid," I said. "What's done is done. You can't change that." I softened my tone a bit more, yet kept it stern at the same time. "But you can change the future for the better," I added. A sympathetic smile made its way across my lips. He was silent for a long time, we all were.

"Matsuda, we just want to know what's been going through your mind," Mogi of all people broke the silence. "We just don't know why you are so determined to refuse our help." He sure was talkative today, but at the right times.

"Yeah, Ide agreed. "You just left and we didn't know if you were even…alive anymore. Fear could have gotten to you and we would never have known!" He sounded a little fretful.

"I know sorry isn't enough," Matsuda started. "But I just… I felt like… I felt like I had to do something."

"But we can help you," I tried again. "We can-"

"Okay, get off my back already! Please, stop trying to make me feel even worse than I already do!" He suddenly yelled. His behavior was still so erratic, even for him. "Do we really have to have the same conversation again?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I did it for you! I tried to stay away from you because the closer I am to you the more I put you all in danger," he said, turning to looking at all of us.

I was starting to get really annoyed with him. "Matsuda, I already told you on the phone that this isn't your fault!"

"And I already told you too! This _is_ my fault!" There was a short silence before he continued. "You don't get it do you? It doesn't matter if I meant for it or not, but because I lost control of my emotions in the warehouse that day, because I killed Light… It's my…" He paused for a moment. "And if all Fear wants is me, then why drag you into this too?"

"First of all," I started loudly. I was seriously mad at Matsuda now. "I don't know where the hell you got that idea from, but you didn't kill Light! That damn shinigami did remember? And second of all, when we became cops in the first place we knew that there was a chance we could die at any moment. If I wasn't willing to take that risk, would I still be a cop? Do you think I would I have gone through all that trouble of staying with the Kira investigation?"

"It's the same here, Matsuda," Mogi said from behind him.

"Me too," added Ide. Matsuda was silent another moment, thinking about something. Then he spoke.

"But you didn't sign your family up to be targets… did you?" He said it almost sinisterly. Damn him. I knew he was right.

"Damn it! Don't change the subject! I'm sending them to stay with my wife's sister. She lives in a town away from Tokyo, so they should be fine. I don't think Fear really cares about them. I think his main priority is you, Matsuda. He probably won't even go after us unless he thinks it's necessary."

"Aizawa, don't you see? I'm the cause of all this! Mogi, Ide, you and your family… You wouldn't even be in danger right now if it weren't for me! Fear put you in the hospital! It's the same as if _I_ put you in the hospital!" His eyes started to get red and watery. "You're lucky you aren't dead and I'm not going to wait around for that to happen to one of you!" He turned to look at Ide and Mogi too, then turned back to me and met my eyes. "Or until more kids lose their father."

Suddenly, at one of the worst possible times, the director stepped into the room. She stopped abruptly in the doorway with a confused look when she saw us, door and mouth agape. It was apparent she had no clue what was going on or when or how Matsuda showed up. Matsuda took the open door as a chance and rushed straight past a stunned Mogi, Ide, and pushed the director out of his way, and ran through the threshold, down the hall.

"Matsuda!" I called after him.

No one could move for the first 10 seconds, but finally the director blinked and asked, in a very agitated tone, "What the hell is going on here?"

"Impeccable timing, director," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Mogi, Ide, follow him please. Make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble."

"Yeah, we got it," Ide answered before they too pushed past the director on their way out of the room. She took a deep breath and massaged her temples.

"What the hell, Aizawa? Mind telling me what that was all about?"

I carefully lowered myself back down on my bed. "It's just what it looked like. Matsuda came back and we were talking. That's it." I was irate and my voice definitely projected it.

"Right." I knew she didn't believe me completely, but once again, I didn't care. "Anyway, I just came to see how you were doing." I raised an eyebrow to this. "I feel a little guilty for being the one to call you and your team down to the NPA in the first place. I probably could have handled it without you guys, but I guess I just… I was curious about you four." She sat down in one of the chairs.

"It's fine. You would have had to call us in anyway. We would have gotten Fear's demands one way or another."

"Fear set up the whole damn thing. That graffiti message obviously wasn't for any dentist. It was intended for Matsuda." We were quiet for a while. "Hey, I never really got a chance to ask you before…" she started cautiously. "Is it true, what Fear said? Was Matsuda really the one who killed Kira?" I didn't respond right away thinking about it.

"No," I said simply, not changing my expression.

"Then why does Fear think so?"

"Because he's just some crazy Kira follower obsessed with revenge. He doesn't know what he's talking about, he wasn't there… He doesn't know the truth." I couldn't tell her many details, but I didn't want her to go accusing us of things we didn't do.

"Do you mind me asking who did?" She asked slyly.

"Yeah. I do." I stated bluntly.

"Just thought I'd try," she said with a shrug.

"You know I can't tell you much even if I wanted to," I responded. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you the truth," I added as an afterthought. I gave a short, dry chuckle as I recalled the supernatural phenomena that I had a hard time believing myself even after we found out they actually existed. The "Gods of Death" we encountered and spoke to on a daily basis as if it were a normal occurrence, and the death notes that could kill people with the stroke of a pen, all seemed too surreal.

I was suddenly brought back to present time as the door burst open to reveal Mogi. I jumped. His hands and clothes were covered in blood that didn't appear to be his and he was soaking wet. He looked like he had just seen a ghost and was pale and panting heavily. Without giving us a chance to ask what was wrong, he spoke frantically between breaths.

"It's Matsuda! He was shot!"


	16. Chapter 16

A/N:****Imporatnt**** Contents in this chapter have been changed.

Sorry for any confusion to anyone who read the previous version of this and must now reread it. I hope it's not too much trouble. I changed it quite a lot, hopefully for the better, and I hope you like the changes. There are some pretty big changes, so… yeah… I just thought this was better, and maybe easier to follow/comprehend? Uhh, tell me what you think.

*It's only changed from the part where Matsuda is outside and meets a certain individual (don't want to spoil anything for future readers ;) ) so it's the 12th paragraph down.

**Chapter 16**

**Matsuda**

"You're lucky you aren't dead and I'm not going to wait around for that to happen to one of you!" I looked at Ide and Mogi. Then I stared back at Aizawa. "Or until more kids lose their father." Suddenly I heard someone come in the door and pivoted around to see who it was. I thought it might be a nurse coming to tell us to keep it down. So much for that.

It was Director Hashimoto. At first, I felt like Iwas going to knock her to the ground. She had the worst timing ever! I suppose it wasn't really her fault, however no one was looking at me anymore. They were all turned toward the director standing in the doorway and I seized the chance. I pushed her out of my way and bolted down the hall and Aizawa's room was on the second floor so I got into the elevator. Luckily I was alone because I'm sure I was a complete mess.

I just needed to get away from them all and walk around, clear my head after all that, so when I reached the outside of the building I turned left and started forward at a quick pace. "One foot after the other, come on Matsuda, hold yourself together," I whispered quietly to myself. I tried no to cry. I was so sick of it, all the tears shed day after day.

It had begun to drizzle, but, like the fact that a revenge consumed maniac was after me, I didn't care. I thought more about was Aizawa said. "What's done is done. You can't change that. But you can change the future for the better."

He was right. What done is done, and what I did was kill Light and endanger my friends. Screw what Aizawa said, I killed Light and they knew it too. I was trying to change the future for the better, but so far I wasn't making any progress. That's why every decision I made up until the meeting, was crucial.

_I hope that's all Fear and his men want is revenge for my 'killing Kira,'_ I thought. _Otherwise…_ I slowed to a stop.

_I'll die for nothing. _

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the footsteps trailing closely behind me. I wasn't aware of my surroundings like I should have been. I didn't notice that it was nighttime, so it was dark. I didn't notice that there were only two people on the street, including me. I didn't notice until it was too late. The person came up behind me and shoved what I instinctively knew was a gun into my back. I froze.

"Don't say a word. Keep walking casually and do exactly as I say." It was a man. A young man, I could tell. I could've swore I heard that voice somewhere before but I couldn't place it. I did what was instructed, and we went forward until he nudged me again with the gun and said menacingly, "Turn into this alley." This wasn't looking good for me, but I kept walking slowly. I kept trying to remember where I had heard that voice. We turned and kept walking down the narrow passageway until it came to a dead end at a wall. It started raining harder too. I mentally kicked myself for leaving my gun at the motel. I left myself totally defenseless.

"Now, Matsuda Touta, I know who you are and what you did." I swallowed hard. "You killed Kira. You killed our savior! You killed our god!" His voice raised with indignation each sentence he spoke. I heard him take a few steps back. I had to go about this extremely carefully.

"How… How can you possibly know all that?" I asked shakily.

"Oh, I know a lot of things. But that isn't important. What's important is that I finally got to you. It was all too easy. You really are an imbecile. I can't believe Kira was killed by the likes of you." This situation seemed to get worse and worse with each passing second. "Fear said to wait to kill you. He said to wait until the meeting, and then you're 'all his'… Idiot." Great. Looks like one of Fear's followers went even crazier and couldn't control himself. _But wait… did he just call Fear an idiot?_

I tried turning around a little at a time while I spoke, putting my hands up. "So why didn't you wait like Fear said? Why come after me now?" I had managed to turn my body halfway so far. Though the street lights were bright enough to illuminate the alley somewhat, his face was shaded too much to see, and his hood was up over his head. He was wearing a pair of black jeans, sneakers, and a black jacket. He was a couple inches shorter than I was, but about the same build. The gun appeared to be a 9mm. "Won't Fear be angry with you?"

"You think I care what he thinks? He's nothing but scum, a pawn in my game of chess. I _created _Fear. He would be nothing without me."

I turned my body the last bit so I was completely facing him. "Wait, what? What do you mean?" This wasn't making any sense. _That would mean… this guy was really the leader the whole time?! _

"It means exactly what I said. I'm the one who went to the trouble to find someone with the means to help me get to you." I just stared at him longer and he could obviously see that I still didn't completely comprehend. "Don't you get it? There was never really going to be a meeting, I wasn't going to let you live that long. But of course, I couldn't tell 'Fear' that, could I? Ha! What a joke! He isn't fit to do my laundry." Okay, this guy was even crazier than Fear was apparently. "The only reason I even contacted him, was for his resources."

"Resources?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you? His money! It's the only power he ever had! You think hiring people to join an illegal organization and do your bidding is cheap? Anyway, I let 'Fear' believe he was running the show with me being his right hand man, when really I was controlling his every decision. It seems the ones in control of power are always the most controllable, wouldn't you say? Out of all the possibilities I researched, he was the most Kira-supporting. So when I came and proposed to him that he would be the one to kill the man who defeated Kira, he was all too eager to help. What really sold him was when I told him that if he pulled this off, he'd have all of his rivals bowing down and kissing his feet." He chuckled.

This guy… was scary. Now that I knew that the man standing in front of me was the one pulling the strings the whole time terrified me. This man was just that: a man. He could have been capable of so much good, and yet, here he was, standing in a dark alley at night, giving a monologue while holding a gun to another man's head. Why? Why is it that the smartest people always seem to turn evil (or are just plain crazy)? I guess the only up-side to evil geniuses is that they like to talk about how smart they are for a really long time.

"I've waited long enough to see the look on your face when I kill you myself. Besides, Fear planned on doing it slowly and painfully, so I'm really doing you a favor by killing you quickly. In fact, you should thank me," he said, and gave a short laugh.

"Were you… Are you responsible for Aizawa's car accident too?" I knew it was him by now, but in reality I was only stalling a little longer until I thought of anything I could do.

"It wasn't exactly an 'accident,'" he said with a Cheshire cat grin. "I had to draw you out into the open somehow."

"Who are you?"

"What, you don't remember me?"

"Tell me your name. And why did you go through all this trouble just to kill me?" Suddenly from the street I could hear someone calling something out. They hadn't reached the alley's opening yet and the rain drowned out what they were saying, but it was enough for him to turn his head around a moment. A moment was good enough.

I took a chance and lunged forward. I managed to push his arms along with the gun up out of the way, just as he fired off a round. It hurt my ear from being so close. I felt the bullet whiz by my head and it ricocheted off the wall behind me. My adrenaline was pumping, and I'm sure his was too. We struggled with each other, going back and forth, trying to gain control of the gun. The glinting metal hung only a few inches above my face.

Now that I was closer I could tell he wore a pair of square glasses too. Though he was slightly shorter and a relatively skinny kid, I hadn't had anything to eat in at least 24 hours and I wasn't exactly caught up on my sleep. I was using all my strength just to hold his arms.

Then, past him, I noticed at the mouth of the alley two silhouettes come running in. They yelled something I couldn't make out. I was about to yell to them to run away. I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me. But that tiny distraction led to my losing the battle. The kid pulled one of his hands loose and gave a swift punch to my cheek, which threw me back a few feet. While I was stumbling, it was enough for him to quickly regain a grip on the gun, level it, and pull the trigger.

I felt a sharp pain as the bullet punctured my left shoulder. I immediately fell on my back on the wet ground, shutting my eyes and gritting my teeth as I gripped the wound. I heard someone yell, "NPA! Drop your weapon!" A short pause, then, "Don't do it!" One last gunshot rang out and there was a thud against the concrete. Another person called my name. "Matsuda!" I could hear footsteps, and a moment later they were next to me. "Matsuda!" By now I was beginning to lose consciousness, the throbbing burning feeling the only thing keeping me awake. I managed to open my eyes a little, but the rain forced them closed again.

"Mogi… Ide..."

"Matsuda, save your strength," Mogi told me. He put both of his hands over the bloody gunshot wound, applying a lot of pressure. "Gah!" I choked out a moan but let my hand fall away. Ide was on the phone, trying to get an ambulance I guess.

"M-Mogi… He...Fear…" I tried to get something across to them, but it was no use.

"Hey, don't try to talk, okay. You're going to be fine, Matsuda, just fine."

Everything was going fuzzy and I could hardly understand what was going on anymore. I was going into shock. I had never actually been shot before and it hurt much worse that what I thought it would. I started slipping into unconsciousness. I vaguely noticed Ide and Mogi calling my name, trying to tell me to stay awake, but I was so tired. Everything faded away. It was like falling asleep.

**Mogi:**

"It's Matsuda! He was shot!" I yelled to Aizawa and the director.

"What?! When?!" Aizawa questioned. He was utterly confused as was the director.

"Just a little while ago, after Ide and I went after him."

"By who? Is he okay? Where is he now?" He asked frantically.

"He was shot in his shoulder by some lunatic! He's in surgery right now," I replied. I tried to keep my voice steady, but it still quavered. Contrary to popular belief, I wasn't as tough as I looked, and I certainly didn't have nerves of steel. I had just witnessed a friend of mine get shot and someone commit suicide. Of course I was panicking, but at least I was still functional.

"What exactly happened?"

"Ide and I went after him, but when we got outside, we didn't know where he went, and after a while of calling out his name and looking for him, we heard a gunshot coming from down the street. It came from an alley. We saw Matsuda and some guy fighting, but it was too dark to get a clear shot. Then…" I swallowed. "The bastard shot him," I said in a low, hate-filled voice. "After that, the guy shot himself in the head. Guess he didn't want to be taken in alive."

Aizawa was trying his hardest to get out of the hospital bed, ripping out the IV drip and various other wires he was attached to. The heart monitor flat lined and made that sickeningly long beep I hated hearing. "And where the hell do you think you're going?" the director asked in that don't-even-think-about-it tone.

"I'm going to go see Matsuda and find out more about what happened and why," he answered tersely.

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that? Matsuda's in surgery and the guy who shot him is dead," she retorted.

"Well… do you at least have an ID on the guy?" Aizawa asked, still stiffly trying to get off of the bed.

"No, he only had a key and a little money on him. By the size of the key, it looks like it could be for a door or a car… Aizawa, you should really stay here. I know you want to help but there just isn't anything you can do right now. There really isn't anything any of us can do now, except wait. Ide's in the lobby, so if anything happens the doctors will let him know. I need to clean up and you need to recover. Police and investigators are at the scene." I felt like I had been talking more in the past few days than I think I have for the past few months.

Suddenly a nurse came in, asking if everything was okay. The heart monitor stopping had alerted them that something was wrong. The first thing she saw, of course, was me covered in blood, but I explained to her that it wasn't mine and I was okay. However, seeing that Aizawa had only pulled the wires off of himself, she looked pissed. She chided him about false alarms and such and tried to get him to put it back on.

Aizawa accepted defeat for now, getting back in the bed, but I knew he would give us all hell about this guy once he could get out of it. Especially Matsuda.

If he lived.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Yeah… I guess trying not to be so long until the next update didn't work out so well… Half a year is a pretty long time… -_- My bad. Oh, and I also have no idea on what laws Japan has, like ones that have to do with search warrants and things so… if anything's wrong with anything like that, that's why, haha. ;)

Also, Abe is pronounced like 'aw-bay' I think.

****IMPORTANT!**** To anyone who has already read up to this point on/before 6/27/2013: I changed things in chapter 16! Sorry for any inconvenience of having to go back and read it, but I just thought it was better to change it... The change starts from the part where Matsu is in the alley with Abe.

**Chapter 17:**

**Mogi**

"What?! What the hell do you mean you're backed up?! The crime rate is still as low as ever!" The director shouted into her cell phone. It was the morning after Matsuda was shot. No one had slept a wink. "No! No, absolutely not! Two days is too long to wait, we need that approval now... I don't care that you're 'under-staffed,'" she made air quotes with her fingers. "What could you paper-pushers possibly have to do that is more important than this right now?!" She could be a very hostile woman when she wanted to be. "Do you even know how many lives are at stake?! We need that approval!" I could hear some indecipherable yelling on the other end of the phone and then a faint click and a tone shortly after. "Hello? He-?! Ugh! He hung up on me!" She sighed loudly. "Ugh. Sometimes, I really hate people…" she muttered.

"I'm guessing that was a no on the search warrant then?" asked Ide.

"He said it would take at least two days. We don't have that kind of time, we need to search Abe's apartment now. There could be something that might tell us about Fear or what he's planning."

We had found out Matsuda's shooter's name and address. It was Hisoka Abe. He was only 22 years old. It was easy to find, since he had worked at the NPA. We recognized his face when we went back to the scene and saw the body. He was the kid that had dropped all of his papers at the NPA headquarters when that paintball hit Matsuda. The director said he was some sort of computer analyst.

"Well, who says we need an approval from that coward? He probably just doesn't wasn't to give you one because he's afraid of Kira," Aizawa chimed in from his hospital bed, sounding annoyed.

"So what are you suggesting?" That we just disregard the law as NPA agents and break into this nut job's apartment? I am still the director of the agency, you know."

"Then you don't have to come," he replied. "But I, on the other hand, am not going to sit here and wait for two, time wasting days to go by before being able to see if there's even anything useful in there! For all we know, there could be nothing. But I don't want to sit around and see what Fear does next."

The director was tense and thinking seriously about what Aizawa had said. She seemed a bit conflicted between being the director and breaking a law but possibly saving lives. "Fine," she finally answered. "But if we're doing this, I'm making sure it's done right. I'm going."

"Fine."

"Aizawa, you know you have to stay here and take it easy with your injuries." He opened his mouth as if to speak, but changed his mind. "One of you will have to stay here as well, to keep an eye on Aizawa and Matsuda." She looked at Ide and me expectantly.

I actually spoke up first. "I would like to go with you, director Hashimoto, if you don't mind, Ide."

"Go ahead," he replied.

"Alright then, Ide, keep us posted if anything changes with Matsuda," the director said. She turned to me. "Let's go then." I nodded and we left.

xOxOxOx

It was a decent sized apartment, not too far away from the hospital. "Well, let's see if this key works." The director put the key in the hole and turned it. It was the key Abe had had in his pocket. We entered without any problems. The problem was when we turned the light on. An eerie chill ran up my spine.

Every inch of space was covered with pictures, news clippings, articles, post-it notes, and other information and papers about anything and everything having to do with Kira and the Kira investigation and especially Matsuda. There were even things hanging from the ceiling. I saw quite a few pictures of myself too. "Well… it looks like this is going to take a little longer than I thought," the director commented.

"Then I guess we'd better get started." I went over to the cluttered bulletin board first, ducking past all the pictures hanging from red clotheslines of string. "Why would Abe be doing all of this research? Was this all for Fear, or was he doing all of this independently?"

"Either way, it's definitely creepy…" she said as she studied a recent picture of herself that was up on one of the lines.

"Yeah…" I went back to examining the board, and when I didn't see anything of major importance on it, I moved on to the desk below it. That's when I saw it: A single picture, different from all the rest, in a nice frame on the corner of his desk. "Director. Please take a look at this," I told her. My tone of voice giving away that something wasn't right. She picked up the picture frame and gave the same surprised look I did.

"Isn't that…?" she started to ask.

"Yes. It is," I answered. It was a picture of Mikami, posing for the picture with his arm over the beaming Abe's shoulder lovingly and a small smile on his face. "Mikami. There's no way that could be a coincidence." The director then proceeded to take the picture out of the frame and turn it over.

"Yep, there's writing on the back," she looked at me before reading it. She gave another surprised look. "Looks like you were right. It wasn't a coincidence."

"What is it?"

"Mikami was his uncle," she said as she held up to me the back of the picture to read for myself. It read: To my dearest nephew, Hisoka. I know you will make me proud in your future endeavors. Sincerely, your Uncle Mikami. Summer, 2011.

"That explains their resemblance," I said as a side note as I flipped the photo back over. "He must have found out how his uncle died, and that's why he went through all this trouble."

"I read in the file about Mikami's death. Abe must have been a Kira worshipper like Mikami, so when he found out about that day and the way his uncle sacrificed himself for Kira, and about Matsuda, he must have lost it."

"Seems most likely at this point."

"Hey, Mogi?"

"Hmm?"

"Aizawa told me that Matsuda wasn't the one who killed Kira. Is that true? And if not, who did?" she questioned suddenly.

"To be honest, none of us technically did," I replied cautiously. I figured that an answer that vague probably wouldn't hurt to mention, especially since Aizawa already had.

"Really? Who did? What happened? And if none of you did, why say it was Matsuda?"

"Sorry. Even if I could tell you, I don't want to talk about it." I looked away from her.

She let out a short sigh. "It's alright, I understand. I'm just so curious about what happened. That out of the rest of the world, you four got to know L and work alongside him and be the only ones to kill the world's worst serial murderer in history." She was like a child meeting her role model. But I didn't feel like I should be looked up to for sticking around a couple of sociopaths for years, both just playing some sick and twisted game of cat and mouse, or maybe more accurate would be a game of cops and robber.

"Well, it wasn't as great as it seems. Most of the time we were just chasing our tails."

"Yeah, but it's just… The experiences you must have gained as an investigator! Not to mention the satisfaction of watching that bastard die."

I looked down, remembering all the times that didn't seem worth it, all the lives lost, all the people hurt. "Well, at any rate, I'm glad you're on our side. Most people hate our guts right now because of it."

"You bet I'm on your side. Kira… killed my brother," she said after a moment.

I looked up at her quickly, yet, not as surprised as I thought I would be. Kira killed anyone and everyone that either committed a crime or got in his way. "I'm sorry. Do you mind if I ask why?"

"It's okay. He was in prison for murder, but he didn't do it. He was falsely imprisoned and I spent two years trying to find more evidence to prove he didn't commit the murder. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. But right when I thought I had something, Kira got to him."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"It's okay." She looked up at me, and though I could see the sadness in her eyes, she gave a small smile. I returned a similar one and looked back on the desk. There was a journal sitting on top. It looked important, so I picked it up and opened it to the first page. At the top, it read:

_ This journal is going to document my revenge on the man who killed my uncle and my God._

I gasped, and flipped through the pages and skimmed a few words on each. "Director! This journal…"

"What is it?"

"Abe kept a journal of everything that happened up until the night he died." I read the date on the last page. "He might have kept information about Fear in here too," I said hopefully.

"Good! It looks like a lot to read though. We'd better get started and sort through this mess," she said cheerfully, as If we were literally just going to clean. "I just hope it's not faked."

"Faked?"

"This could all be some trick to lead us in circles," she explained. "You never know, it could be." I nodded, hoping the same thing, but I had a gut feeling that this would be useful. We started to read the first page.

_ This journal is going to document my revenge on the man who killed my uncle and my God._

_ I am going to document it because, when it's over, I want everyone to know what a horrible person he truly was, and that I was the one to kill him._

_Journal Entry 1,_

_ Kira is God, and He is all that is good in this rotten world, and He will be the one to cleanse it. My uncle, Mikami Teru, taught me this. He was lucky enough to have been chosen by Kira as one of His most trusted followers to aid Him in His quest. Sadly, both Kira and my dear uncle were slaughtered not long ago by fools that did not appreciate what they were trying to accomplish. So I will assist my uncle, just as he was able to assist God Kira, and in so doing, I may be of use to God Kira myself, for He is all that is good in this rotten world. And it is time to clean up our mess._

"Wow… He was really…" The director started.

"Crazy," I finished. "They all are."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Matsuda**

I was in a cemetery. It was on the outskirts of the city. It was a sunny day. In fact, it seemed too sunny for the occasion, though it was sunset, and the entire sky was lit with a warm yellow and orange glow. I was attending a funeral, but it wasn't just anyone's funeral; it was Light's. The boy that was dead because of me. Not many people knew the truth, or would ever know.

I looked around to see who was there to say their final goodbyes to the young genius. Of course, Aizawa, Mogi and Ide were there to pay their respects, as well as various others who knew Light.

When I saw two particular women, I felt guilt consume me, more than it already was. Sachiko and Sayu Yagami. Sachiko appeared older and thinner. She was crying and holding Sayu. Sayu… She also looked thinner, and more fragile than ever. She had only recently come out of her vegetative state after the trauma of being kidnapped and held hostage, though she was still in a wheelchair, and then the added grief of losing her father. Now she would have to bear losing her older brother too, and Sachiko would have to bear losing her only son. Their lives were only made more difficult, and it was my fault.

I looked down and shut my eyes as tight as they would go, trying my hardest no to break down and confess everything. I wanted so desperately to tell them, to let them know what happened to their son, and yet that would mean telling them that he was a murderer. Suddenly, someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked up at them, expecting to see one of the team giving me a comforting or sad look. But when I saw the man's face, I thought for sure I was going to die right then and there.

"Chief?" Now I knew I finally went off the deep end. Any other time I would have been overjoyed to see him, even if it meant I was crazy. However, the scowl and disappointment on his face said he was not happy to see me at all. I would be stupid to think he would have any decent feelings towards me after everything I had done.

"Matsuda!" He bellowed. His voice seemed to echo in all directions, though we were outside. I simply cowered. "Matsuda, how could you?! You took away my only son! He's dead because of you!" I looked around. I didn't want Sayu or Sachiko to hear, but everyone had vanished, and it was getting darker out.

"Chief, I… I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"But you did!" He cut me off. Then suddenly, all the scenery around us melted away and there was just blackness. "You could have prevented my death as well, couldn't you?!" His eyes shown red, like a demon's, with the Shinigami eyes he had traded half of his life for.

"I know, but..."

"But what?! And now you've gone and put everyone else in danger because you killed Light! This is your fault, Matsuda!" he boomed.

"N-no! Chief! I…" I whimpered. I couldn't say anything else. I knew he was right.

Then the chief spoke again. It was a resounding, "I can never forgive you, Matsuda!" Then suddenly, to add to my torment, Fear stepped out of nowhere from the darkness behind the chief.

"I'm doing all of this because of you, you know," he reminded me quite buoyantly.

Aizawa appeared too, bandaged all over and beat up-looking. "Matsuda, you put me in the hospital. I could have died." He sounded more hurt than angry, which only made me feel worse. Then Mogi came, then Ide too. They were encircled around me, calling my name at different times, like tormented lost souls.

Then, as suddenly as they all came, they disappeared, and an image of Light slowly came into view. He still had such an innocent boyish face and eyes. "Light!" I called out.

"Matsuda… Matsuda! Please! Please, don't do it!" He pleaded, looking scared out of his mind.

"Don't do what?" I asked in horror.

"Please, don't shoot me!" I blinked and Light was on the ground, trying to crawl backwards away from me. I was standing over him with my revolver. The same one I almost killed him with the last time. He was just looking up at me with his big brown eyes, afraid of me. I was desperately trying not to shoot. I tried to pry open my fingers with my other hand and drop the gun, but it was no use. My hand had a mind of its own. One second later, my trigger finger squeezed and I jumped as the bang of the gun sounded. I slowly looked down at Light. Right in the center of his forehead was a hole, blood and brain matter splattered out in all directions on the floor. His eyes were still open, unseeing, yet no longer containing boyish charm; they were void of anything now.

I started shaking violently and felt more terror well up inside of me. I felt nauseous and dizzy and I was panting heavily. I spun around and began sprinting in the opposite direction, tossing the gun. But I couldn't get away. I was just running and running and not going anywhere. I couldn't get away from Light, or Fear, or the Chief, or Aizawa, or anyone.

Finally, I just gave up. I fell to my knees, exhausted from running away from something that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape. But it wasn't over. The ground morphed to a wooden floor. I looked up and found that I was now at a funeral home. There was an ongoing viewing, but no one was attending. Didn't anyone care for this person? I slowly stood up and walked down the aisle, passed all the empty rows of seats, never taking my eyes off the casket. When I reached the plain black shiny coffin, I peeked in over the edge to its mauve plush insides and peered down at the deceased. I gave a small gasp looking down at the familiar, yet pale and clammy-looking, skin and features.

"It… It's me… It's my funeral. I'm dead?" I looked down. "No one came. No one would. I'd be stupid to think anyone cared." Tears started to flow down my cheeks. "No one should, I don't deserve it." I sniffed and buried my face with my hands. "I don't deserve to live."

xOxOxOx

"Matsuda," I heard someone call out faintly. I didn't want to look up again. I didn't want to see any more of the hatred or death I had caused. "Matsuda?" they said again. This time, I recognized it as Aizawa. "Hey, Matsuda, wake up." He was shaking me.

I opened my eyes, and immediately shut them again from the bright lights overhead. "Matsuda, you awake?" I heard Aizawa ask from his spot sitting next to me. I quickly wiped away the tears I had in my eyes, and squinted against the light. I looked around and saw an IV drip and a bunch of tubes attached to me in a white room, and I could hear the steady beeping of a heart monitor. "Good. At least you're awake now," he said, sounding relieved. "You looked like you were having a nightmare. You kept mumbling things and your eyes were watery. Are… you okay?"

"Yeah," I managed, voice cracking slightly.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" he asked awkwardly.

"No. I'm fine. It was only a dream." I wished. "I don't remember what it was about anyway," I lied. I looked over at Aizawa slowly. I was in the hospital, I knew at least that. Then I started having flashbacks of that kid and his gun, and fighting, and the two figures, and then... I was shot. There was just cold and dark after that. I thought I might have been dead, and that nightmare was my hell. I guess it wasn't my time yet. "Um, is there any water around?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied, standing up carefully. I could see he was still hurt. "I'll be right back." He left the room and within a few minutes, he had returned, holding in his hand a plastic cup filled with the clear liquid. "Here." I took the water and greedily gulped it all down, and then placed the empty container on the bedside table.

My thirst quenched, I decided to ask, "How long was I out?" My voice was hoarse, so I cleared my throat as I waited what seemed like minutes, for Aizawa to respond.

"About a day and a half."

"What?!" I panicked and tried to sit up too quickly. I shouldn't have done that. I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth as pain rippled from my shoulder and down my arm. I grabbed the wound gingerly with my other hand. "What time is it?" I asked when the pain subsided.

"About eleven thirty in the morning," he replied cautiously. I knew he was testing my reaction, seeing as how I had just outburst a moment before. Any other time, I wouldn't have given almost two days a second thought, what with surgery and not having slept well before. But we were crunched on time. Damn it! Hell, I would've woken up by myself if I could! Then again… it doesn't matter as long as I make it on time…

"R-really?"

"Yeah. The doctors said it was really close to hitting a major artery." I looked over to him. "Actually, they said the bullet barely nicked it and you lost a lot of blood," he corrected himself. "You were lucky you were just down the street from the hospital, not to mention Mogi and Ide being right there when it happened." There was a moment of silence as I studied Aizawa's features. He looked as if he hadn't slept for those two days I was out. That plus the stress of this whole ordeal made him appear significantly older.

"Hey, shouldn't you be in your own room resting?" I inquired.

"I'm fine," he said. Exactly what I knew he would say. "I didn't want to be in there alone, and besides, we have to keep an eye on you."

"Why? Do you think someone might come and attack me again?"

"Well… There's that, and it's also to make sure you don't try to run away again."

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I don't think I'll be able to get very far like this," I said, lifting up my arms slightly to point out the bandages and various wires and tubes coming out of me.

"I don't know," he said skeptically. "When you set your mind to something, you usually find some way to do it." He was just looking at me. I didn't know what to say, but took notice of what he said. Remembering back, I realized he was right. Somehow, I always managed to evade them, or do something because I felt that I had to, even if it was by some freak coincidence or something.

Then I remembered back to right before I ran outside after my little temper tantrum I threw. I really felt like the hugest jerk in the world. All they wanted to do was help me. They must seriously be sick and tired of me by now, if they weren't already before that. I felt the urge to apologize.

"Ai…" I swallowed. "Aizawa?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He looked not only confused, but there was also a hint of anger on his face. "Matsuda, you didn't do anything. You don't have to apologize. None of this is your fault. That kid was just as much of a nutcase as Fear, except he had his own plans to break away from Fear and come to attack you on his own."

"He didn't break away from Fear."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean he was the one calling the shots the whole time. Or, at least, that's what he told me."

He furrowed his brow. "Are you serious? So… What are you saying? Was Fear just a spokesman? Does that mean there's not a meeting? Or are Fear's men still going to come after you?"

"I don't know. He told me that he let Fear think he was in charge because he was just using him for his resources to get to me, but I don't think Fear realized it. He was supposedly Fear's right hand and manipulated his every move. Whether or not any of what he said is true, Fear is still a viable threat. He's still alive and he still wants me dead. This other guy just wanted to kill me before Fear did, but I don't know why. He said… He said I should 'remember' him, but I can't seem to."

"Actually, he's right. We know who he is."

"You do? Who was he? What happened to him after he shot me?" I was eager to find out who my would-be killer was and put a name to a very shadowed face.

"You don't remember, do you?" Aizawa asked. I shook my head.

"Well, Mogi and Ide said that after he… shot you... He shot himself in the head." I grimaced. I bet he probably never planned to be taken in alive. "But that's not the end of it. It gets weirder." I tilted my head. "Remember the day we first got Fear's demands and you got shot with that paintball?"

"Yeah."

"Well do you recall that dorky kid with glasses that came in and dropped all his papers when he thought you were actually shot?"

I started putting two and two together, connecting the dots. I finally knew where I had heard his voice from, and why his square glasses stood out to me. "Wait! That was him?!"

"Yup."

"What in the world?! He was just a kid! Why would he be involved with someone like Fear?"

"The director and Mogi did a more thorough background check and searched his apartment and, well, you won't believe this."

"What?"

"Turns out, Mikami was his uncle," he stated.

"W…What?" I was utterly confused and suddenly felt sorry for him.

"Yeah. His name was Hisoka Abe. Apparently he and Mikami were close, and when Mikami killed himself for Kira that day in the warehouse, he found out pretty much right away."

"How?" I asked.

"Being a computer analyst he was good with that sort of stuff, and he knew something wasn't right about his uncle's death, so he hacked into our database and found the file from that day. Luckily, Near had his SPK team put in some sort of seriously advanced security that alerted them that someone was trying to hack in so they could stop them before they could find anything. God, I don't even know why they would keep a file like that in the first place, granted most of it is blacked out. It was the doctored one, without all the supernatural stuff, but anyway, I guess it worked, and the only information he was able to get was about you and Light. There's no evidence to suggest he knew about the Shinigami or death notes. We also think he somehow found Fear, or that Fear found him, and knew what he was up to.

I shuddered. "He killed himself…because of me. He blamed me for his uncle's death." It was true. Mikami only sacrificed himself to cause a distraction after I shot Light. I never thought about it much before. I figured Mikami was just crazy, and yeah I knew he killed himself for Light, but I never really thought about what he would have done if I never shot Light in the first place.

"Matsuda, no, not this again. This isn't your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself."

"Why?!" I started getting angry again. Not with him, but with myself. "Why shouldn't I? It's all true isn't it?!" My elevated temper caused the heart monitor to increase in speed.

Aizawa took notice and tried to stop me from quite possibly exploding. "Matsuda, please, just calm down." I realized what I was doing. I didn't want to fight with anyone anymore. I didn't want to take my frustration out on the others. "Aizawa, I… I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to… I'm sorry!" I was acting more like a child than usual, and I hated it. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them, hiding my face.

"It's alright, but please, try to stay calm. You need to watch yourself with a wound like that," he told me as if I hadn't just snapped at him. I wanted to be calm, but how could I knowing that everything was going wrong because of me. I looked back up at him.

Aizawa put one hand on his hip and the other cupped his jaw. He looked as though he were having some sort of inner debate with himself. Once again, I found myself wishing to be more like him, staying calm and focused under pressure with a clear head. Then he perked up, obviously thinking of something. "You said something about Abe using Fear for his recourses? What did that mean exactly?"

"Yeah, he said he used Fear's money to hire people into their organization and to get to me. I guess that means there's a lot more of his men."

"Does that mean Fear is wealthy?" he inquired.

I thought for a moment, trying to remember what Abe had said to me. "Wait a minute. I think you're right. He said that money was 'the only power Fear ever had.'"

"Well, that may be something. I don't know how wealthy that means he is, but to hire an organization's worth of people, assuming he was telling the truth, he'd have to be pretty loaded if you ask me," Aizawa reasoned.

"That makes sense," I agreed. "I also have a feeling that he meant whoever Fear is had some sort of power before or maybe he still does. I don't know if that means anything or if he just meant power over the organization?"

"No, you may be right. Think about it. Some of the richest people who can go mad with power are top business associates. That's definitely a place to start."

"Sounds good to me."

"I'll let the others know our theory right away. Good work, Matsuda," he complimented me. That's the first thing I felt like I had done right in I don't know how long.

"Thanks. Have the others already read that journal you were talking about, the one that Abe kept?"

"We're still going through it. When I said he was documenting everything, I meant _everything_. That thing is huge, and it seems so far like it's filled with just nonsense about Kira and his beliefs, and times and dates with detailed notes about you when he was stalking you."

"Ugh…" I closed my eyes and shuddered just thinking about it. "Please, don't remind about that weirdo watching me. Blegh, it gives me the creeps!" My reaction caused Aizawa and me to blurt out a chuckle, and suddenly, the room was filled with the sounds of our long overdue laughter. To my surprise, I wasn't faking it. We were almost in hysterics with genuine delight, our eyes watering, and our sides hurting. Soon, the room quieted, save for the sound of us catching our breaths.

"We both needed that," Aizawa said.

I flashed him another genuine smile. "Yeah. We did."

Aizawa let out a satisfied-but-there's-more-to-be-done sigh and said, "I guess you'll just have to try to get some rest and we'll figure out how we're going to conduct the rest of the investigation."

"Well, it'll be kind of hard for me to get any kind of rest with all these things attached to me," I said, implying the different tubes and wires hanging off of me. I felt like I was some kind of science experiment.

"You're right," he agreed. "I felt the same way. We'll have to get you a different room. Or at least get you de-wired."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: What? Another decent sized chapter already? I must be on a roll! xP Anyway, please enjoy and remember to give a reply if you do. :)

**Chapter 19**

**Matsuda**

It took a while, but I was finally, and painfully, in my new room, down the hall from Aizawa's. It took a bit of help and moving slow due to my lack of energy from not eating and losing a lot of blood, but we made it. From then on, there was always someone in my room watching me, switching out every couple of hours. I felt like a prisoner.

Ide was first. He was silent for a while and I could tell he was feeling awkward and didn't know what to say, but he gradually started to make small talk here and there. So I ate a bit of hospital food (just the jell-o) and eventually fell asleep. Even after almost two days of sleeping, I was still tired. When I woke up again, Mogi was there. The big lug just remained silent for most of the time, but that's just how Mogi is, which was fine by me, because I really didn't feel like small talking any more. Though I asked if maybe he and Ide could go the motel I had stayed at and retrieve my things, assuming they were still there at all. He told me they would go as soon as his shift ended and I gave him the address. Later, I watched as he left the room saying, "Hang on, let me just get your next babysitter," in a joking manner. I was surprised to find that Director Hashimoto was next.

"Director?" I blinked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"My job at the moment," she replied, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Aizawa's resting in his own room, so I'm filling in." She sat down daintily in one of the two chairs that were next to the door and crossed her long legs.

"Oh," I said simply, looking the other way, out the window. The rain had let up a bit earlier, but it had started to rain a little harder again, though not enough to be considered a heavy downpour.

"Hey, Director," I called her attention.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever noticed that in movies, it's always rainy out when something bad happens, like it is now?" I inquired.

xOx0xOx

**Director Hashimoto**

"Have you ever noticed that in movies, it's always rainy out when something bad happens, like it is now?" Matsuda suddenly asked me.

"I suppose," I responded cautiously. "Why? Do you think something bad is going to happen tonight?" He shrugged his shoulders, still looking the other direction with his head back against his pillows. "Well, I assure you, we are doing everything we can to find and apprehend Fear." I watched him to see his reaction, but he didn't seem to react at all. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one. He just sat there and continued to peer out into the stormy grey skies. I looked too. It was getting late, around seven, so the clouds were turning darker and blacker with the disappearing sun. _Eerie_, I thought to myself.

"Hey… Matsuda," I started. "I… I'm sorry for starting all of this back up again. I really thought this would just be an average run-of-the-mill case, and look where that ended us up. You and Aizawa are in the hospital and one guy's dead, not to mention Fear is still out there somewhere." I tried not to let my voice quaver with the worry I was feeling. I wanted to keep up appearances as a strong leader.

Still staring out the window, he said, "There's nothing for you to apologize for. This isn't your fault, Director. If anything, it's mine."

"Still… I am sorry."

"It would have happened one way or another." There was a silence before he continued. "I just hope no one else get hurt… because of me." He sounded very sincere.

"Hm."

"What?" He questioned, finally turning his head to look at me, with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing. It's just... Aizawa said the same thing to me a few days ago," I told him.

"Really?" His eyebrow was still raised.

"Yeah. He said it would've happened one way or another," I repeated him, "and he blamed himself too. He thought it was partially his fault that you ran out and why you don't want help from the team." Matsuda's features quickly twisted into a sad and puzzled expression.

"Did he really say that?"

"Well, he didn't exactly blame himself aloud, but I could see it on his face. He blames himself. That's why he keeps getting so angry when you do these things. He thinks you're doing it because of him," I explained as gently as I could manage.

"Why? I told him it wasn't his fault. I'm the one to blame, not him. He's not my dad and he doesn't have responsibility for what I do." He stared up at the ceiling for a long time. Finally, I broke the silence.

"Aizawa… He thinks the world of you, you know, though he may have difficulty expressing it. You, Ide, Mogi… You're like part of his family. I know I haven't known you all for very long, but you have a bond strong enough that even I can see."

He was silent after that, obviously thinking about what I had just told him. After a few minutes, I noticed his head start to bob with oncoming sleep. _He must be tired_, I thought. _This has been such an emotionally draining time. _As if reading my mind, he gave a long yawn and over the course of a few minutes, I could see his breathing become deeper and slower.

The next hours passed by slowly. I mostly just wound up reading some case files, looking over Abe's journal notes we had previously read, just to make sure, and watching Matsuda's chest rise and fall with each breath he took. At last, my time was up, and Matsuda was still sleeping like a log. As quietly as I could, I left the room to get Aizawa for his shift. Even though he was asleep and still injured, he insisted I wake him when it was his turn, babbling on about how it was his responsibility too, and he needed to help the team, and he was fine, and blah, blah, blah. If I decided not to wake him, I would never hear the end of it.

_He seriously has some dedication to his team members though. It's times like these I wonder why I'm the director and he isn't. At the very least he should have been made chief, _I said to myself. _Maybe it's just too early for him still,_ I pondered, remembering back to what I had read about their previous chief and his untimely demise.

By then, I had reached Aizawa's room. It was only a couple rooms down the hall from Matsuda's, in the event anything should happen. I quietly opened the door to a sleeping Aizawa. _Good. At least he was finally getting some rest. He needed it,_ I thought, as I gently closed the door behind me. His covers were draped only up to his stomach, leaving his bare chest and arms exposed. It was then that I could see the full extent of the injuries on his body.

His entire torso was splotched with bruises, and some places on his ribcage looked slightly deformed in a way, likely where he had cracked ribs. He shifted in his sleep and I realized I had been staring longer that I intended. Even though he was sleeping and couldn't see me, I still felt my cheeks warm with blush.

I walked over to his bedside and placed a hand gingerly on his shoulder and called his name to wake him. He woke with a start and almost sat up too fast for his wounded body. "Whoa, whoa," I said. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you like that. I just came to wake you for your shift to watch Matsuda, like you asked."

He took a deep breath. "Yeah, thanks," he replied as he tried to sit up at a slower pace. "Sorry, didn't mean to be jumpy like that," he said as he ran a hand through his hair. "It's just these last few days have kept me on my toes."

"You don't need to apologize. I know it's been stressful." I had a hint of an understanding laugh in my voice. Then my tone became deadly serious. "I'll stay with you and your team every step of the way until we see this case to the end and Matsuda is safe."

"Thank you, Director Hashimoto," he said with an almost-smile.

"You're welcome," I said.

xOx0xOx

**Ide**

"Hey, Mogi, want to go get some more coffee?" I asked. It was about 9 pm and we were still at a lobby table, reading through Abe's journal and some of his other notes trying to find out anything we could about Fear.

"Yeah, sure," he replied after a minute, eyes still glued to the page he was busy reading. I stood up to stretch and walked over to the doorway entrance to lean against the wall. It would have been at least our sixth cup by then.

"Maybe we should take a break and bring some coffee up to the director too," I suggested. She might have been like an outsider to us, but she was starting to grow on me. After all, it wasn't like she had crossed any lines she shouldn't have, or stepped on anybody's' toes. She seemed perfectly fine and willing to do what it took to help us, and we needed all the help we could get. Though I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. In fact, I learned from Light that I could read a whole book and still be completely surprised by the last chapter.

"Sure," Mogi said. "A break right about now sounds good to me." He yawned and rubbed his face with his hands. We had been working hard to find anything that could help Matsuda and none of us had gotten much sleep. Coffee and will power were the only things keeping us going.

We had gotten our cups of bitter caffeine, Mogi holding a cup in each hand, and took the elevator to the second floor where both Matsuda's and Aizawa's rooms were. Before reaching their rooms, however, there were two corners to turn. One left, then one right. We rounded the first corner, and I thought I could hear hurried footsteps coming from around the next one. _Probably just a nurse, or a janitor, _I thought. Visiting hours were over, so who else could it be? We were able to stay as police protective detail on Matsuda, but no one else was allowed after hours.

I waited to see a familiar uniformed figure emerge from around the bend, but to my surprise, it was some hooded guy with his head down so no one could see his face. I grew instantly suspicious, and as he passed us I slowed to try to get a better look at him, but that only made him lower his head away from us even more.

"Hey!" I tried to call to him to get his attention so he would stop. He kept walking, slightly faster. "Hey, you!" I called again, starting to walk in his direction. Mogi understood my intentions and was right behind me. However, the man broke into a run as I started to get closer. "Hey! Wait! Police! Stop!" I yelled as Mogi and I began to chase after him, both of us dropping our coffees.

He was faster than us as he sped down the corridor. He sprinted nearer the corner, and I was worried we might lose him if he reached the stairs. Suddenly, he was rammed down to the ground. He was dazed for a moment and grabbed his shoulder, but as he tried to stand to run away again we had caught up to him and saw that he had collided with a nurse. Mogi had grabbed his arms and pulled them behind his back to cuff him and he hissed in pain. I had drawn my gun by then. "Police. Don't move," I said, pointing the gun at him. He froze. The nurse had regained her senses and in seeing the gun, had scampered away quickly with a small shriek to a nearby room to hide.

I inched closer and reached out one hand, with my gun still firmly in the other, to pull back his hood. My jaw dropped at the embarrassed looking familiar face. "Matsuda?"

"I… I can explain," he tried to reason as Mogi released his grip.

"Do you want to explain to me why I almost shot you, 'cause that would be a good place to start!" I yelled angrily.

He just looked at his feet. "Jesus, Matsuda, I thought you were one of Fear's men! I could've blown your head off!"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Well, this time, sorry isn't gonna cut it!" I was fuming. "I could've killed you, Matsuda, don't you understand?! Where were you trying to go with a wound like that anyway? You could have opened your stitches or something." He didn't say anything, continuing to stare at his feet.

Suddenly, I saw the director come jogging around toward us, slowing as she saw the spilled coffee. "Hey, what's going-… Matsuda?" She had to do a double take. "What's Matsuda doing out of his room?"

"That's what we'd like to know," I said sternly. I was speaking toward both Matsuda and the director.

"Wasn't it your shift to watch him?" Mogi questioned her with a raised eyebrow.

"It was the end of my shift and I went to wake Aizawa for his turn, like he asked me to. He must have slipped out then," she explained. "As I was coming back to Matsuda's room just now I heard Ide shouting from around the corner and came to check it out."

Then, from behind the director, I saw Aizawa half stumbling around the corner. "A-Aizawa!" I said as I ran over to help him. I guess he was still pretty tired and battered. It was difficult for him to get around on his own. He was a little out of breath, but managed to ask, "Matsuda, what were you thinking?" Matsuda looked away and swallowed. "Bring him back to his room," Aizawa ordered us. "This time it looks like we have to cuff him to his bed rail." Mogi and I just looked at each other.

xOx0xOx

**Aizawa**

Back in Matsuda's room, after the whole fiasco in the hallway, and Matsuda explaining that he had only pretended to sleep the whole time, and wearing the change of clothes we had brought him before, he was now securely handcuffed to his bed rail. I wasn't kidding about that. There was no way he was getting out this time. The others had left by now and had all gone back to what they were doing. It was still my turn to watch Matsuda though, so this gave me a chance to speak with him. "I'm sorry to do this to you, but you left me no other choice," I informed him from where I was sitting. I felt like a parent scolding a child again.

"Please, Aizawa, don't do this. I won't run away this time, I swear!" he tried to plead with me.

"Sorry, I can't do that. What's sad is that we both know you're lying to my face." He looked away from me, obviously guilty.

"I'm sorry," he said again for what must have been the billionth time.

"And once again, that's not good enough." He looked angry and upset. I sighed deeply. "Matsuda. Matsuda, look at me," I told him. He complied. "I know that you were planning on going to that meeting tomorrow. I know you were panning on giving yourself up. What I don't know is why you all people would suddenly decide it's time to quit." I looked him right in the eyes.

"This isn't the Matsuda that I know. The real Matsu would keep going, keep giving us different ideas, even if they weren't exactly logical. He would sneak into a guarded building and climb a ridiculous amount of stairs just to listen in on a meeting full of potential serial killers and get himself caught and almost killed while doing it. He would offer to give up half of his lifespan just for some special death eyes so that someone else wouldn't have to. He would continue to support someone's innocence for years, even if all the odds were stacked against him, until the very end. He would even shoot someone close to him to protect others. But one thing he would never do is decide to give up, to throw everything we've worked for away. That doesn't sound like you at all!"

"Well, maybe I've changed, Aizawa! Did you think of that?!" he yelled with indignation.

"I don't think so. Even though we've been through a helluva lot lately, I don't think you'd change that easily and to be honest, I don't want you to!"

"Why? The old Matsuda was weak and naïve, and above all, stupid. Why wouldn't you want me to be different, take the initiative, think of the best possible option given the circumstances?! Huh?! What's wrong with wanting to be better?!" He was getting angrier, but I had a feeling it was directed more toward himself that with me. With what little strength I had, I stood up.

"I don't want better, or more calculating, or someone who things of the easiest solution. If I did, I would have gotten Near, or better yet, a robot, because frankly, there isn't much of a difference! I don't want a robot, Matsuda. I want someone with heart, who isn't afraid to make mistakes, and take chances when there's almost no way out. I want someone who won't just sit there and say 'Oh well, we tried,' when the going gets tough, and someone who will do whatever it takes to avoid losing lives, even if it means making the hardest decisions you will ever make." I got closer to the bed. "I want you," I declared, pushing my index finger into his chest, "because you are that someone, Matsuda!"

He stared at me like I had just told him the craziest and most wonderful thing he had ever heard. He looked down, thinking. I could see he was confused, but I also saw that I was finally getting through to him. I sat down gingerly on the bed next to him with a sigh. I took a deep breath and began after a minute or two. "Matsuda." I swallowed. "Remember that time you had infiltrated the Yotsuba tower and you had to fake your death by falling off the balcony?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course I remember. What about it?"

"Well, if you recall, I wasn't there at the time. I left the investigation, though I know what happened now, because after I got back on the case, you and Mogi filled me in."

"Yeah, I remember. You yelled at me for being reckless as usual."

"Well, I didn't know what was going on at the time. All I knew was that you were undercover as Misa's manager," I explained. "Well, I started reading the obituaries in the paper. I often did," I explained, "just to check if anyone I knew, any of you, had fallen victim to L playing with your lives. One fateful day, I happened to come across one that simply read, 'Misa Amane's manager dies in fall.'" I paused, remembering what I felt.

"I figured that you were killed by Kira and he made it look accidental, or worse, you were killed in one of L's ridiculous and dangerous plans." My voice mixed with sadness and anger simultaneously. "I truly thought you were dead, Matsuda. I couldn't think of any other reason why your obituary would be in the paper other than it was true. I didn't know that you only faked your death. No one contacted me about it either."

"I really thought you were a goner. Though I didn't know you then as well as I do now, I still felt terrible, and still went through the thought of you not being around anymore. It was the same with the paintball a few days ago too, but worse, because I thought I was losing you right in front of me. But I look at you and realize that we're already losing you. How do you think I- we- would feel now if you died for real?" It was a rhetorical question, and I knew he knew that answer. "But then, when I saw you on Sakura TV as part of L's plan to draw out Higuchi, I was so happy you were actually alive." I smiled at him, remembering it as clearly as if it were only yesterday. "I was glad because that weird, fun, happy-go-lucky guy that I had grown so fond of was still there to liven up people's days. He had been there the whole time." We sat there in a moment of silence. "And I really hope it stays that way."

There was another long silence. "You know I'm not one to talk about my feelings, but I just need you to know that you mean a lot to us, Matsuda. You are not expendable, no matter how much you may think so. I want you to think about that." I stood up to go back to my chair.

We still had a while of my shift left to wait out, and we waited in contemplative silence, listening to the patter of the night rain.


	20. Fear

A/N: Well, it's been a while, but not as long as I expected. So, to keep everyone interested (hopefully), I thought I'd post a shorter chapter I wrote from Fear's POV, in third person. I have no idea at this point when I will post another chapter but I'm working on it, just a little stuck at the moment...

I hope you like it and that it makes sense, and I hope all you lovelies review. (And all you non-lovlies can go read a different story!) ;)

**Chapter 20**

**Fear (Third person)**

His men were starting to doubt him, he thought, staring at the masked reflection in the bathroom mirror. So far, keeping the fear of Kira in everyone was proving to be a more difficult task than he originally thought. Now that Abe had been gone for a while, he wasn't sure where, he had to finish this on his own. No more taking orders from a kid. His people needed him to be a man now, a strong leader, something he'd never been very good at before. He had always had some sort of guidance or orders from others. What clothes to wear to be presentable, what schools to attend, what to study in college, what career he would have, and what moves he should make next. From now on, he wanted to give the orders.

He didn't need to lead an army, no. He didn't even have that many under his command. Though he liked to make people think so, he wasn't sure if he could efficiently control such an amount. He figured he was just shy of an organization by now, and growing. Some of them he scooped off the streets, like a lost puppy, and fed them, gave them a roof over their heads, taught them Kira's ways. Others, his select few, he had hand-picked himself after doing some extensive research. He didn't really have enough men to go after the task force's families, but frankly, he didn't want to. He only thought it would be a more viable threat and showed their pictures for proof. He didn't want to hurt innocents. Not unless it was absolutely necessary. Besides, his real goal was to focus intently on Matsuda, and the rest of his little team if need be.

But where was Abe? He had been one of the ones he started to research. He didn't have to do much. Abe just came to him, like it was his calling, and he was also the one to inform him who specifically had killed Kira. Fear was originally just going to form a group of Kira loving people to carry out more of his judgment and try to get revenge on the whole task force or maybe even the whole NPA. Abe was his favorite. He was the one who had made his organization actually organized with a common goal. He helped Fear with computers and making strategic plans too.

Though lately, Abe had started to become a little pushy. Fear had let most of it slide, since he was, after all, his favorite, his right-hand man. He had taken Abe under his wing as one of the very first. He trusted him, maybe a little too easily. He wished he could call him, but he wasn't answering his burner phone they communicated through. How long had it been since he was gone? A day or so, or maybe it was closer to almost three?

Fear started to think about it and realized that maybe Abe had run off somewhere trying to sell his secrets out to the police. What if he had told them everything all along? Fear knew he worked in the NPA as a computer specialist/analyst. It would be so simple to tell them everything about him, right? Or did he? Wouldn't the police have come after him by now if he had? They'd waste no time arresting him if they had anything on him, especially with their precious Matsuda's life at stake.

He began to grow highly suspicious. He couldn't trust anyone, not even his right-hand man, he decided. Of course! Why didn't he see it sooner?! He knew it was risky, but believed in his devoutness to Kira, especially considering who he was related to! When Abe returned, if he ever did, he would have to be questioned thoroughly. Though maybe he should just get rid of Abe himself. For good. Abe, he thought, was just too passive for his taste anyway. Fear wanted to be offensive, take action, and let the world know. But Abe… He wanted to be quiet and stealthy, and plan out every detail before making a move. At first, when he let Abe into his union of sorts, he let him do what he wanted. Fear let him guide almost every decision he made, because he was young, smart, and an inside man to spy on the cops.

Suddenly, a knock on the door broke him away from his reminiscence. "Fear, sir, I apologize for bothering you, but I have important information!" At first, Fear was slightly irritated. _What's so important that he had to come to me right now? _he thought._ It's probably just a false alarm again._ Making sure his mask was on and covering his face in front of lower level subordinates, he opened the door to the dimly lit room.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice carefully monotonous.

The young man of about 20 quickly bowed low and said, "Sorry to interrupt, sir, but I have important information regarding Abe." Fear always liked this one. Respectful, he was.

"Abe?"

The fit man rose upright and continued. "Yes, sir. According to the news, Abe killed himself last night after trying to go after the Kira killer."

"What happened? Did Abe kill him?" Fear asked, letting slight concern show through his voice.

"No, sir, but he did shoot and wound him. He's in critical condition in the hospital. They're not completely sure he'll make it." The soldier sounded angry at this, but Fear was still, his brain analyzing what he had just been told. If he was perturbed, no one could tell. The soldier just stood and waited for Fear's response.

"Where was it?" was all he asked.

"He was shot down the street from Shinjuku hospital… May I ask why that is of importance?"

Fear simply walked past him slowly, hands behind his back, as his subordinate looked to him expectantly. Under the already smiling, no- grimacing mask, the man underneath grinned even wider and more malevolently than he had previously thought possible. Though the other man could not see this, chills were sent tingling up his spine.

"I have a feeling he'll live, and if he does…" he paused for affect, "we're going to throw him a little 'get well' party."


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! My gift to you is another chapter! =D Though it may not be very exciting... I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! At least a little... And maybe you could send me a bit of holiday cheer by leaving me some reviews? ;)

**Chapter 21**

**Matsuda**

I couldn't sleep. It was 7 o'clock the morning of the specified date of the meeting and I was still handcuffed to the hospital bed rail. I slept sporadically, either waking to nightmares or not sleeping for hours at a time. It seemed like it was going to be a beautiful day. The clouds had finally dispersed and the sun was shining, but despite the weather looking up my heart was in my throat and my stomach was churning. I felt physically sick by not being able to go to the meeting, though it wasn't until midday. I didn't know what in the world could possibly happen if I didn't show. I called my parents and told them to stay in a motel somewhere and to avoid telling anyone where they were going and make sure they weren't being followed. They asked me what was wrong and if I was in some sort of trouble, but I just told them that I loved them and hung up.

I felt awful for making them worry, but Fear was definitely psychologically unstable with more psychologically unstable followers at his disposal, which meant I wouldn't put it past him to do just about the most horrible things I could think of, even to my parents. That's one reason why we didn't have a bunch of cops just go and storm the place. Fear could have a bomb rigged to explode when they get inside, kind of like when we raided Mello's hideout right before the chief died. We were all wearing protective gear, but were all still injured in the blast. Plus, we didn't know who we could trust. Abe Hisoka was working with Fear, so who knows who else was working for him. They might tip him off.

I just wanted the day to be over with already, give myself up, and everything would by fine (for everybody else, that is). I would no doubt be horribly tortured the instant Fear could lay one grimy, gloved finger on me.

The only thing wrong with that plan is that they would make me say on national, then probably world, TV that I killed their "savior," and I didn't want Light's family knowing that he was really Kira (and of course, I wasn't so thrilled about the idea of being tortured either). So I once again turned to my literal suicide mission.

I'd have to rampage the place and start shooting at the first person I saw and make sure not to be taken alive. Not a very elaborate plan, but that was what I had and I was sticking to it. I was hopeful it would work, but if, for some unpredictable reason it didn't, then I guess I'd have to wing it.

The only thing standing between me and leaving were those damn handcuffs and Aizawa's determination to keep them securely on me. There was no way in hell I was going anywhere now.

I sighed loudly for the millionth time already that day and stared up at Aizawa with my puppy dog eyes and a slight pout, trying to look as sad and pathetic as I could, silently begging him to release me, but to no avail.

"Nope." That was all he said, not even looking in my direction, just reading more of the case notes, catching up on things the others had already gone over.

"But…But Aizawa…" I stammered purposefully, still just trying to elicit some sort of reaction out of him other than apathy. "Please…" He simply turned a page. "I… I feel trapped like this. What if something happens? I can't move or defend myself!" I fake pleaded, trying to sound as frantic and worried as I could.

He finally stopped to look at me. "Okay," he said. My face lifted, thinking for a moment he had actually listened to me. "Then I won't leave," he continued, with a I-know-what-you're-trying-to-do smile, and went back to reading and ignoring me.

My face dropped from a hopeful visage to a defeated one. There was no use denying it. I was never getting out of there. Not unless something came up. With my luck, I'd likely be stuck in that room with Aizawa forever.

xOx0xOx

What seemed like days passed by and finally it was 11:59 am. My heart felt like it was going to beat its way right out of my chest. I stared at the wall clock, the seconds ticking away seeming louder than possible, considering the clock was about eight feet away from me on the opposite side of the room. It was as if I were waiting for a bomb to go off.

Tick, tock.

_What's going to happen when I'm not there?_

Tick… tock…

_Is he going to hurt other to find me?_

Tick…

_What do I do?_

Tock…

_What _can_ I do?_

Tick…

I closed my eyes, waiting for something, anything, to happen. I imagined an explosion nearby, gunshots, screaming, and chaos. Different scenarios played out in my head.

Noon…

It was noon and nothing life changing, or terrible, or malicious had transpired. _Yet_, I thought to myself. The emotions I felt swirling around like a storm inside me were dreadful. I was relieved, mortified, anxious, and angry all at once. I couldn't even comprehend right away that Aizawa was trying to get my attention. Everything was a blur, except for one fact: I was not where I was supposed to be, and now innocent people might get hurt.

I continued to stare at the clock. My time had run out to save everybody. Now what? What was going to happen? Would the rest of the team be targeted now too? Our families? How much more death was I going to cause?!

"Matsuda," I faintly heard in the background, though it didn't quite register in my brain. "Matsuda," I heard again, but this time with a hand on my shoulder. I started to return from my haze, and looked towards him. "Matsu, it's okay, it's going to be okay," Aizawa tried to calm my anxiety. I'm sure I looked as though I were going to have a panic attack. "Hey, I know this is really overwhelming, but you have to try and pull yourself together in case… in case something happens, okay? I don't think anything will though, you hear me? Everything's going to be just fine, so don't worry, but try to calm down, okay? It's going to be alright."

I just kept gazing up at him, as if his comforts could make it come true, like his words could become the reality I so desperately longed for. I couldn't think of anything to say, but I didn't _need_ to say a thing. I just wanted to believe my friend so badly. I nodded weakly and stared down at the plain white sheets covering my legs. My senses, my mind, everything went blank for a long time afterward. I'm sure Aizawa had sat back down, but if he did, I didn't notice.

The next thing I knew, I was coming to from my trance-like state of nothingness to the sound of the door opening and closing loudly. I jumped, startled, but realized it was only Aizawa entering the room holding two cups of coffee and a white paper bag. I glanced at the clock, reading 12:22 pm. Had I really been zoned out for over 20 minutes? So far, it seemed like nothing Fear-related was happening still. Aizawa would have been more serious and told me right away, not walk in casually with hot beverages in his arms.

"Hey, Matsuda. Are you alright now?" Aizawa asked, still standing in front of the door.

"Um… Yeah. I guess so," I replied slowly.

"Well, that's good to hear I suppose. You were pretty unresponsive for a while. Here," he said handing me one of the coffees. "I thought you might need one of these about now. If you were conscious, that is." I graciously accepted the warm paper cup, the familiar smell drifting up to my nose through the hole in the lid inviting me to take a sip. It was good. Not the hospital's.

"Thanks. Did you get this from a café or something?" I inquired.

"Yeah. I was getting tired of the hospital's bitter stuff, and there's a café down the street so I thought I'd go for a coffee run and stretch my legs. Everyone else is occupying my room while I sit in here with you, so I asked Ide to fill in really quick while I got everyone something. My treat," he explained. I felt bad. I hadn't even realized he left, or that Ide had come and gone as well. "Here, I got you this too," he added, giving me the white bag after I put my coffee down on the bedside table. I peeked inside the bag, noticing a glazed donut with tissue paper half folded around it to hold it with.

"I wasn't sure what kind you liked, or if you even wanted it, but I thought you could use a break from hospital food too. Plus, you need something in your system."

I wasn't very hungry before, but now that I smelled the doughnut, it made my mouth water. "Wow. This is amazing, Aizawa. Thank you," I gratefully responded, reaching in the bag and pulling out the pastry with my non-cuffed hand. "Weren't you worried about going out though, especially on today of all days?" I queried before taking a bite.

"Not really. I figured that Fear and his men were probably still at the meeting place or back at their hideout or something," he said as he sat down. He seemed to be recovering a bit, at least from his superficial wounds. His movements were becoming more fluid and less restrained. Of course, I knew his broken ribs would not heal for quite some time.

"Well, thanks again."

"Oh, also," he began, "we narrowed our search down to some of the wealthiest people in Tokyo. Most of them, as we suspected yesterday, are top business CEOs or their associates right underneath them in rank."

"Das great," I muffled, my mouth full of food.

"Although, we think it's also someone who can get away more often, because he has to manage his people, especially now more than ever, because Abe is gone. He'd have to be able to leave a lot and not get in trouble. Maybe he'd have to lessen the amount of time he'd usually spend at work and maybe his coworkers will have noticed this change. So it's most likely someone at the very top of his company or business, the one who would be able to leave the rest of the work up to his assistant or the VP or something. I don't think he'd want something so secretive and important left up to just anybody, and now that Abe's dead, since he was supposedly his second in command, he'll probably have to leave even more to check on his organization and run them now or at least for a while until he finds a replacement," he elaborated.

"That makes sense," I said, swallowing the last bit of doughnut and washing it down with a gulp of coffee. "But what about famous celebrities… wait, I see. It isn't very likely because they would have a lot of press and cameras around them all the time, right? It's hard to keep secrets in a life like that. I remember it from when I was Misa's manager."

"Right. We also looked up whether or not any of our suspects were outwardly Kira followers. It's doubtful someone like Fear would deny supporting Kira. Doing so would only make him look more suspicious, and I also don't think he'd want to deny it anyway. Plus, so many people today are Kira supporters themselves that denying your support could be bad for business, and he needs that money to pay his men off. So that means you'd have to really hate Kira to deny it. Of the people we searched up, only a few did refute Kira, which narrowed the list down a bit more," he clarified.

"Interesting," I commented.

"Yep. It's amazing what a little good old fashioned police work will do," Aizawa said, probably making some degree of reference to L and Near's intricate strategies. "I'll show you the list if you want," he offered.

"Yeah, if you would," I responded.

"I'll be right back," he said as he left the room, returning in less than a minute. "Here you are."

I opened the manila folder and flipped through the paper clipped pages of six different gentlemen, some older, some younger, but none were below middle-aged. No one seemed especially cruel or had a record of any crimes, though I guess if they were Kira enthusiasts they wouldn't. There were some that looked too heavy set or too thin to be Fear, but that didn't mean anything. He could have had a stand-in in the video.

"It's hard to say who it might be just from looking at these," I stated, glancing at Aizawa.

"Yeah. We need to question their families and employees. The only problem is that he knows our faces, and so do his men, so if we're seen by either of them it could mean big trouble for us," he warned.

"Hmm." I thought for a second. "We could get someone from the NPA to go for us," I suggested.

"I thought about that too, but we know that there was already one inside man. Who can we really confide in for something like that?" he asked. I looked down, trying to think of someone, anyone, who might by trustworthy enough. Though I guess that didn't work out the last time I decided to put my faith in someone. I ended up killing him.

"I… I don't know," I answered.

"Yeah… Me neither."

We both sighed.

The rest of the day passed by relatively uneventful. That scared me. It was like there was never supposed to be a meeting that day at all, like nothing important was even going on. It was just… an average day. The suspense was building up in my mind and I couldn't take it.

I turned on the television that hung from the wall and constantly flipped to all the news stations, expecting something about Kira other that the usual chatter and ideals surrounding him. I was thinking I was going to hear something about me perhaps, or about Fear. There was just nothing. The entire day was normal and it freaked me the hell out.

To me, that meant that an event even bigger was bound to happen. Nothing today, so twice the amount tomorrow, and then three times the next day, and so on. That was how I predicted things would go. Though I didn't even know what the thing was that he was going to do that would increase. I just thought of general chaos and destruction, I supposed.

Little did I know of the actual repercussions the future would hold for us.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: It's been a while... again... sorry about that... It's not that interesting of a chapter, but enjoy anyway! Maybe!

**Chapter 22**

**Ide**

It was a little after noon, the time of the meeting, when Aizawa came in and asked if one of us would be willing to fill in for him while he got us all coffees, his treat. Of course, we all offered to pay for our own, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. That's so like him, but I was glad to see he was feeling a bit more himself, even if the day was supposed to be horrible, involving us handing over one of our own to die (according to Fear). Anyway, we knew we weren't going to get away with paying for our own when Aizawa was insisting, so we all accepted his offer to let him buy us some hot coffees from down the street. Heaven knows we were all completely tired of the hospital's nasty stuff, and well, just plain tired.

I told him that I would watch Matsuda, and Aizawa handed me the key to his handcuffs and took off, thanking me on his way out. I sauntered down the corridor to the next room, and I when I entered, he was just sitting there with his head down. I figured at first that he was just tired too, or upset about missing the meeting. "Hey, Matsuda," I tried greeting him. He didn't respond at all. He didn't even look over or turn his head. "Matsu, you okay?" I asked, concerned. Still no response. His eyes looked distant and glazed over.

I almost started to get angry with him, but instead I only felt sorry for him. _Poor kid_, I thought to myself. _I guess I'd be this way too if a killer wanted me dead. _So instead of trying to force a response out of him, I simply sat down, awaiting Aizawa's return.

_God… I can't believe we have to relive something like this,_ I thought. _Heh… Actually, the sad thing is, I do believe it. Worse still, I feel like I'm getting USED to it. _As I was sitting there in the silence, I found what I was thinking to be true. I didn't feel anything. There was no anger, no fear, no hopelessness, no sadness, nothing. Not even optimism, since I didn't seem to feel any of the terrible emotions I thought I should. I just felt…normal. There might have been slight empathy towards Matsuda, but the kind you feel towards someone who was having problems that you weren't part of.

That worried me once I was aware of it. Was I that heartless? A friend was sitting right here, shot by someone who killed himself right in front of me and still wanted by another maniac, and I couldn't bring myself to feel anything, or at least, very little of anything.

This was my friend, partner, coworker, whatever you'd call him, sitting right there three feet from me, and I'm helpless to do anything except worry why I'm not experiencing any emotions about it. _Wow. Nice, Hideki._ I mentally kicked myself. _Great friend you are, just great, always worrying about yourself, even when the crisis doesn't revolve around you. You should be worried about Matsuda, you ass! I mean, look at him. He's practically catatonic right now! And you thought he was bad after the whole Light-is-Kira confession and shooting a few weeks ago? At least he was functional… sorta… Now look at him though. Poor Matsu._

A few boring minutes later, Aizawa returned, and both of us went back to his room, which he barely even occupied so I guess you couldn't even call it his room anymore, where he handed out everybody's orders, save for two and a white paper bag. He stayed for a couple minutes to catch up on our theories and hypotheses, and then left abruptly for Matsu's room again.

_He would make a good chief, _I thought to myself. _He cares so much for us all. He'd do anything for us, even when he's tired and beaten- literally- he can still manage to find the time and energy to do nice things for us, like go on a coffee run._

I remembered back to when we were all on the Kira task force together. He wasn't as… friendly as he is now. He was way more strict and commander-like. Maybe it was the calm after the storm that was the Kira investigation, maybe he's just trying not to look worried in front of us, or maybe he just got completely used to our company by now, but whatever the reason, I think I liked it better. He was still pretty strict, as he had to be, but he was much easier to approach and talk to than before, that's for sure. I could only imagine what Mogi and Matsuda thought, since they spent way more time with him before I joined.

However, I still knew that he was scared. He had to be; scared for his family, Matsuda, and us. Who knows whose lives Fear was willing to take or destroy to get what he wanted? And I knew what probably scared him the most, was having to do the exact same thing to protect what he loved.

He already had an old friend who was ex-military take his family out of town for a few days. Not to a relative like originally planned, but to a roadside motel somewhere. Apparently he knew how to shake any followers off his tail using tactics he learned in the military, and had the same done for Matsuda's parents. Luckily Mogi and I don't have any relatives in or near Tokyo.

I glanced over at the wall clock and sighed. Before I knew it, our five minute break was over. "Come on, Ide," the director said, as she and Mogi began picking up files and the laptop again. "Better get back to work."

xOx0xOx

Hours had passed and it was dark out. I probably had about a million more cups of terrible coffee with little food, and my stomach was not agreeing with me. I tried to abandon the bitter stuff and replace it with water, but found myself going back to the caffeinated drink. I was just too tired.

We hadn't made any real progress since researching companies and their respective CEOs, presidents, and founders. At this point we were just flipping through pages and hoping something would pop out at us.

It was my turn to read some more of Abe's journal and I could already feel myself getting annoyed. Every time I read that tome of a diary, I practically threw the thing down in disgust. All he ever wrote about was, "Kira this," and "Kira that," and "Matsuda's evil," and "Fear is so stupid compared to me."

_We get the picture! _I kept yelling in my head. _Why couldn't you just write that you planned on killing Matsuda and give us Fear's identity? Keep it short and sweet! _I think we had reached practically page 100. If we weren't carefully combing through each sentence, we'd have gotten farther though.

However, somehow, through my rage and aggravation, I read a paragraph that clicked. It read: "Fear could never do the things I could. He's weak and stupid. He was never taken seriously by anyone outside of the organization. Not by his employees, and certainly not by his wife, who has engaged in numerous affairs with other, younger, men."

I gaped at the last two sentences. "Guys, listen to this," I said hurriedly, and proceeded to read the paragraph aloud. After I finished, I waited a moment for their responses.

"Well," Mogi started. "He doesn't seem to have lied so far in the journal, and he had no reason to… It sounds to me like he's probably telling the truth. What do you say, Director?"

"I agree! Finally, something we can use to get a lead!" she said loudly, and quite cheerfully. She leaned over in her chair and hugged me, as I was sitting the closest to her, which shocked me, but Mogi and I were just as happy as she was, and I didn't mind it. She seemed to realize that she was becoming unprofessional and hastily regained her composure, though she still smiled. "We should go tell Aizawa and Matsuda about this!" she suggested as she stood up abruptly.

Yes! I was finally feeling useful on this damned case! I was ecstatic that I managed to do something helpful for once. We might actually have a viable lead, and I was glad I was the one to spot it.

Maybe things were starting to look up for us after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**Matsuda**

The morning after my little mental shutdown, everyone had moved from Aizawa's room and crowded into mine. The hospital staff told us that since Aizawa didn't need it anymore, he had to give it up to someone that did. We complied, of course, it only made sense, but now we were all cramped into a one-patient sized room, and we even had to "commandeer" a chair from the old room. Though, I should say it wasn't physically cramped, but all of us being within 15 feet of each other at all times was a bit overwhelming with everything that had happened recently. Plus, it wasn't like I could just leave the room any time I wanted some fresh air. Handcuffed, remember?

The others seemed really tired, as I'm sure they were, and I felt bad for them. While they were working their asses off to try to save me, I was laying there comfortably, doing hardly anything, being a burden as usual. They had given me some things to do to feel useful; small things, like reread some of Abe's journal pages, or look over some suspects with them, or keep an eye on the news stations for signs of things that may be Fear's doing.

Actually, the last one was pretty important. I felt that if the news wasn't on, I might miss something. I might be oblivious to the team's safety, especially with some of the team out there, vulnerable.

The director and Mogi had gone to question some of the wives of our suspects, to see if any of them would tell us (indirectly or not) if they were cheating on their husbands. That would hopefully give us a lead on Fear's identity… if we were right about who he was. We originally had 6 main suspects on our list, but two of them weren't married or hadn't been for many years, so that narrowed it down to four. They also wanted to see if the wives noticed anything about their husbands that seemed weird recently, and see if they open up about their relationships. That is, assuming Fear's wife didn't know that he was Fear and was the leader of a criminal organization. If she did, and was helping him, they could be in some serious trouble.

That's why the director and Mogi went. We all thought it'd be best if another woman went to talk to them, see if they relate and open up more, but to also have a bigger guy like Mogi around, so they weren't tempted to try anything. I just hoped, for their sakes, that they were right.

xOx0xOx

**Mogi**

It felt great being out of that stuffy hospital and in the sun for a change, no longer staring at document after document, getting nowhere. The weather was finally looking better after all that depressing rain and grey sky. Today was blue and bright, which I really appreciated, though it was still cold, considering that it was February.

At the moment, Director Hashimoto and I were walking up the pathway of a rather large 2-story house after being buzzed through the gate. It belonged to our third suspect, scheduled to be at work, but his wife was home, and she was the one we were aiming to see. The first two wives we interviewed, whose husbands were the CEO of a large car company and the founder of a popular department store chain, didn't seem to think anything was out of the ordinary with their husbands, or so they said, and didn't reveal anything about not taking him seriously or if they were cheating. They seemed to genuinely love their spouses very much. We hoped this interview would prove to be more fruitful than the last.

The woman's name was Fukuda, Sadako, married to Fukuda, Yoshinori, President of Pearl White, the same company that had one of its buildings tagged about a week ago, causing us all to be called back from our paid time off. It seemed a bit fishy, but that was more than likely just a coincidence.

I looked around the front of the gated and walled house. Other than that, there wasn't any real security that I could see. I'm sure they had an alarm system, and I wondered if maybe a security guard walked around the house or the neighborhood at night. Then again, it was a very quiet neighborhood. In fact, our suspects all pretty much lived on the same side of town, just different distances away from each other. Other wealthy and famous people lived nearby as well. Now that I thought about it, Misa lived on this side of town too. I'd have to remember to stop by and see how she's doing after Light, but for now, we had business to attend to.

Mrs. Fukuda opened the large wooden front door and was waiting for us there by the time we reached it. She was a middle aged, but slender and graceful looking woman, with dark hair down to her shoulders. She also had an experienced face that said she had seen and done many things in her years. "May I see your credentials?" she asked as we stepped onto the porch and approached her. We complied and pulled them out so she could inspect them.

"I'm Hashimoto, Minori, director of the NPA, and this is my colleague, Detective Kanzo, Mogi," she introduced us.

Mrs. Fukuda must have been satisfied because she said, "I'm Fukuda, Sadako. Please, come in," guiding us down the short hall and to the living room, which didn't look like there had been a whole lot of 'living' done in it. It was pristine, with white sofas and chairs, a glass coffee table, an off white carpet, and deep colored wood accents around the room. "Have a seat. Would you like some tea or coffee?" she offered.

"No, I'm alright, thank you," the director answered as we took our seats on the expensive looking couch.

"So am I, thank you," I said.

"May I ask what this is about?" she asked coldly. "My husband isn't here right now if that's what-"

"Oh, we're not here to talk to him. We would like to ask you a few questions though, if you don't mind," the director explained.

"Questions? Listen, if this is about that boy dying during a procedure last week, I've already told officers everything I know, which isn't much."

"No, no, it's not about that."

"Then what is it?" she asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Well… Mrs. Fukuda, has your husband been spending more time at work lately?"

"Now that you mention it, I suppose he has. May I ask why that is of importance?"

"So you mean, you haven't really noticed?" the director asked without answering.

"Well, he comes home so late already, sometimes I'm already asleep. Why is that important?" she asked again.

"About how late would you say?"

"About ten pm normally, and closer to eleven thirty when he's later, but he's never stayed later than midnight, and he almost always calls when he's going to be late," she elaborated. "Now, why are you asking? It's not a crime to work hard, is it?!" She was getting impatient and angry at us. I scribbled some notes onto a small pad of paper. I hoped she wouldn't get too mad and kick us out.

"Do you ever suspect that on these late nights he says he spends working, that he may not be where he says he is?"

Mrs. Fukuda looked taken aback. "Do you mean to ask me if I think my husband is having an affair?! How dare you?! Yoshinori would never cheat on me!" she yelled rather loudly.

"What about you then?" the director asked, but continued talking before Mrs. Fukuda could answer. She looked more shocked than before, and her mouth dropped open. "A beautiful, wealthy woman such as yourself?" she leaned forward and rested her arms on the coffee table. "It must get lonely being home all day and your husband always working." I was a bit shocked at the director's behavior as well. She hadn't been this abrupt with the other two wives. "With him coming home so late, it's harder for you two to have an intimate relationship, isn't it?"

"Well, er… sometimes… but that-" she stammered, but the director cut her off and continued again. "It was too easy, wasn't it? He's never home, and even when he is, you don't get the attention from him that you deserve, right?" I could see it get more difficult for Mrs. Fukuda to restrain herself, and she was becoming more uncomfortable with each statement the director accused her of.

"Now wait just a minute! I-" she started, but was interrupted again.

"You're a stay at home wife, right? So what do you do all day? Clean? Watch TV? The house is pristine; it's just you two that live here. You get bored and lonely, don't you? And it really was easy, wasn't it? I mean, it's not like it's a crime. Admit it, you're having an affair, aren't you?" the director accused her directly. She paused for a moment, waiting for the flustered Mrs. Fukuda to respond. She remained silent, stunned. "Aren't you?!" she asked again, practically shouting.

"Yes! Okay, yes!" she finally admitted angrily, slamming her palm on the table. "Fine! I am!" she yelled at us. "But it's not like that bastard even notices! He leaves me here all day, like some trophy to come back to and admire, but then he gets home and we still don't do anything!" She started to get teary eyed. "And even on the rare occasion that we do, it's like there's something missing; no spark, no passion." She took a deep, shaky breath to try to calm down, but her tears started to flow. "So… I began to see other men while he was gone. I wanted to seek out that missing connection, and even though I didn't really know any of those men, it was strange and exiting, and I got from other, younger men, that I just couldn't with Yoshinori," she explained through sniffles. She grabbed a handkerchief out of her sweater pocket and dabbed at her eyes as her makeup was slightly running down her cheeks.

"Please… I beg of you. Please don't tell my husband what I've just confessed to you. I do still love him, just not in the same way. It's complicated? He gives me everything I could ever want, except, well… That. You know?" I felt bad for her. I didn't approve of what she was doing, but I could understand her reasons. She sobbed some more, until finally, I spoke to her in a soft voice.

"Mrs. Fukuda, please, calm down. We aren't going to tell your husband any of this," I told her.

"Y-you're not?" she looked up, confused.

"No, we're not going to tell him anything. I'm sorry for being so hard on you before, but I knew you wouldn't admit something like that to us without being pushed to do so," she apologized sincerely. "I hope you can forgive me." I was amazed at how quickly the director could change emotions and almost complete personas. One minute she was harshly interrogating a suspect, the next, she was a comforting, understanding woman.

"But then… why did you need to know all of that so badly?" she asked as she tried to calm herself with deep breaths.

"I'm afraid we can't tell you that," I answered. "Please don't tell your husband what we have discussed here today."

She looked at us a bit suspiciously, but replied, "Alright… I, of course, don't want to tell him what I've said today." She was sniffling, but not weeping anymore.

"Mrs. Fukuda, we have a few more questions for you though, if you don't mind. They shouldn't take long, is that okay?" the director asked her.

"Yes, that'll be alright."

"Do you know if any of your husband's employees take him seriously?"

"Umm… I'm not really sure," she began. "I'm not at his office very often. The few times I have gone, however, people didn't seem too happy with him. They'd be grumbling to themselves or complaining to other coworkers after just seeing him, saying things like 'He shouldn't be the boss,' or 'He doesn't know what he's doing,' but I always just figured it was because he was their boss. No one usually likes their boss," she explained. I scribbled more notes.

"Now, you said he does seem to be staying later at work recently?"

"Correct."

"Do you have any reason to suspect that he's not at work?" she asked again.

"No, like I said, he always calls when he's going to be late, and I never hear any background noise like he's out of his office," she answered. "Now please. I've answered your questions. I think I deserve some answers for mine." The director and I glanced at each other, but the director gave Mrs. Fukuda a nod and said okay.

"Why are you questioning me about my husband? Is he having an affair too? Or is he in some kind of trouble?"

"We don't know that for sure yet. We don't think he's having an affair though, but this is an ongoing investigation."

"But he is a suspect?"

"Maybe. He is just one on a list of others we are questioning at this time. Nothing is for certain right now, so don't be alarmed by any questions we asked." That was a well thought out answer she gave.

"For what crime?" she seemed horrified by the idea that he could be involved.

"We can't tell you that," I stated frankly.

"Is it a serious crime?"

"Yes," I said. We sat silently for a minute while Mrs. Fukuda was taking everything in that we told her, until the director spoke up.

"Mrs. Fukuda," she said as she stood up. "Thank you for your time, but we must be going. Again, I'm truly sorry about before."

She and I stood up as well. "You're welcome, and it's alright about that, really," she replied as she walked us toward the front door.

"Thank you," the director called one last time over her shoulder as the door was shut. Our walk back to the car was silent. Once we were buckled up in the car and I started driving toward our next destination, I got up the nerve to ask her about what happened.

"Director?"

"Yes? What is it?"

"I was just wondering, why did you start being so aggressive with her? You weren't with the others. Why was she different?"

"Are you kidding? Didn't you notice how she was eyeing you, Mogi?" she responded with a playful smile and raised eyebrows. I blushed slightly. "Though really," she became serious again. "The way she reacted towards what we were asking just seemed… off somehow. When we first came in, she didn't ask if her husband was alright, she said he wasn't home. She also said that he gets her and does for her anything she wants, except being good in bed. She may say she still loves him, but maybe it isn't so much him as much as his wallet."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I don't know, at first though, it was mainly women's intuition I guess," she said with a chuckle.

"Well, it worked," I admitted. "At least now we have a possible lead. We just need to talk to our last suspect's wife and see if she's hiding anything. Maybe you can use more of your 'women's intuition' again," I said jokingly.

"Heh. Maybe I will," she said back, as we started to drive through a more populated, urban area of the city. We were stopped in traffic at a red light and suddenly, every screen on the sides of the buildings and every television went dark.

"Hey, what's with all the TV screens?" we heard someone on the sidewalk ask loudly. "I wonder what's going on," someone else asked casually. No one really paid it much attention, just figuring that there were some technical difficulties or broadcasting problems in the area. Even I didn't pay it much mind at first.

Then, the televisions turned back on, and what was on them made my blood curdle.

A/N: This one is a bit long, and hopefully it isn't boring. Don't worry, I promise it will start getting interesting soon (as you could probably tell by the last sentence. Hehehe!). I got inspired by those mystery/drama type of TV shows with the interview. Mostly, for some reason, Castle, (if you know that show). I kept picturing Becket as the director questioning Fukuda and Mogi was a quieter version of Castle. I don't know why... Well, I hope you enjoyed my update, and I hope to update again soon! .


	24. Chapter 24

**Matsuda**

I knew something catastrophic would happen. How could it not? Exactly 24 hours after my missed meeting with Fear? He wouldn't just let me walk off Scott - free. There were consequences for every action and I was about to find out what mine were.

On every screen on every channel was a large F, in the same calligraphic style L's was in, no doubt done to mock him. Though, instead of it being a black letter on a white background, his was black on blood red. Typical. When he spoke, it wasn't in the same vomit - inducing, high pitched disguised voice he had used the first time in the video he sent. This time, it was changed to a deeper, more menacing type of voice you'd hear in a nightmare.

"Hello, everyone. I am Fear," he started as eveyone's eyes were averted toward the TV set. "I know that many of you out there are devout followers of Kira, as am I, and many of you believe that the police were lying when they claimed that Kira had been killed by them. Well, dear citizens, I am here to tell you that, sadly, they were telling the truth." Our window was closed, but yelling could be heard in the streets below.

"However, I am also here to tell you that we can avenge His wrongful death by eliminating the coward who killed Him. He is an NPA officer. I generously gave him the chance to turn himself over to me before anyone else had to get hurt. He refused, and now others must pay the price for his ignorance and selfishness."

"This man is a murderer allowed to walk free. He not only killed our savior, but 3 days ago, he also caused the death of one of my most trusted men. He was like a son to me."

_'Yeah, right,' _I thought. 'He probably could've cared less about him.'

"Though, before that could happen," he continued, "this operative managed to easily infiltrate the NPA headquarters and gain access to highly classified information. If I had one inside man, who's to say I don't already have 10 more, or 50, or even hundreds, placed in different government facilities all over Japan?" He had a point. What would happen, even if I did give myself up? He probably wouldn't stop there.

"Dear citizens, I am not aspiring to a replacement for the almighty Kira. I do not have the supernatural ability nor the divine consciousness he possessed. However, I believe that I can be a stepping stone, and help to continue Kira's goal for a brighter future in a cleansed world. A utopia, starting with Japan. Starting with the NPA."

"So I ask each and every one of you to do your part as citizens in this future utopia. As a warning to him, and anyone helping him, I will not release this man's - this murderer's - name, publicly at this time. But know this, Kira killer... I WILL find you."

Click. The screens went dark for a moment before returning to their normal programming. This was it. This was what my punishment was going to be. I had made my choice and now others would suffer the consequences. I wasn't even sure exactly what would happen, but I knew we couldn't return to the NPA headquarters, and though Fear didn't give out my identity it was only a matter of time before others from the NPA threw the Kira task force under the bus and handed us over to the public. That is, if headquarters wasn't completely decimated by an angry mob first.

The general populous had long ago turned against the government and especially the police thanks to Kira, but I wasn't sure to what extent until that day. Before I realized it, I heard faint yelling, and crashing and banging noises coming from outside. Ide got up and opened the window to see what was going on.

"Oh no," he said, like he half expected it, before turning to face us with a grave expression.

"What is it?" Aizawa asked.

"We need to get out of here, now! Riots are starting to form in the streets," he explained. "We need to be careful, they look angry, and are taking out anything in their sight."

With one swift motion, Aizawa was up and unlocking my handcuffs, throwing my clothes on the bed toward me, while Ide was collecting all the papers, the journal, and laptop into one haphazard stack in his arms. By the time I slipped my shoes on Aizawa was dragging me behind them, carrying my backpack for me. We shuffled along down the stairs and passed the reception desk. We didn't bother signing me out, because even if we did, the staff was too preoccupied with the events unfolding outside. Some even ran out to join in on the anarchy, while others hid under tables and put their hands over their heads or tried calling the police. Windows and door were being smashed, glass shattered and blanketed the floor.

Meanwhile, we made a sharp turn and dashed out a side door to where Ide's car was parked in the alleyway. We scrambled into the vehicle, hoping no one would notice us, both of them throwing their things into the backseat next to me. Making sure we were buckled in, Ide sped us off down toward the backside of the hospital, practically drifting around the corner and onto a less crowded surface street, heading in the direction of God knows where. Aizawa whipped out his cell and dialed Mogi, briefing him on the situation and that we were headed to a place they had apparently agreed upon beforehand, unbeknownst to me. It sounded as if Mogi was having trouble as well but was handling it, and Aizawa hung up, turning around to face me. "Matsuda, you okay?" he sked.

"Yeah," I replied simply, and he turned back around to face forward. With everything going on, I had to be dragged behind, have my stuff carried for me, and sit quietly in the back seat. It was like I was a child, always causing trouble, always the one being taken along for a ride, never being able to help or say anything. Like always, I didn't know what to do. I was useless. For once, I was glad I didn't open my big mouth and try to say something or ask questions, though I didn't even know where this place was we were headed. However, if there was a time when silence was greatly needed, it was then, in that car, with two of my gaurdians.

I simply stared at the backs of their heads, admiring how efficient they were, their quick action, and all without saying a word to each other. They just knew what they had to do to and did it. So I let them have silence, because they didn't need me chiming in, saying something stupid, making everyone mad in a stressful situation. I let them be. I wished I was able to help them, come up with plans, and be helpful besides getting coffee, but I knew I couldn't. I'd only get in the way.

So I sat in the backseat of Ide's car, staring out the window, wishing I had made it to that meeting, and knowing that I would find a way to end this all.


	25. Chapter 25

**Mogi**

I ran. I ran as fast and as hard as my exaughsted, battered legs could carry me. My throat and lungs burned, panting in the winter air, trying to catch my breath. I was freezing and sweating at the same time. Everything was quiet, save for the sounds of my own heavy breathing and stumbling up the street.

Though if I really stopped to listen, off in the distance, I could hear them; the riots, the fires, the people. The massive blur of anger, disbelief, violence, and a strange sense of entitlement that lead them to think that because we had taken away what they loved, they now got to destroy whatever they could get their hands on, as if that was in some way just.

I had long ago escaped the chaos that now continued to plague the rest of the city, but I didn't leave without first searching for Director Hashimoto. We were seperated after we abandoned our car when everything started. I don't know if she was beaten, if she got lost and ran off somewhere out of the mobs, or if maybe she was...killed. No matter how much I didn't like that idea, I couldn't discount all of the possibilities. Of course, I'd like to think she made it out alright and is safe somewhere.

I still had a long way to go, and I knew well enough by then that the others had discarded their cell phones, so as not to be tracked (though we had already turned the GPS in each of our devices off the day Aizawa had been in his car accident) and maybe purchased burner phones. I lost my cell, so they wouldn't be able to call me anyway, even if they did. I lost my wallet as well, so no money for a cab, a train, or even a payphone.

I lost it while practically fighting my way out of the mobs. I definitely recieved my fair share of punches, pushes, kicks and curses. I had to get out of there before I was killed. Though, to be honest, I feel like I could have looked longer for the Director. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about it. '_If only I searched longer, if only I hadn't turned my back on her for that moment, she might still be with me._' But I knew it wouldn't do any good now. If she was taken by someone, it might've happened one way or another.

I was worried for her, but I also knew she was a capable woman. She could handle herself... to a extent. Just because you're strong or can take care of yourself doesn't mean you're indestructible. Just then, a firetruck with sirens blaring wailed by me down the road heading in the direction I had come from. I opened my eyes. Without realizing it, I had stopped and leaned against a light pole. "I can't rest yet!" I ordered my legs. "I have to keep going! I can rest when this mess is over!" I took a shaky step, then another, and another, until I was walking at a steady pace. "Just you wait, Matsuda. We WILL end this chaos!"

xOx0xOx

**Ide**

_Misa's_ condo. That's where our last minute hideout was. Hardly anyone besides us and Light's family knew that he was dating Misa, so we called her up while Matsuda was unconscious and asked that, if the situation should arise, we could stay with her. It was the only place we could think of that Fear wouldn't know about, and where his goons couldn't find us. Their relationship hadn't been in the report that Abe hacked, so it was unlikely that Fear knew about her. Plus, Misa had moved almost immediately after Light's death. She couldn't take living in their once shared apartment anymore, with everything there reminding her of him. So that's where we ended up too: at Misa Amane's new condo.

I felt terrible for her. She was madly in love with Light, everyone could see that. When she answered the door to us, her young and beautiful face no longer held the life and vibrancy it once did. She wore black capris and a black, v-neck T-shirt, her hair down, and she had no makeup on. It was weird to see her like this. I had only ever seen her all dressed up with complete makeup and hair. But of course, I understood. It had only been less than a month since that day at the warehouse. She was still grieving the loss of her beloved Light, and clearly needed more time. Yet here we were, barging in and bringing more trouble.

We all knew the two things Misa loved most in the world were Light and Kira. She knew that one of us had killed Kira, but was told that Light was killed by Kira while trying to stop him. So she was probably very confused. Not only did the love of her life die that day, but her faith had been challenged and uprooted as well. Despite all of this, she still allowed us to stay in her home, and we were immensely grateful for that.

While we sat in her living room and awaited news of Mogi or the director, everyone was awkwardly quiet. Misa made us all tea, and we sipped it, but there wasn't much conversation going on. Misa and Matsuda were especially silent. It was strange, since they used to be the most talkative and active ones. Now they were about as dull and lifeless as dolls. I remember how I used to get angry at Matsuda for being that way: happy, silly, loud, a goofball. Now, I'd give anything to have the old him back. It was unnatural this way, and I'm sure Aizawa felt the same.

Hours had passed and we still had not heard anything from Mogi. We called him right when the riots first started, and he seemed to be worried, but nothing too serious. Though the riots escalated quickly, we thought he would handle it and meet up with us, or at least contact us, but nothing yet. So, understandably, we were all on edge, waiting for them to return.

The riots had started right after Fear's video stopped playing, about noon, and we still hadn't heard anything from them by five. We started to worry more and more, but none of us suggested something to do if they didn't come back at all. We were too nervous, and besides, I don't think anything could've been done anyway.

It was a little before five-thirthy, when suddenly, a knock on the door made us all jump. Out of cautionary instinct, and police training, the three of us stood and drew our guns. Misa went to hide in the kitchen. I was the closest to the door, so I went to take a look through the peep-hole, closing one eye, and looking out with the other. I gasped. "It's Mogi!" I informed the others as I holstered my gun and threw open the door.

xOx0xOx

**Matsuda**

He was panting heavily and looked like hell, having to lean on the door frame for support. "M-Mogi! What happened?! Where's Director Hashimoto?" Ide questioned as he quided the beaten man to a chair.

"Wait!" called Misa as she peeked around the corner from the kitchen. She dissappeared back in and came out a moment later with a glass of water. "Here, drink this first, catch your breath," she told Mogi.

He did so, and after a minute, he regained enough composure to say, "I'm alright... But I don't know what happened to the director."

"What do you mean?" Aizawa questioned, furrowing his brow.

"We got separated after you called. We couldn't drive through the traffic and crowds, so we had to try to make our way out on foot. One minute, she was there, getting out of the car, and the next, she was gone. I tried to call her cell, and I looked for her for over an hour. I couldn't stay there any longer though, so I got outta there," he explained, clearing his throat and taking another gulp of water. "I only hope she did too."

"Wait, did you walk all the way here?!" I asked, astounded.

"Y-yeah... I lost my wallet and phone in the mobs, so I couldn't call or get a cab. I don't think I could've gotten one anyway."

"Are you sure you're alright, Mogi?" Misa chimed up. "Do you need anything else?"

"Just some bumps and bruises. I'm fine, mostly tired,"he replied. "I'm okay now that I've made it here. The director doesn't know the address of where we were headed, so if she's able, she'll probably find somewhere safe. She's smart, she'll figure something out." He sounded pretty confident in her.

"I hope she's okay," I added.

"Before the riots," began Mogi, changing topics, "we managed to interview the first three suspect's wives."

"Suspects?" asked Misa. "So you guys actually have an idea of who this guy is?" We turned to look at her.

"Well, sort of, but not really. Sorry, Misa," I decided to speak up. "I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you should hear this. It's not that we don't trust you, it's just that... well, it's dangerous. We don't want to involve you in this anymore than we have to, and we're already hiding out in your condo." I explained. "I just... don't want you getting hurt because of all this."

"She seemed a bit angry at first, like she was going to protest, but calmly agreed, breathing deeply through her nose. "Alright, I understand. I'll just go in the kitchen and make everyone some dinner then."

"Thank you, Misa," I responded. I almost didn't have the heart to ask Misa to leave, but I wanted to be the one who did. After all, I was the one who broke the news to her about Light's death. I felt horrible telling her that, but worse, I felt responsible, for obvious reasons. Since then, she moved into this new condo, unable to stay where she and Light used to live happily together. She left all of his things in their old apartment and left the next week. She's been reclusive since then and hasn't even taken on any new jobs.

Suddenly, Misa returned from the kitchen, looking almost embarrassed. "I hope you all like soba noodles, 'cause that's kinda all I have right now. I'd run to the store if I could, but... you know."

"Oh, that's perfect, Misa," I told her.

"Whatever you have is fine," Aizawa added, and the others nodded in agreement. "Okay then, I'll just cook that right up and be back out in a jiffy," she said cheerfully as she left the room, starting to sound like her old self a bit.

"Thank you, Misa!" I called out to her.

So, Mogi, what were you going to say about talking to the suspects' wives?" Aizawa asked, getting back on topic.

"Right. Like I was saying, we only managed to interview the first three before we got caught in the riots."

"Did you discover anything useful?" I asked, hopeful.

"Well, maybe. We had no conclusive evidence that the first two women, the wives of Nakamura, Katsuo, and Hayashi, Nao were cheating on their husbands, and they also seemed to greatly respect them. So did their employees, according to them. However, when we got to the third wife, Fukuda, Sadako, something was different, and the director picked up on that. She started questioning her much more directly and adamently than before, and got her to admit that she was, in fact, having numerous affairs with younger men, and she also told us she had seen his employees talking badly about him behind his back," he elucidated.

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "That could mean it's him!"

"Maybe, but..."

"But what?"

"Remeber, we never got to the fourth wife, Mrs. Kinjo, and anyway, we don't know that any of our suspects are actually Fear in the first place." He had a point. Of course I knew that, but I couldn't stop myself from hoping that it would be him, and that we were on the right track. The sooner we found him, the better.

xOx0xOx

Misa soon returned from the kitchen with delicious hot dinners for everyone. It'd been a while since I'd eaten that well and I really needed that comfort of a home-cooked meal. "Thanks, Misa!" I said, with a mouth full of food. "It's delicious!"

She gave a small giggle. "I can tell by the way you're scarfing it down," she replied.

I returned a smile, then shoved another bunch of noodles into my mouth. I didn't really pay it much mind at the time, but the others were glancing over in our direction. At first I thought they might have been looking at me because of the way I was eating, but in hindsight, I think they were probably glad to see Misa and I look happy for once since the incident, and actually have a conversation that wasn't about the case, or Light, or Kira.

It was a brief moment, but long enough. It was the first time I had been genuinely happy at all in over a month. All it took was a good meal and my friends around me. Corny, but true. I realized that, though, and stopped eating for a minute, staring down at my plate forlornly. I was thinking about all the things that had happened, and all the things yet to come.

_"Too bad this won't last for much longer..._" I thought.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! It really makes me so happy to read them, and made me want to try harder to make chapters quicker! And I tried to fix the mistakes in the previous chapter. I had actually gone back before I submitted it to fix most of them. It was like 4 am and I could barely keep my eyes open, so considering that, I think I actually did pretty good, haha!

**Director** **Hashimoto**

They got me. Within a minute of exiting the car, they grabbed me at gunpoint, out of Mogi's sight, and threatened to kill him if I tried to call out to him or run. How could I have been so taken by surprise? I'm the freakin director of the National Police Agency for cryin' out loud! Of course, to top it all off, they had to do it in the overly cliché put-a-bag-over-your-head-and-throw-you-in-a-windowless-van way. They bound my wrists with plastic zip ties too, so I couldn't put up much of a fight. I understood my position and sat still and quiet. I was pissed off, but quiet. No need to make a bad situation worse.

I tried to listen for anything we passed that might give me a clue as to where we were headed. Mostly, I just heard the crowds of people and other cars, nothing really noticeable, like a train or something would be. I was also trying my best to remember turns and stops we made along the way, but we drove for so long it was difficult to keep track, and I couldn't tell how long it was between turns. Plus, I think it's safe to assume the driver was told to go in circles and make random turns to confuse me and throw off followers anyway.

I sighed, and felt the warmth of my breath fill the black sac. Yep, cliché, but I had to admit, effective.

xOx0xOx

"Ugh! I grunted as someone took another swing with his fist at my face. "Ugh!" Another. It had been going on like this for a while now. My glasses, as cracked and broken as my body felt, had been thrown on the other side of the room along with my heels. My face was a bloody and swolen mess of purple and red, and my stomach and ribs were no better off.

They made sure I was securely zip-tied and duct taped to a metal chair that screwed into the concrete ground. The room itself I could tell was larger, but it had been sectioned off with sheets and curtains hanging from the ceiling, and by the looks of it, with wooden beams criss-crossing above and pipes and insulation also visible, I guessed we were in some type of basement. There was a creepy lightbulb that swung down from above me, further evidence that this was indeed a basement, or perhaps somewhere that was under construction. It's light glinted off of the large guns that two of the guards carried, which I had also been hit with once or twice by the way.

When the man standing in the back corner of the area, who I presumed was Fear since he was wearing the same disgusting mask, had apparently figured I was good and beaten, he ordered the man hitting me to stop, and told someone else to "bring in the camera," and faced it toward me. "You be good and quiet now while I film your gorgeous face for your friends," he said in a twisted sarcastic way. "Or are you not finished yet?" He asked, obviously refferring to the beating.

I couldn't exactly answer him. Everything was a bit fuzzy at this point from all the times they hit me in the head. I didn't have the energy to move anyway, nor could I see through my swolen eye or the blood and sweat very much either. I was exaughsted and was in and out of consciousness while they filmed, so I didn't have to try very hard to keep my mouth shut.

I don't remember when he stopped filming, I just remember waking up to a bucket of freezing cold water being dumped on me. I gasped, and sucked in some of the water, choking on it and coughing violently. "Wakey, wakey, Minori. Rise and shine!" He was standing in front of me, leaning forward and propping his hands on his knees.

"Don't... call me that... you crazy bastard," I managed through shivering and gasping.

"Aww," he tilted his head. "Our little informant doesn't like me being so informal," he mocked. I said nothing for a moment, simply glaring at his ugly mask with indignance, spite, and regret.

"I was never your informant!" I spat at him.

"Well... almost. You did work for me though, however briefly," he stated, standing upright.

"You blackmailed me!"

"And you accepted," was all he said in return. I was silent. I knew he was right. The incident from my past being known doesn't matter to me now like it did before. I wished I could have seen how unimportant that would be. It's not like there was really proof that I couldn't disprove. I was just so scared it would ruin all I had worked for... but I would have told the team everything in an instant if I had known it would come to this.

"Do you see," he continued, "how humans are? Everyone makes mistakes, but a truly good person would admit to those mistakes instead of doing everything possible to hide them... like accepting blackmail, for instance. That is yet another mistake to add to your growing list."

"Oh? So are you gonna admit your mistakes and tell me who you really are?" I received a sharp slap for that comment.

"Now..." he grabbed my face and kneeled down in front of me to, I assume, look me in the eye. "Tell me. Are you willing to work for me one more time?" He asked slowly.

I took a moment before answering, and raised my eyes to meet the dark sockets of the mask. "Yes," I breathed, and lowered my head once again as he let it go, shame welling up inside me.

xOx0xOx

**Matsuda**

Again. The videos came on again. Exactly 24 hours later, and Fear managed to once again cover every channel with his copy-cat, calligraphic letter.

"Hello again," he said in his low voice."I know that yesterday was hard on all of you, learning the truth of Kira's death, but let me remind you, it was only his bodily demise... NOT the downfall of his empire and his beliefs."

"Kira himself may have met the tragic end of his Earthly life, but his reign lives on! We will carry it on for him! We, his children! Long live Kira!" I imagine that if I were in the streets of the city at that moment, I would have been surrounded by the cheers and screams of supporters.

Then he continued. "And as for the man who killed him..." he paused, and the screen flicked to an image I wish I could burn from my mind. Misa gasped and clasped her hands over her mouth. My blood ran cold. The director was strapped to a chair, beaten and bloody, and seemed to be unconscious. At least, I hoped she was just unconscious and not... I swallowed.

"This is Director Hashimoto, of the NPA. That's right, the same NPA that the Kira killer works for. Don't worry, she isn't dead... yet. However, this is another warning for the Kira killer. I don't want to hurt innocents, but he failed to show up again today. So now, he gets to see that this, and worse, will happen to his friends if he doesn't show up tomorrow at the new location I'm going to give him." I was shaking, and even though my identity wasn't given to the public, I was still being singled out. That was terrifying in itself, but now someone I knew was actually being tortured because of me. She could already be dead for all I knew.

"This will be all for today. IF the Kira killer gives himself up tomorrow, I won't have to do anything worse. Otherwise, the world will get to see what happens to his other friends until we find him." The screen reverted back to the F insignia. "Oh, and one last thing, Kira killer. Call your director's cell phone exactly 15 minutes after this video broadcast ends and you shall find her," he added. "Hopefully, she'll still be alive when you get there. Long live Kira's almighty reign." The transmission flickered dark, and the normal programming resumed, just like last time. Misa got up and ran toward her room, obviously disturbed by what she had seen.

"Quick, what time is it?!" Aizawa shouted.

"I-it's 1:03," Ide called out after a second of fumbling with his sleeve to try to pull it back to see his watch face. Had it really only been three minutes?

"Set an alarm for fifteen minutes!" He shouted again.

"Way ahead of you," replied Mogi as he finished setting the alarm on his wristwatch.

"So we'll call at 1:13," Aizawa said as if he was thinking out loud. It was almost like the video didn't even phase him, like everything that was just shown didn't shock him. I know he had been a cop for a long time, but seeing someone you knew like that still had to be gut wrenching. If it did shock him, he sure was good at hiding it.

I, on the other hand, was a shaky mess, and trying my damndest not to show it. I was sitting down, clenching my jaw to prevent my teeth from chattering and my hands were grasping my knees to steady myself. I kept my eyes open though, because if I closed them I would surely see the bloody image of Director Hashimoto strapped to that chair again. I'm glad no one thought to ask me if I was okay. I clearly wasn't, and if they asked, I didn't think I could give an answer. But I could tell no one else was okay either.

We were all silent for what must have been the longest fifteen minutes of our lives. Aizawa simply stared out the window the whole time, obviously deep in thought. Mogi sat on the couch across from me, still sore from yesterday and holding an ice pack to the side of his face where a bruise had formed, and Ide was behind him, slowly pacing back and forth.

Finally, 1:13 rolled around.

"It's almost one thirtee-" Mogi started, but was cut off by the sound of high pitched beeps emanating from his watch.

Faster than I could even look up, Aizawa had his burner phone out and dialed in the number. He put it on speaker phone so we could all hear. It rang a few times...3...4...5. We thought no one would answer. We weren't even sure who would answer. Then finally the ringing stopped, and there was a pause before we heard a broken, "H-hello?"

"Director! Where are you, are you alright?!" Aizawa called out.

"I, um... I'm okay... " she sounded exaughsted and confused. She gave us the cross streets she was at. I wasn't sure where exactly that was, but she told us she was outside of a mini-mart there. "Aizawa..."

"Yeah."

"I... I don't know if they're watching me," she whispered. "Don't come here, it's not safe."

"Director, with all due respect, you don't know where we are. We have to come and get you," he said as he rushed toward the door to put on his coat. "Besides, you are in no condition to go anywhere on your own!"

We heard heavy breathing from her like she was walking before she answered again. "A-alright. I'll wait by the side of the store, in the alley, so I'm out of the way of the public," she informed us.

"Don't move! We'll be there in eight minutes, okay?!"

"Please hurry."

"I will, don't you worry. Just sit tight. Ide, let's go!" He called.

"Right!" He answered.

"See you in eight minutes," he told her.

"Alright," she said as they both hung up.

"Mogi! Matsuda! Stay here! We'll be back as soon as we can," Aizawa ordered us.

"Be careful!" I yelled as the door swung shut behind them, and instantly, it was quiet again. I found myself standing dumbly in the middle of the room.

Whoever said life was like a roller coaster was right, especially in my case it seemed. Or maybe it was more like a suspense movie, always unsure of what will happen next, keeping me on my toes.

The only difference between my life and a roller coaster or a movie, was that I didn't know if it was going to to have a happy ending.

'Though...' I thought. 'There is a way I can make sure everyone else's lives will end happily...'


	27. Chapter 27

Wow... again, it took me forever to upload another chapter... Not even gonna try to make an excuse for this one. I'm just terrible! Bleh! I'm sorry, but at least I uploaded something now! I hope you enjoy nonetheless! As always, please R&R!

* * *

><p>Aizawa<p>

Ide, who was hanging on for dear life, probably didn't take my word for it when I said we'd be there in 8 minutes. Normally, it'd be about a 15 minute drive. But I knew I could make it in 8. Though, on the way, it was hard not to slow down, despite the lack of traffic.

We passed an area of the city that had apparently taken extreme damage from the riots the day before. It had been reported on the news afterward that they had lasted about six hours altogether. That's a hell of a long time to be destroying things. It was also reported that there were two people who were killed as well, and many were hospitalized and in critical condition.

Whatever happened to "Kira's Utpopia?" What about "peace" and "non-violent resolutions?" Just a load of crap. All of it. People are stupid, and ignorant, and above all, violent! The minute they're angry, they throw all that peace out the window. They're just all talk. But then, I guess that's where the expression "easier said than done" comes from.

I let these thoughts flow as I swirved and sped through the near empty streets, trying to avoid debris. I almost didn't notice that there were some people out, trying to pick up and put back together the pieces of their shops and homes, assessing the demolished or charred remains of their livlihoods. And maybe they had been part of the riots, and maybe they were just victims. Either way, cleaning up the mess afterward is always the hardest part of anything.

xOx0xOx

Matsuda

They were only gone about two minutes, when I started to get antsy. I fidgeted, squirmed in my seat, got up and paced, and sat back down again. I glanced over at the clock about every ten seconds. So I decided to get up and check on Misa. She had seemed pretty shocked when the video of the director came on, as were all of us, and ran to her room.

I got up and walked down the short hallway to her bedroom door, informing Mogi I was going to check on her, and knocked. "M-Misa? Are you alright?" I listened, but heard no reply. I knocked again. "Misa?" I was about to turn around and walk away, assuming she fell asleep or just didn't want to talk, but suddenly, I heard sniffeling from the bathroom beside me to the right.

"Misa? Are you in there?" I asked toward the bathroom door. Again, there was no reply, but I heard more sniffling and some whimpering. "Misa, are you okay? Do you want to come out and talk?" I asked nervously. Still no answer, so I figured she didn't. Sometimes, it helps to just take some time and NOT talk about it. Talking isn't always what you need. Some listening and reflecting is good too. "Listen... I know it didn't look good... but she's still alive and Aizawa and Ide went to get her right now. I'm sure she'll be fine." I tried, probably sounding unsure myself.

For the second time, I was about to turn and walk away, when I heard a thud. "Misa?! What happened?! Are you hurt?" I jiggled the handle, but it was locked. "Misa, open the door!" Mogi had arrived by this time, asking what was wrong. "I heard her crying and then a thud, and I don't know if she's ok or not. She might have fainted or something!" I explained frantically.

I continued to bang on the door and demand she open it. "If you don't open the door I'm going to have to break it down!" I warned. "Get back if you can," I said after a moment, and took a step back, looking to Mogi for approval. He nodded, giving me the okay. "One!..." I began. "Two!... Th-"

"Wait!" she cried. "Wait... I'll open it," she finally said. "Give me a second." We heard some shuffling sounds and the water running and then turning off. At last, the lock clicked, and Misa slowly peeked from around the door, her eyes red and still watery, though she didn't look directly at us. I pushed the door open wider. She looked away, guiltily, and took a quick step back. She was holding some tissues over her left wrist and blood was beginning to soak through them. I looked behind her and saw a pair of scissors open on the counter top. My stomach sank.

"Misa. What happened? What were you trying to do?" I asked in shock, though I knew exactly what she was doing. She didn't answer for a minute, trying to hold back more tears, but she broke down, falling hard on her knees and dropping the bloody tissues on the ground so she could cover her face with her hands. I kneeled down next to her and rested my hand gently on her back.

"I-I'm sorry! I just-sniff- couldn't take it without Light!" She cried. "He's gone and all because of the Kira investigation. I wanted to get the whole stupid thing out of my life and move on! But now there's this Fear guy and -sniff- he's coming after you guys, and torturing your friend, and... it's all terrible, and reminds me too much of the last time! But Light isn't here this time!" She sobbed some more and hugged her knees to her chest. "And I just feel so useless to do anything about it... And I just thought... I just..." She squeezed her knees tighter, leaving her sentence unfinished.

"Hey... You're not useless. If anything, you're probably helping us the most right now," I told her earnestly.

"W-what? How c-can that be?" she asked between her hiccups.

"You haven't betrayed us, and you've given us a place to stay, out of Fear's watch," Mogi said, comfortingly.

"You were keeping us sane," I said with a half-smile. "Cooking us a hot dinner, making us feel at home. That was all you, and we really appreciated that. You don't have to be a detective to be useful."

She sniffled, looking up at Mogi and I and started to cry some more, though not as hard as before. I had a feeling it was for a different reason this time. "I'm sorry!" she apologized again, throwing her blood-free arm around me. It felt good to be hugged again after so long. "I didn't mean anything too drastic... I was just... I don't know... But I won't do it again, I promise! Please, please, forgive me!" she pleaded.

"It's alright, I know what you mean," I told her. "We definitely forgive you." I smiled at her.

"You nearly scared us to death!" Mogi chimed in, being the doting parent when Aizawa wasn't around. It was starting to show. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and bandaged properly." He reached a hand down toward her.

She took it and sniffed again. "Okay!" she cried as she leapt up and gave him a hug too.

We got her cleaned and bandaged as best we could. Luckily, the two cuts she had made with the scissors weren't very deep. They would definitely leave scars once they healed, but at least they would heal. She would be alright. Physically, anyway. After that, we took her back to her room, making sure she was comfortable and got her a glass of water. "Quit fussing," she kept saying, as if nothing had happened, her eyes still red, but dry. It was in our nature to fuss, though, so we didn't stop. We kept asking if she needed anything else, laid her to bed, and she quickly fell asleep, emotionally exhausted.

We both let out a long sigh back in the living room, as we plopped down on our respective couches. That whole ordeal wasn't just emotionally draining for Misa, but us as well. '_She wouldn't have done that at all if I hadn't killed Light.' _The familiar thought flicked back inside my mind like a fly that buzzes annoyingly around your head, and I immediately tried to shoo it away.

I had thought about doing what Misa had done; cutting. She had only done it this once that we know of, and luckily had caught her in the act, but it was still alarming of course. It was strange to think that this beautiful girl, inside and out, once so full of light and life, could now be so filled with darkness that she thought of doing something like that to herself.

I always thought I was too much of a coward to do something like that. I wallowed in self-pity, and called myself awful names, but I could never help myself from wondering if it was really worth it. Did it really help with releasing the pain welled up inside like they say it does?

To be honest, I think the blood dripping down would freak me out the most. It would remind me too much of Light's blood on my hands. And now the director's blood and Misa's too. The perpetual, metaphorical blood that constantly stained my hands. _'Or maybe,' _I considered, _'It would be like an exchange. My blood spilt for Light's blood?' _

I sighed again, stood up and stretched with my arms above my head, feeling the tug of the stitches in my shoulder. I still couldn't believe I had gotten shot. With an actual gun, and an actual bullet. "I'm gonna go wash up," I said aloud to Mogi.

"Okay," he replied simply.

I walked over the bathroom, shut the door behind me, rolled up my sleeves, and scrubbed my hands with almost burning hot water and a ton of soap. I then turned the faucet to cool and splashed my face to wake me up. I turned off the faucet and leaned over the sink, letting the water drip from my face. I looked down and realized the scissors Misa had cut herself with were still there, forgotten on the counter top. I dried my hands and face and picked the metallic item up, intending to put it away in the cabinet, but froze.

_'My blood for their blood?'_

xOx0xOx


	28. Chapter 28

Whoo! Chapter update! It's been so long again! But here's a short chapter to hopefully keep you satisfied til the next one! :)

**Aizawa**

When we reached the spot the director had given us, I swerved and skidded to a stop, only barely off the main road. We jumped out with our guns drawn, prepared in case anybody was waiting for us. We looked around, practically back to back, waiting to see if anything happened. Nothing did. No one was there. And I mean no one. It was completely deserted, like a ghost town.

Hesitantly, I called the director's cell phone again and heard the ring on my end of the line. I thought I heard something, so I lowered my phone and listened. Sure enough, I could hear a faint ringing coming from a nearby alley. Ide and I looked at each other and nodded in understanding, sneaking cautiously over to the edge of the alleyway. Ide was right behind me. I put my phone in my coat pocket and as stealthily as I could, nudged my eye around the wall as little as possible. I didn't see anyone, but there were obstructions. Garbage bins, dumpsters, and heaps of trash bags were strewn all over the place. Plus, someone could easily come out of any of the side doors of the buildings.

I motioned to Ide that we'd go in on the count of three. I counted silently on my fingers. _One... Two... Three! _Adrenaline pumping_, _I grabbed my gun with both hands and we flung ourselves around the corner, pointing our weapons straight ahead. No one jumped out at us. No one shot at us. The phone was still ringing, and we followed the sound slowly, guns still drawn, nearer to a dumpster on the right side. We practically tip-toed around it, fingers on the triggers.

I felt like breathing a sigh of relief and gasping all at once. It was only the director, but it was the director that was worrying.

She was sitting on the ground, her eyes closed, sitting up against the wall with her still-ringing cell phone loosely in her hand beside her. "Director Hashimoto!" Ide called out as he knelt down next to her. "Director!" he called out again, gently putting a hand on her shoulder and shaking to see if she would stir. She didn't. A surge of fear (God, I couldn't even think of the actual word without thinking of that lunatic!) rushed through me. Did that bastard not keep his word?! Ide took a deep breath as he took two fingers and checked for a pulse on her throat. He let out his breath. "She's okay. Well... she has a pulse anyway," he said, noting the director's current state.

She had a very swollen, black eye, and the rest of her face, and body in general, seemed to be covered with bruises and lumps. Her white blouse made the blood stains that dripped down from her nose and mouth seem worse. Her slacks were laced with tears and rips, she had no shoes, her hair was a mess, and her glasses were also missing.

Suddenly, she stirred. Groggily, she let out a small moan of pain and opened her one good eye as much as she could manage, squinting against the light. "Ugh... Where am I?" she asked.

"Director! Are you alright? You're in the alleyway that Fear's men brought you to. Any broken bones? Do you need to go to a hospital?" I asked, also kneeling down now. "You look like Hell."

"Gee, thanks..." she said sarcastically. "You guys interrupted my beauty sleep," she added. I didn't know how she could joke around at a time like this. She must be feeling awful.

"I'll be fine. I'm just... sore," she said, struggling to move forward, like she wanted to stand.

"Whoa, whoa, who! Hang on," I told her as I tried to reach for her. Our guns still in hand, Ide and I went on either side of her and, abandoning her cell on the ground, let her put her arms over our shoulders to prop her up. "That's it, easy does it." She stood up slowly and wobbly.

"Can you walk at all?" Ide asked before we started moving.

"I think so," she answered, unsure, as she tried to take a step forward. Her first step was okay, but her leg gave out from under her on the second. "I'm fine," she assured us. "Let's keep going." We had a slow start, and went a little faster as we moved, adjusting to her limp, but we eventually made it around the corner and to the car. "Ide, sit in the back with her to make sure she's okay."

"Right," he responded. The director was out of breath, surely exhausted and, quite possibly, in shock. After all, she was kidnapped and beaten at gun-point, and all the while filmed so the world could watch it happen.

Once they were both fastened in tight in the back seat I sped off. "Ide, a thought just occurred to me," I said, making a hard left. "You're going to have to check the director for any bugs or tracking devices." I turned my burner phone off as well.

"O-okay," he said. I glanced into the rear view mirror. It looked like the director was out cold again, slumping over a little swaying with my turns. He gave her an unseen look of shame and began searching all over her. "Sorry...sorry..." he kept mumbling as he blushed and felt around her, but it fell on deaf ears. I don't think she had a clue what was going on (which I felt bad about at the time, but in reality, was probably a good thing).

"I-I didn't find anything," he called out after a minute, placing the director's clothes back as neatly as he could, considering they were a complete mess already.

"Good."

Taking random turns and doubling back, I was desperately trying to make sure no one was following us. After about 20 minutes of speeding around in circles and swerving to avoid various amounts of debris, I turned down a bunch of side streets to take us back to Misa's condo as fast as possible, still making random turns where I could, constantly checking the mirrors, and trying my best to be hyper vigilant. But looking in the rear view mirror, I couldn't help but see the director every time.

To see the sorry state she was in made my blood boil. Fear thought he was some glorious man who was following in the footsteps of a god. He thought he was being just by kidnapping and hurting a woman who had probably never done anything to deserve it. He thought he was being righteous by asking us to betray Matsuda and bring him his head on a sliver platter.

How dare he?

How **_dare_** he?!

Who did he think he was?!

_Well, don't worry... _I thought. _We'll know who you are soon enough. And I _**will** _end you. _


End file.
